‘I’m not so sure,’ whispered Bettina one lunch break. ‘Magda’s cousin has been seeing a high-ranking officer in the Heer. She wouldn’t say who, but apparently he told her that things are not good for Germany right now. After our defeat at Kiev, we’ve continued to lose ground to the Russians and they’ve been slowly marching west.’ She stopped as other office girls walked into the lunchroom. We were prohibited from speaking about military matters or mentioning anything contrary to the news reports the Reich distributed each week but it didn’t stop the worried whispers continuing around the office.
‘It doesn’t add up,’ I said, as I walked down the corridor with Bettina. ‘It’s totally different to what all the news reports have been saying.’
‘Do you really think news like that would be released to the general public? Imagine the panic.’
I shook my head. She was right of course. Magda’s cousin wasn’t the first source of disturbing stories about Germany’s losses and how the tide of the war had turned against us.
Bettina gestured towards the bathroom as she pushed open the door. I frowned, wondering what else she had to tell me, and followed her in. Bettina checked each stall to make sure they were empty. When she turned back to me, she looked worried.
‘This is the thing that the Heer officer told Magda’s cousin that really makes me wonder. He told her not to go to Paris for work. He told her to stay in Germany. When she pushed him for a reason, he finally told her that he had reason to believe the Americans were set to join the British to land forces on French soil and begin their attack against Germany.’
‘No,’ I said, aghast. ‘That can’t be right.’ I knew the might of the Americans had already helped the British win decisive battles in North Africa and were now making a difference to the fight in Italy, causing our forces to retreat further north towards Rome. It did not bode well if they had joined forces with Britain to march across France towards Germany.
‘That’s what I said too, but Magda assured me that it’s what he told her cousin and she has made some excuse not to go to Paris.’
I stared at Bettina, who was evidently relieved that she had been able to share the burden of this terrible piece of news. Our lives would be turned upside down. I took Bettina’s hands, clammy with worry. ‘Look at it logically. Surely we would have heard something here and we haven’t.’
Bettina nodded. ‘Yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. Keep your ears open. We’ll have to see if we hear anything.’
‘All right,’ I said. ‘But I’m sure it’s all just Chinese whispers.’
Only weeks later, rumours of the American and British landing on the beaches of Normandy were all over the office. At first they spread in hushed whispers away from the officers. Shock, consternation and astonishment were evident on the faces of most of the office girls but also on the faces of the officers and staff in our department. Soon, the whole building was abuzz and it was impossible to prevent or contain the news. We learnt that the Luftwaffe had been taken completely by surprise because there had been no reconnaissance of the area. The initial shock at the truth of the situation was quickly replaced with a flurry of activity, as all efforts were focused on defending our Western Front.
‘This changes everything,’ Bettina muttered, as I handed her a report for the colonel. ‘I hope you like coffee and cigarettes, because if we thought we were working hard before, now we’ll be lucky to see our beds. Welcome to your new home.’
‘They may have landed on European shores but they won’t get any further than that,’ I said confidently.
‘I hope you’re right.’ Bettina looked up from her typing, her brown eyes large with apprehension. ‘Otherwise our world is about to change drastically and I don’t think we’re going to like it.’
The Allied landing soon became common knowledge, with speculation and trepidation simmering all over München. Fear blossomed silently on the streets. Nobody dared voice the worry that we were not winning the war, that we couldn’t keep the Allies at bay, but the whispers made their way through the city nonetheless, like a deadly infection. Among my parents’ friends, most of whom had seen Germany threatened before, there was deep anger, voiced only behind closed doors – anger that our country was threatened once again, anger about the inevitable loss of life that defending our homeland would produce.
Mutti felt the same way. Vati tried to calm her with his pragmatism, assuring her that much of our military resources were now thrust into the protection and defence of the Reich. Germany was strong and would prevail. I believed him too; I could see the evidence of that at work.
Only Herr Schmitt and Hilde the cook remained with us now. The other servants had been let go, returning to help their families. Vati refused to hire Polish workers at a fraction of the cost. ‘We’ll manage until after the war,’ he told us.
Those warm summer days passed in a blur. I was up early in the mornings, my only joy the walk to work through the gardens that reminded me the world still continued outside of our frantic office building. Vati had arranged for Herr Schmitt to drive me home at night and I often dozed in the spacious backseat. Working so hard meant I rarely had to put up with Mutti’s tirades, which fell squarely into Vati’s lap. He and I worried about the toll the war was exacting on her.
The oberinspektor had always smoked but now his office was permanently blanketed in haze. His face was constantly drawn and pale, dark smudges beneath his eyes, and he slumped wearily in his chair.
‘Oberinspektor, have you been getting enough sleep?’ I asked one morning as I brought him a fresh cup of coffee.
‘Ah, thank you,’ he said, smiling weakly as he picked up the coffee and sipped. ‘This keeps me going – and those,’ he said, gesturing to the cigarettes on his desk. We still had real coffee in the office and cigarettes were in plentiful supply.
I wrinkled my nose with disgust as I picked up the ashtray filled with twisted butts and flakes of ash.
‘I’ll cut back soon,’ he said apologetically. ‘When things slow down and I have time to sleep.’
‘I know.’ I moved to the small window and opened it a little to allow the stench to escape and fill the room with the warm summer air. ‘Keep the window open for a while. It’ll help.’
‘I realise you’ve been working long hours too. I couldn’t manage without you.’
My eyes widened, not expecting his confession. I turned to face him, then shrugged and smiled, a little embarrassed. ‘It’s the least I can do. If I can ease your workload, then I know I’m doing something worthwhile.’
‘It helps if we can all work together at times like this.’ He ran his hand through his hair, pushing the dark strands that had fallen onto his furrowed forehead off his face. I had never seen him with a hair out of place before.
‘What do you think will happen? Are we losing the war?’
His dark eyebrows shot up in surprise. Then he scrutinised me for a moment, before he leant back in his chair and sighed.
‘I don’t know. It’s too early to tell for sure, but it’s not looking good for us.’
I stared back at him, waiting for him to finish, wanting him to trust me as I did him.
‘I don’t know that the Führer’s strategy has paid off. I’ve heard that generals who were against our troops remaining on the Eastern Front when it was clear that we were losing and would incur terrible losses, were removed from their postings. Maybe he should have listened to men with military experience. Perhaps now we would have more men on our Western Front to repel the Allied push.’
‘Don’t say such things,’ I whispered in a rush. Fear bloomed through my body like drops of blood staining water. ‘What you say might be true but if anyone hears you… You know Bettina’s cousin’s husband was hauled away by the Gestapo for speaking out against the Führer to one of his best friends.’