Now Willi was gone, I had no way of knowing what had happened to them. Mutti would never speak about my father and his family. After this, I knew she would never tell me anything about that branch of my family anyway, out of fear and to protect me. My cousin might have dodged death on the front line but had he escaped the Gestapo? Had they all suffered the same fate as Fräu Andree? How could good people be treated this way?
I saw less of Heinrich as the weather warmed. He was studying for his final exams, working more than ever at the hospital – which was promising – so I was a little further down his list of priorities.
‘What will we do if the hospital doesn’t offer you a permanent job?’ I asked Heinrich as we strolled down Leopoldstrasse, the huge poplars that lined the boulevard bright with their new green leaves. I had asked him to join me for a walk, promising to help him study and make it worth his while. Brightly coloured buildings reminiscent of the artistic feel of Schwabing sat side by side with those more classically designed. It was one of the reasons I loved living here, a melting pot for so many different influences. I prayed that the war would not touch this ancient enclave of creativity.
‘I’m a junior doctor, I’m less expensive and I think I’ve proven I can do my job. I really don’t think it will be a problem. And part-time or casual shifts will work to start,’ Heinrich said with his usual pragmatism. I knew no permanent job was guaranteed but Heinrich was fast becoming part of the furniture at the hospital, available to cover any of the shifts needed. I prayed that would keep him safe and away from the front line and another field hospital.
‘But what if?’ I persisted.
Heinrich thought for a moment, his hands behind his back as he continued walking. ‘There are other hospitals in München, not as convenient, but there is always plenty of work. Failing that, there are the military hospitals. They need doctors for surgery and rehabilitation more than ever. If I have to, I can use that as a stepping stone. The main thing is to have a job that shows I’m indispensable, that prevents me from being transferred to the front again.’
I grasped Heinrich’s arm tightly and we stopped walking. ‘I couldn’t bear to lose you. I know we’re supposed to sacrifice ourselves gladly for the Fatherland but you’ve done your duty on the front. Nobody can deny that you continue to support our country and the war by aiding civilians and soldiers here at home. Surely anyone can see that.’
Heinrich hugged me close and the street noise disappeared. ‘It will be all right. You’ll see.’
I realised there was nothing I could do but trust his judgement and hope he was right. Life was to be enjoyed and on a day like this, we had to make the most of it.
‘Come on, give me your book and astound me with your knowledge,’ I said. ‘Time to test you!’
By the time we reached the Englischer Garten, I was quizzing him on diseases.
‘Tell me about the diseases of the kidneys,’ I said. Heinrich recited the list correctly and confidently, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
‘Time for my reward,’ he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards a copse of beeches.
‘Wait,’ I exclaimed, laughing. ‘You haven’t finished.’
‘Oh, yes I have, and you know it. Come on, time to play.’ He led me into the cool privacy of the small woodland.
‘But you have so much more to do.’
‘All work and no play makes a very dull boy.’ He pushed me against a tree trunk, leaning against me and preventing my escape, the knobbly bark hard and scratchy against my back.
‘You’re my captive now,’ he murmured, kissing me with gentle, whisper-like caresses, his soft lips on my mouth, my cheeks, my throat and shoulders. I had no reply for him, lost to the exquisite sensations he elicited in me, oblivious to my surroundings.
Seeing what it did to me, he pushed me further, his hand lightly skimming over my blouse and erect nipples, making me groan softly.
‘That will do for now,’ I whispered in his ear before pulling away into the bright sunlight. I was hot, bothered and more than a little disconcerted, but we had promised each other we would wait.
‘Oh, come on, I know you want more.’ His eyes glittered like a tiger watching its prey. Mesmerised, I stood mute and paralysed, unable to say no.
Suddenly he was crushing me against a tree. His lips, warm and supple, found mine, coaxing and demanding in turn. It made me feel heavy, light-headed and weak all at once – a rush of desire, the same I’d felt when I’d met the oberinspektor and von Stauffenberg. Finally it was Heinrich inspiring those feelings in me.
Only his weight against me stopped me from sliding down the tree. His roving hands cupped my buttocks to fit me to him like a puzzle piece and I felt his manhood hard against my belly. His hands continued up to gently graze my nipples until I felt a throbbing much lower down, deep within. He pressed the heel of his hand between my legs, intensifying the throbbing and making me gasp. I knew we had to stop. I didn’t want to, but I broke from the kiss. Heinrich’s smouldering eyes met mine and I could see the urgency there.
‘This is just the beginning.’ Heinrich’s voice was low and throaty. ‘You did say it would be worth my while but I want to make it worth your while too. Keep that in mind until our wedding day. I will wait, but expect no mercy then!’ He kissed me with restraint before releasing me from the tree.
Trembling and flushed, I stumbled away, disoriented and slightly dishevelled. He watched me with hooded eyes, still dressed immaculately in suit and tie. Taking pity on me, he grasped my arm and held me steady while I straightened my clothes and composed myself enough to continue on the path once more. It serves you right, I thought, making promises you could never keep.
5
A change in the organisation of the high command of the military early in 1944 made no real difference to us in the office, although shortly after, there seemed to be a gearing up in activity at many of the airfields. By April, our main airfields at Riem, Neubiberg, Schleissheim and Bad Aibling had established airfield commands. The requests for plane parts, supplies and new aircraft grew each week and I struggled to keep on top of the collated lists and reports but I continued to work hard at my job, learning as much as I could to help the oberinspektor. He was happy to explain technical matters to me. How the different properties of each aircraft and its optimal uses for our zone transcribed into the performance statistics and requisitions lists I typed every few days.
About this time, I heard stirrings, filtered through the gossip channels of the office girls, that Germany was losing the war. We all knew how difficult it was on the Eastern Front but most of us still had confidence that the Führer had a plan and would turn the tide at the perfect time in spectacular fashion. All the reports over the wireless, at the cinema and in the local newspapers stated emphatically that Germany was winning the war. Slowly to be sure, but winning all the same, and I had no reason to doubt those reports. Our Führer knew what he was doing. At the end of this war, Germany would be transformed into the great nation it had been before the Treaty of Versailles. German pride would be restored.