“I’m surprised you didn’t invite anyone over.”
I reach for my ice tea, hiding my smile behind my glass. Jack still doesn’t get it; I’m a loner like him.
“Nope, Daddy. You and me. That’s how we roll.”
He takes my hand. “I love you, Chrissie.”
“I love you too, Daddy.”
Jack sighs. “So why don’t you tell me what you’ve been thinking about all afternoon?”
Jeez, is it so obvious?
I scrunch up my face. “Would you be disappointed if I left Monday instead of staying the full two weeks?”
Jack laughs. “A little disappointed. But not surprised.”
I flush. “I love being home, but I’m kind of missing Neil.”
“Definitely not surprised.”
I stare out at the spreading shades of orange, pink and purple swirling in the sky above the Pacific.
“Did they have guidance counselors when you were in high school, Daddy?”
Jack shakes his head. “That was like a thousand years ago. I don’t remember. Why do you ask?”
“We had this one we had to see every month through our senior year to help us plan our future. Every time I went there, she asked me Chrissie, what do you plan to do with your life? It used to annoy the hell out of me.”
Jack rolls his eyes. “What did you say?”
“I don’t want to be anything. I want to meet a nice guy, get married, maybe have some kids. Just be and be happy.”
“That sounds like a plan to me.”
I make a face. “Mrs. Lowell didn’t think so. She said that wasn’t a plan. She made me feel like a slacker. Like I was a loser for not wanting to be something more.”
“She’s wrong,” Jack says firmly. “I wished you told me this story back then. I would have spoken to her. We all figure out things in our own time. Our own pace. She shouldn’t have made you feel that way.”
I struggle to keep my emotions from surfacing. “It doesn’t matter. After I told her I didn’t want to be anything, she never called me to her office again.”
His eyes sharpen on my face. “What’s stirred this up, Chrissie? Why are you thinking about this?”
I shrug. “Nothing. It’s just I’m twenty-three years old today. Everyone I know is doing something. I’m not in school. I don’t have a job. I’m not trying to be anything and I still don’t have a plan for my life.”
“I’m fifty, baby girl, and I don’t have a plan either.”
He laughs and I give him a playful swat.
“That’s such crap, Daddy.”
Jack’s smile deepens. “No it’s not. I don’t worry about where I’ve been or where I’m going. I worry about where I am.”
Where I am? I’m sitting with my dad on the patio watching the sunset on my birthday. Nice, but not what I want.
“I’m going to leave Monday.”
Jack nods, doesn’t say a word, but I can see that he’s thinking about something serious. His expression tells me it’s the type of thing he will never share with me.
It’s such a distinct look on his face. An expression of wistfulness and other things. I wonder what he’s thinking of when he looks the way he does now.
The sky slowly darkens.
I yawn. “I think I’m going to go to bed, Daddy.”
Jack looks amused. “So early?”
“Yep.”
“You are less fun than I am,” Jack teases.
I give him a light kiss on the cheek. “That goes without saying.”
I grab my ice tea from the table and plod across the patio to the French doors. I step into the kitchen, startle and drop my glass to the floor.
White roses surrounded by dozens of red, in a vase tied with violet ribbon, sit on the center island. Alan sent me roses for my birthday.
Dammit, Maria, why didn’t you throw them away?
I tell myself not to, but I do it anyway. Shaking, I lift the card from the vase and open it. Not the words I expected. Not Happy Birthday. But two words all the same. Call me. And a phone number.
How did Alan even know I would be here?
I scoop up the flowers and toss them in the trash. Then I reach in and remove the card. I shouldn’t keep it. I should burn it. But I tuck it into my address book anyway.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I rush from the airport with my bag, go to the first taxi at the pick-up line, and climb in.
“The Omni Hotel, please,” I say.
I rummage through my purse for my mobile phone. I punch in Neil’s number and wait. Ring. Ring. Ring. Crap, voice mail.
“Why are you not answering?” I say with an aggravated growl. “Call me back. I’m in Indianapolis. I don’t know what room we’re in. If you want me, you had better tell me where, soon. Or I might go back to Santa Barbara. And for a guy who claimed to be really happy that I was coming back early, you are…”
Beep. Damn, cut off by voice mail.
I settle back against the seat and stare out the window at passing scenery. Jeez, who would have thought I’d be so excited about being in the Midwest? It’s kind of an interesting city. Really flat compared to California. Tall buildings even here in Indiana. Big freeways. Lots of people. Urban America looks the same everywhere. Urban yucky.
My phone rings and I smile. I flip it open and put it against my ear.
“You are in such freaking trouble,” I say into the receiver. “You better have a good excuse for not calling me back earlier. That’s all I have to say.”
Silence. Shit, maybe Neil thinks I’m serious about being pissed.
“Don’t hang up the phone, Chrissie.”
The earth falls away beneath me and everything inside me goes numb. Alan. I say the first thought I can string together. “How did you get this number?”
“It wasn’t difficult. Vincent gave it to me.”
Fuck. Why did you do that, Delmo?
My head spins. “I don’t want to talk to you.”
I can hear him breathing through the receiver. Shit, why did that have to sound so little-girl pathetic? Fuck, Chrissie. Pull yourself together.
“I know you don’t want to talk to me. I wouldn’t want to talk to me either, love. But don’t hang up. It doesn’t matter what happened between us. I will always care about you, Chrissie. I didn’t want to make this call, any more than you wanted me to, but we need to talk some things out, love. Please, don’t hang up.”
We need to talk some things out?
Every muscle in my body shakes from panic. Oh God, it can’t be about that. How could Alan possibly know about April? Only three people on this earth know. Me. Neil. And Jack.
My trembling fingers tighten around the phone. “I have nothing to say to you. There is nothing you could say at this point I would want to hear.”
“Please. Five minutes, Chrissie, and I’ll never bother you again. You have my word.”
My face scrunches up as I battle to fight back my tears. Never bother you again. I feel my heart still because for a foolish half-second I thought Alan called to beg me to take him back and to tell me he still loves me.
“I sent you a letter. Did you read it?” he asks, his voice strangely intense, serious.
“No.” I gather every scrap of my shredded composure and make myself do what I should have done when I first heard his voice. “I didn’t read it. I don’t want to talk to you. There is nothing between us worth talking about. Don’t contact me again. Just leave me alone, Alan.”
I click off the phone and toss it away from me. Why did Alan have to call today? Since boarding the plane in Santa Barbara, everything has felt really good inside me, like I finally know where I am going in my life, and now nothing feels certain. Neil. The past. The present. Nothing.
Shit, why did he call me? Crap, why do I care? I stare at the phone. Don’t call him back, Chrissie. Whatever it is Alan wants, you are not interested.