“I’m not ready for that kind of sex. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.”
“I said I was sorry,” Penny told him.
“Oh, all right. I guess you’re right. No sense crying over spilt wattage. Let’s forget it. Let’s just have a drink and forget it.”
Sitting over their martinis a little later, Penny was still feeling remorseful. “Do you really want to just forget about sex?” she asked. “Maybe we could--”
“No!” Bix said firmly. “We couldn’t! I’m not ready for any more potency-stimulating innovations. What’s the big deal about sex anyway? It’s just another means of communication. And a damned inferior one at that.”
“You just think it’s inferior because you’re hung up on the language,” Penny pointed out.
“Everybody’s hung up when it comes to communication. That’s what’s wrong with the world today. Everybody talks—yakkity-yakkity-yak—but nobody really communications.”
“Nobody communicates,” Penny mused. “You know, you’re right,” she decided.
“Right about what?” Bix asked absent-mindedly. “About nobody communicating.”
“Oh. Yeah. Sure. It’s the problem of alienation,” Bix defined, turning his back on Penny to stare out the window. “People are all the time talking, but when you come right down to it, they’re talking to themselves. Nobody knows how to listen to anybody else any more.”
“I know just what you mean. Sometimes I can see from the other person’s eyes that they’re not really hearing a word I say. It’s as though they had cotton in their ears‘?!
“What?” Bix said. “What did you say?”
“I said sometimes I can see from their eyes that they’re not really listening,” Penny explained, looking deep into Bix’s eyes. “It’s as if they were deaf.”
“Hey?” Bix cupped a hand to his ear. “Speak up, baby. I can’t hear a word you’re saying. That’s the whole trouble with people today. They’ve lost the art of communication.”
“It’s must be because they’re alienated from each other,” Penny sighed, looking right through Bix.
“It’s absurd,” Bix mused to himself. “And that’s what life is, too—absurd. When you get right down to it, life is like an enema.”
“How’s that?” Penny was puzzled.
“You only get out of it what you put into it,” Bix explained. “Plus a lot of crap besides.”
“Yish!” Penny shuddered. “Would you mind being a little less graphic?”
“Okay. Then let me put it this way. Life is like sex. In the end, everybody get screwed.”
“Why,” Penny wondered aloud, “does it always have to be in the end?”
“You’re not digging me, chick. What I mean is, it’s all existential when you get to the bottom of it.”
“Can’t we just forget about the bottom of it?”
“Now you dig! That’s exactly it. After all, What is is, isn’t it? And it all adds up to nothing, anyway, and there’s nothing you can do about nothing.”
“But don’t you think you can do something about some things sometimes?” Penny asked confusedly.
“Nope! That’s where the danger is. Once you try to take any action, you’re doomed. The only way to live is to just vegetate like the vegetables.”
“Even the vegetables pollinate some times,” Penny told him pointedly.
“Sure. But when they do they get plucked! You’re just proving my point. Whatever you do in life, you’re bound to get plucked.”
“But if you don’t do anything, what’s the point in being alive?”
“There is no point. That’s the point.”
“I don’t know. I think I’d rather get plucked than just wither on, the vine,” Penny said regretfully. “And you seemed to feel that way about things a while back too.”
“Maybe. But that was before we played Sing Sing roulette with that electric bathtub.”
“But surely you don’t mean that shocked you so that all desire for sex has left you forever.”
“Well, no-o-o,” Bix drawled, eyeing the precious girl’s lust contours. “The desire is there,” he admitted, pursing his lips as appreciatively as though he were about to try out a new trumpet. “I just don’t have any faith in my body being up to it after all the disappointments to- night.”
“You’re too anxious about it,” Penny said soothingly. “You just have to relax and be tranquil and let things happen.”
“You’re right. If I could only get myself in the proper frame of mind—tranquil, like you say—I’m sure we could make the scene.”
“Of course we could. But if we do,” Penny added delicately, “I wonder if you’d do me a favor?”
“Sure, chick. Like what?”
“Would you forget about what you wanted to do before and just make love to me the regular way. It’s very important to me.”
“Why not? But how come it’s so important?” Bix was curious.
“Because I’ve never been made love to in the ordinary way by any man before.”
“What? !”
“That’s right.” Penny hung her head. “You see,” the darling girl confessed in a whisper, “I’m a virgin.”
“You’re putting me on! Hell, I met you in a cathouse.”
“I know. But I’m only an inexperienced kitten.”
“You sure came on like you were full of catnip.”
“Maybe. But believe me, this pussy’s never really purred.”
“I’ll make it purr!” Bix vowed, bouncing up and down in his excitement. “just as soon as I get tranquil, I’ll make it purr!”
“You don’t look like you’re getting very tranquil,” Penny observed.
“No,” Bix agreed glumly. “You’re right. I guess I just don’t know how.”
“Maybe if you just didn’t pay any attention to me for a while,” Penny suggested. She walked over to an alcove where she was half-hidden from his view and perused the books stacked on the shelves there. After a moment she took one down and began thumbing through it. “Hey,” she called, “are you a Yoga?”
“No,” Bix called back. “The refrigerator’s practically empty.”
“I don’t mean that,” Penny called again. “I mean do you read Yoga?”
“Not unless I’m damn hungry. It’s too slippery for my taste.”
“Not yogurt! Yoga!” Penny came back into the room with the book in her hands and held it out to him by way of explanation.
“Oh. That.” Now Bix comprehended. “That’s just one of the books my ex-roommate left behind when he moved out. He was a real nut on the subject. He had Yoga exercises for everything he did. Before he ate and after he ate and before he hit the sack and after he got up. Hell, he even did Yoga before and after making it with a girl.”
“Did he, now?” Penny’s eyes lit up to show that she felt she was on the track of something. “And just why did he do Yoga before sex?”
“Claimed it relaxed him and put him in the properly potent frame of mind. Isn’t that a gasser?”
“Now wait a minute,” Penny said. “You’re in no condition to be narrow-minded. Maybe he had something there. Maybe Yoga works when it comes to sex. Just maybe it might be what you need to relax you right now. Anyway, why not give it a try?”
“Man, that’s the living end. I never heard of anything so ridic.”
“What have you got to lose?” Penny asked softly. Bix thought that over. “Nothing, I guess,” he admitted finally.
“Then why not try it?”
“But it’s so square!” Bix protested.
“Try it anyway. If it works, it’ll be worth it.” Penny undulated her girlish hips by way of encouragement.
“Well-—all right,” Bix gave in reluctantly. “What do I do?”
“Well, let’s see.” Penny rifiled the pages of the book and then’ held it open to examine one more closely “This looks like it should relax you. It’s called the ‘Lotus Loga Position’ and it’s recommended for First Class Gurus.”