Mutti wasn’t up to it, so I met with the new residents in the foyer, standing on the bottom step of the staircase. They stared at me warily, exhaustion lining their faces, ignoring children that pulled at their clothes. I would have to tread carefully if I was going to make this situation work. My neck and shoulders were coiled tight.
‘My name is Freulein von Klein. This is my apartment. I’m sorry for the loss that each of you has experienced and I welcome you into our home.’ There was a murmur through the group but nobody stepped forward to speak; only expectant faces were raised to me, waiting to hear what I said next. I kept myself from wiping my sweaty palms on my skirt.
‘I’ve spoken to the officials. The People’s Welfare and the city will be sending beds, additional furniture and household goods to make you all more comfortable.’
Now there were relieved looks and nods. I continued while I was ahead, the strain of responsibility making my stomach roil with nausea.
‘I will set up a roster for the use of the kitchen for each family, including my parents and myself, and designate areas for each family’s kitchenware and food. The only way this will work is if we all stick to the schedule and respect each other’s space and possessions.’ A few dubious faces looked to interject but I kept speaking. ‘I will be inspecting each of the rooms once a week for general cleanliness and damage. If I find any problems, I have been instructed to forward my complaints to the city. Depending on the ruling by the official in charge of disputes, the tenant may risk losing their room. I pray it never comes to that. Any problems or concerns you have about the apartment, please bring to the attention of myself or either of my parents and we will strive to resolve them as quickly as possible.’
Nobody said anything but I could feel the waves of anger and bitterness roll towards me. I felt faint but I smiled, wanting to appease my new neighbours.
‘If there is anything I can help you with, please ask. I believe that if we all respect each other we can live harmoniously under one roof.’ I tried to catch as many eyes as I could but it was too early for trust. Many turned abruptly away, returning to the sanctuary of their room, while others looked at me with indifference. Only one young girl smiled shyly at me before she was pulled away by an older woman. I was left standing on the bottom of the stairs. I took a deep breath. At least it was done. Time would tell if we could all get along.
Each day of these new living arrangements began with my guilt at leaving Mutti behind to manage on her own and keep a wide berth of the residents. With Hilde gone, she reluctantly resumed the responsibilities of shopping and cooking. Herr Schmitt and his sister accompanied her to the market the first couple of times, to show her the best places to go, where to find the freshest produce. But it was going to take some time for Mutti to brush up on her cooking skills and I was glad I had work to keep me busy and that I could eat at the office.
Vati arrived home, shocked to find what had happened in his absence. I was the first to greet him in the privacy of our two little rooms, away from the cold stares of the new residents.
‘Lotte,’ he said, gathering me into his arms. ‘I’m sorry I had to leave you both for so long.’
It felt good to be in the protection of his embrace and I felt myself sag – now I didn’t have to bear sole responsibility for my mother’s safety and the new arrangements of our home.
Vati grasped my shoulders and looked into my face, his hazel eyes misty with emotion. ‘I’m so proud of you.’
‘What do you mean, Vati?’
‘You’ve looked after Mutti and managed the household and all of its new changes on your own, even dealing with the city officials. I know many men who would have gone to pieces at the prospect of having to make arrangements for strangers to live in their home.’
‘It had to be done, and Mutti wasn’t up to it.’
‘I know, my liebchen.’ He kissed me on the forehead. ‘Thank you.’
My mother entered the room. She dropped her string bags full of shopping with a small cry and flung herself into his arms. ‘You were only supposed to be gone a few days.’
‘We couldn’t leave Berlin until the confusion about the Führer had been sorted out.’
‘Do you know what happened exactly, Vati?’ I remembered the day when, during the bombing campaign and our personal horror, Bettina called me over as I arrived at work.
‘Have you heard?’ she’d asked with a look of anticipation. ‘The radio announcement last night?’
‘We didn’t have electricity last night.’
‘There was a news flash announcing the attempted assassination of the Führer.’
‘Is he all right?’ I’d gasped, grabbing her arm. I couldn’t imagine a world without him. What would we do if he was gone?
‘He’s fine.’
I had placed my hand over my heart in relief. ‘Who would do such a thing?’
‘Apparently some of the top Wehrmacht officers.’ Bettina had shaken her head in wonder. ‘There’re no more details yet. We’ll have to wait to learn more, I suppose. There’ll be hell to pay.’
‘Yes, there will.’
Later, I had listened to the Führer address the nation, beside myself with joy at the sound of the Führer’s voice, as full of life and passionate as ever. A bomb had been detonated in the Wolf’s Lair but he had sustained only minor injuries. He announced that a plot had been uncovered involving high-ranking members of the General Staff and promised revenge on the conspirators. I couldn’t believe it. The Führer named names and I heard one I knew: Claus von Stauffenberg. I felt sick to the core. It couldn’t be true. He was a patriot, a German hero, not a traitor and criminal. I still remembered the thrill I’d received from the touch of that gallant man who had addressed me at the party all those months ago. It couldn’t be him.
‘Was Colonel von Stauffenberg really involved?’ I now asked my father.
‘Yes, he was, and he died for his role in this plot.’
‘He seemed so courageous and gracious that night I met him. He was a hero.’
‘There were many high-ranking men there, good, decent men who have been executed. Killed like common criminals.’ He looked sad.
‘But they were, Vati,’ I said, my BDM lessons taking over, galvanising me. I was steadfast in my conviction. ‘It’s treason to plot against the Führer.’
‘Many didn’t think so,’ said Vati, lowering his voice.
‘They had everything,’ I said impatiently. ‘Influence, power, the ear of the Führer. Why would they throw it all away and plot against the man who gave it all to them? The man who has single-handedly brought this country out of the shadows and reignited our national pride?’
‘Have you quite finished?’ snapped my mother, putting the empty shopping bags on the bed. ‘Let your father talk.’
I looked at her, puzzled by her outburst. ‘It’s just such a waste of good men,’ I whispered, dropping into a chair. ‘We need good leaders and soldiers on Germany’s side more than ever.’ I thought of my brothers and ran my hand through my hair in frustration.
Vati sat next to me at the little table and grasped my hand. ‘They believed they were working for Germany,’ he said softly.
‘What do you mean?’
‘They blamed the Führer for all the bad decisions that have been made, particularly those that have caused such losses on the Eastern Front, decisions that have turned the course of this war.’
‘But how can they blame him? Surely he only acts on the information he’s given by his advisors? They’re the ones who should be blamed. The Führer has only ever acted in Germany’s best interest.’ I looked from my father to my mother standing next to him and back again. Neither of them seemed convinced and that shocked me more than the confirmation of Stauffenberg’s complicity. ‘You can’t agree with them.’