“What’s so funny?” Bobby asks, studying me quizzically.
Zoe and I only laugh harder. I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket again. Crap, obsess much, Chrissie? Fourth time since I sat down for dinner.
Damn.
I’m having fun.
I don’t want to call home.
I sigh, tossing my napkin on the table, and stand. “I’ve got to go call my mom. She’s not going to let up tonight until I do. I’ll be right back.”
“Don’t be long,” Bobby murmurs sweetly.
“Never.” I lean in to him for a fast kiss. Smiling, I look across the table at Zoe. “Want to come with me?”
She shakes her head and sinks closer into Jake. “No, we ordered dessert. I want to be here when it arrives.”
“Fine, be that way.”
Zoe widens her eyes. “I will.”
I bury a smile. Confident Zoe. Happy Zoe. I like this version even better. Yep, I was wrong. Jake is good for her.
I hurry across the crowded room and out the front door. A cold blast of foggy night air hits me. Rubbing my arm with one hand, I fish in my pocket for my cell as I sink down on the bench by the restaurant entrance.
The screen lights up with another annoying message.
Frowning, I stare.
Fuck, what is this?
Yahoo breaking news—
My heart drops.
I scroll through them, frantically reading.
Notifications from my news alert setting.
Icy pricks run the surface of my flesh as I read the brief news blurbs. Oh God. Why doesn’t it say if he’s all right?
I swipe open my phone and hit my browser. Google search: Alan Manzone. I click on a link. No. No. No. Car accident. Hospital in the UK. Status and location unknown.
I rapidly click on more stories. Fuck, just the same uninformative press release. Over and over again. Why the hell doesn’t someone say if Alan is all right?
Leaning forward, I hug my stomach, trying to still my spinning world. I don’t know what to do. I’m shaking and I can’t pull in air.
Do I call Chrissie?
She must be out of her mind.
I check my voice mail.
Nothing from Mom.
I hit the callback button on Chrissie’s last message.
Ring. Ring. Ring.
Voice mail.
Fuck.
I click off the phone.
I feel frazzled, disoriented, and helpless.
Even if I knew what hospital Alan was in, the nurses wouldn’t talk to me if I called. I’m not family. My stomach churns painfully and tears start streaming down my cheeks. My dad could be dying, and no one, not even my mom, called me…
The heavy wood door opens and I look to find Zoe closing in on me. But I can’t move. I’m numb.
“What are you doing out here?” she asks, exaggerated and feigning exasperation. “You’ve been gone forever. You better have a good excuse—” Her eyes widen and her mouth stills in a wide O. “What’s wrong, Kaley? Why are you crying?”
I shake my head. Crying? I wipe at my cheeks and feel the moisture. Crap, I didn’t even feel the tears.
Zoe drops down on the bench beside me and slips an arm around me. “Did Caroline do something? Don’t tell me you two mixed it up again. I swear I’m going to rip off her face—”
“Get Bobby now.”
Her expression changes into one of alarm. “Kaley, what’s wrong. You’re scaring me.”
I show her my phone. “It’s my dad. Will you go get Bobby? Now.”
She springs to her feet. “I’ll be right back.”
She darts back into the restaurant and I start rummaging through the news on my phone. New links keep appearing but they don’t say anything.
The restaurant door bursts wide and Bobby hurries to me with Zoe and Jake following close behind.
He sinks down in front of me, crouching in the space between my legs. “Kaley, are you OK?”
I lift my stricken eyes to him, holding out my phone. A frown appears, lowering and lowering as he read. “Oh fuck. Baby, you need to calm down. It’s probably nothing.”
He slips his arms around my shaking body.
I curl into Bobby’s chest so he can hold me tighter. “It’s not nothing. It says he’s in a hospital. That’s not nothing.”
He continues to read. “He’s fine. I’m sure of it.” He pulls his phone from his pocket and taps through screens, shaking his head. “I’ve got nothing from my mom. If it was something, my mom would have called. Linda didn’t call, Kaley. That should tell you everything. Everything is all right.”
The adrenaline the alerts sent pumping through my veins has left only panic in its wake. Bobby sounds so calm. So certain. And yet the numbing fear won’t subside.
“I tried to call my mom. Chrissie didn’t answer.”
Bobby brushes the hair back from my face. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Call Linda. Please, Bobby. She’ll know what’s happening and I won’t be able to breathe until I know for sure.”
He kisses me on the forehead. “I’ll call. But you need to stop worrying.”
He eases back from me, taps the screen and then holds the phone to his ear. Jake and Zoe huddle close to me as we all watch Bobby.
Jake gently pats my back. “It’s going to be OK, Kaley. We’re all here for you. You just lean on me as much as you need to.”
The way he says that makes me cry harder and I sink into him, ashamed that I’ve been so rotten to him all day—because he is kind to Zoe and he’s being a really good friend to me right now—and I didn’t realize before today that if something happened to Alan I couldn’t take that. I’ve been so obsessed with my anger I’d forgotten that I love him.
I’ve always loved Alan.
Please let him be all right.
Somehow my insides grow even more jumpy.
The seconds pass in agonizing slowness. Bobby’s pacing, running his fingers through his hair as he waits for the call to be answered. It can’t be a good sign if Linda doesn’t answer her phone either—
Jake’s arm tightens around me.
“Mom,” Bobby says impatiently in a way that tells me he’s just cut her off. My face snaps up. “I just saw the news about Alan. Is everything all right?”
I can hear Linda’s voice but I can’t make out the words. All Bobby keeps saying is Aha, aha, aha.
“OK. See you tomorrow,” Bobby mumbles.
I leap from the bench and cross the pavement to him. “What did she say?”
“He’s fine,” Bobby says softly, pulling me into his arms and holding me. “It was his car. There was an accident, but he wasn’t in it.”
“I don’t understand,” I mutter. I’m suffocating, fear and heartache have made it impossible for my brain function. “Why would the press reports say he was in a hospital?”
“It’s breaking news, Kaley. When a story moves fast, the press gets it wrong sometimes.” He gently strokes my hair. “Alan’s fine. Linda wouldn’t say he was if he wasn’t. He’s not even in the UK. Please, baby, don’t cry. He’s fine.”
Too much is coursing through me. I wrap my arms around him, the force of my relief robbing my body of strength, and I softly weep into his neck. Everything loving Bobby has quieted inside me is no longer quiet. I can’t contain it. I’m inside an avalanche of emotion, moments of the past and present unleashed in my memory, old fears and forgotten hurts making fresh wounds inside me.
“It’s all right, Kaley,” Bobby murmurs soothingly, his lips moving in my curls. “Please, stop crying. He’s fine.”
I can’t will the tears away because it’s not all right. And it won’t ever be. Not until I come face-to-face with Alan and get the truth from him finally. Until he says I am his daughter, nothing inside me will ever be complete. Until I know why my parents lied, what happened, it will eat at me in ways small and large forever.
Bobby can’t take away this pain in me. No amount of love can make this right. And as wonderful as Bobby is, loving him will never be enough to make me whole.
* * *
I sit on a patio lounger, wrapped in a blanket, staring at the ocean.
I hear the door open and turn my face to find Bobby groggy and staring out at me. “Kaley, it’s the middle of the night. It’s freezing. What are you doing out here?”