Nola tried to direct Kat back toward the chair. Maybe you should sit down for a minute.
Kat jerked away and took a step toward Riley. She looked up at him, furious. When? How?
About a year ago. Cancer.
We're not staying. Kat pushed her way toward the curtain. She had to squeeze by Riley to get out of the room, and her hand brushed the front of his upper thigh. She thought she'd die. Or collapse in a heap. But she would never/never/let either of those men see her cry.
Her mother was dead. She'd waited too long to come home.
Riley called after her, Kat! Please wait!
Let her go, she heard her father say. You know she had no business coming back in the first place.
FIVE
The night rain spat down from the sky, and the wind was cold. Kat scrunched into the neck of her jacket as she walked the cemetery rows, holding the flashlight as steady as she could, the beam landing on one headstone after the next.
She found the words she'd been searching for on a large, oddly shaped slab of stone, the letters appearing as shadows on white marble. /BettyAnn Cavanaugh, devoted wife and mother…/ As Kat bent at the waist to look closer, the rush of pain forced her eyes shut and her mouth open. She heard a piercingly loud scream, but it was only in her head. No sound came out of her mouth. It hurt too much for soundthere wasn't sound big enough for the sorrow and regret inside her. Her mother was gone. Her mother was pinned down in this dirt, under this bizarre, misshapen headstone, Virgil's artistic vision keeping his wife in her place through all of eternity.
Nola's hand moved along the length of Kat's spine in firm strokes. I'm sorry, hon. So sorry Kat's insides twisted. She shook her head.
Let's get you out of the rain. Nola tried to make Kat straighten up.
Come on, Kat. Please. We can come back in the morning and leave her some flowers.
It took a moment, but Kat did stand up. She clicked off the flashlight they'd purchased at the Ace Hardware in Elkins, and shoved it in her jacket pocket. She looked up at the sky, gray clouds moving over an endless blackness. She wondered if that's what it felt like to be deadjust nothing. Black nothing everywhere… /Kat's mother pulled the screen door closed between them./ /I'm sorry, Katharine./ /Are you kicking me out because I'm pregnant or because I ruined his stupid sculpture of the governor's wife?/ /Her mother's mouth turned down at the corners. It was his biggest commission since his New York days./ /Kat couldn't believe her ears. Mom! He was screwing her out in his studio! Don't you even care?/ /I've never once questioned your father's behavior and now is not the time to start. It will be better if you go and let me handle him./ /Kat clutched her stomach, shaky and speechless. Her mother was trying to get rid of her. Her father was a liar and a brute and didn't love his wife and kid. He never had. Seeing this so clearly made her feel like she had no footing, like she was dangling in space. Utterly alone. With a baby inside her./ /So where am I supposed to go, Mama?/ /We'll think of something. With unsteady hands, she opened the screen door a crack and shoved a wad of bills into Kat's palm, trying to cover up her fear with a thin smile. Now, run on over to your aunt Rita's. She knows you're coming. Call me in the morning after your dad's gone to his first class and we'll put our heads together, all right? Now get along./ /Kat stared at the money in her hand, then looked up at her mother's gaunt face and hard eyes, knowing with certainty what she'd always suspectedthat if BettyAnn Cavanaugh was ever forced to choose between her husband and her daughter, the choice would be an easy one./ I'm so cold, Nola, Kat mumbled. So cold all of a sudden.
Nola hooked her arm through Kat's and pulled until she began walking. Of course you're cold. I'm cold. It's cold outside and now we're both soaking wet. Let's get out of here.
Kat sat motionless in the chair, her eyes staring unfocused into the fireplace. Nola brought her a glass of wine, placed it in her hands, then whisked away wads of used tissue that had accumulated on Kat's lap and around her feet.
I'm sorry I'm such a mess, Kat said, afraid to look at her best friend for fear of bawling all over again.
You're not a mess. You're just in shock.
Kat sniffed. Thanks for going out there with me. I just needed to see for myself.
I understand.
Thanks for being here.
Nola was in the kitchenette, clanking around. Hon, I'm not doing anything you haven't done for me a million timesevery time I got dumped, or divorced, or hey, remember that time we found out Joey had been selling my Grandma Tuti's jewelry on eBay? I must have cried for two weeks straight. Nola returned to her chair by the fire. To tell the truth, I'm kind of enjoying being the stable one for a change.
Kat managed a smile.
You want me to stay in your room with you tonight? Now that would /really/ give Madeline something to gossip about.
Kat laughed. After so many hours of crying, the sound of her own laughter surprised her.
You're going to be OK, you know. Nola smiled kindly.
Kat nodded.
You had two moms in your life and you've just lost both of them, and it's got to suck.
Kat nodded again, then grabbed another tissue.
But you can't feel guilty, hon. How could you have known your mom was sick?
Kat blew her nose and blinked at Nola. I could have called.
Nola scrunched up her mouth. True.
Or written.
Nola nodded. Well, OK.
Or knocked on their damn door! But I was pissed off and resentful and I never wanted anything to do with my parents the rest of my life!
There's that, Nola said.
Kat reached for another tissue and laughed. What a jokeI find out my mother is dead and all I want to do is talk to Phyllis, but she's dead, too!
Nola scooted her chair closer. I really miss her.
That woman was amazing, you know? Kat blew her nose. She took me ina complete nobody off the street. She didn't ask any questions. She gave me and my baby a home.
Nola nodded again.
And I think she seemed all that more amazing to me because my actual mother couldn't wait to get rid of me!
Phyllis Turner had the best heart of anyone I ever ran across, Nola said.
She really did. Kat raised her wineglass. To Phyllis Turnera woman who lived every day proud of who she was, nothing more and nothing less.
To Phyllis, Nola said, clinking her glass to Kat's. Whose investment instincts weren't too shabby, either.
They sat for a few minutes in the quiet. Nola put a hand over her mouth to hide her yawn and Kat checked her watch to find it was after eleven.
It had been one hell of a long day, for everyone.
Kat stood up. C'mon. Let's both get some sleep. She walked Nola over to the door. Would you mind if we hit the road as early as possible tomorrow, before anything else bad can happen?
Nola looked confused. What about your aunt Rita, the evil high school principal? Weren't we going to drop in and give her a piece of your mind? Wasn't she on the list of people who owe you an apology?
Kat chuckled. The list they'd come up with on the drive that morning seemed ridiculous now. I don't have an extra piece of mind to spare at the moment. Maybe I'll write her a letter when we get home.
Sounds good. Nola stretched. Sleep tight, Kit-Kat.
You, too. Hey! Wait a sec.
Nola turned back, yawning again.
I won't keep you much longer, but look, I know this is probably going to sound dorky You've never had a dorky moment in your life, Kat, except maybe for those yellow plastic snow boots you had back in the early nineties.
Thanks. So what I was wondering isdo you think anyone could know what love is at the age of sixteen?