The morning air has a faint ocean mist as I step out into the yard. I’m surprised Chrissie didn’t come in from the chill. I must have really rocked her world. Another unwanted stab of guilt.
I snuggle the blanket tighter around Khloe as I continue searching for my Mom. I’m pretty sure she’s not indoors; the sunrise is just starting to spread across the sky. I take a few steps and then freeze, completely overcome by what I’m seeing.
Oh God—it’s a picture I know well and etched in my memory. A mirror image of perhaps the most famous photograph ever of my complicated parents: them sitting together on the terrace of my dad’s New York apartment, back in the day, when they were both young and first in love.
They are sitting on a double chaise just like in that famous tabloid shot, curled into each other, my dad slouched against her and my mom’s holding Alan with her cheek resting on his head. She may not be eighteen anymore, but she is as stunning now as she was then.
Fragments of memories leap in my head, forgotten moments of my own childhood revived, and the rock in my stomach grows painful. They love in such a naked and exposed way, but in their quieter moments, like this, it is leveling because it makes everything about what they’ve done to me more agonizing and less comprehensible.
They love.
They always have.
The fucked-up status of my life shouldn’t be.
My sister frets in my arms.
Oh God. I don’t want to disturb them, but I have to.
“Mom, Khloe is awake. Do you want her or should I fix a bottle and give her to Lourdes?”
Chrissie snaps up, turns and smiles. “No, give her to me.”
Crap.
I cross the grass to their chair and lean over to place Khloe in my mom’s arms, carefully avoiding my dad’s stare.
“Sit down, Kaley. I want to talk to you,” she says, adjusting my sister in her arms and pushing aside her nightgown to give Khloe a breast.
Fuck, does she have to nurse in front of me and then announce she wants to have a mother-daughter chat first thing in the morning?
With Alan here.
Tit hanging out.
Awkward.
I sink down on a chair facing them.
My mom doesn’t look at me; she’s too busy focused on Khloe.
“I know it’s been hard on you,” she says, never lifting her gaze from my sister. “Moving. All the changes. I shouldn’t have yelled last night. I probably should have listened instead…it’s not always easy to know what to do when you’re concerned…what I mean to say is, I know it’s been tough on you—”
I just wish I could disappear.
She’s rambling.
No point listening.
Hurry up, Chrissie. I want to get out of here.
And why the fuck does Alan have to be here for this, alertly listening to her very not-clear parenting moment with me as if this is going to go somewhere coherent before the next century?
“Just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I have all the answers and do everything right,” she says, pausing to look at me. “I didn’t last night. I’m sorry. Maybe there was a little overreaction all around. But it’s because we both want what’s best for you, Kaley. That’s a good thing, right?”
Alan shifts his gaze to me.
I nod, in contradiction to my thoughts. Alan, if this makes sense to you, you’re an expert in Chrissie-speak. I’m her daughter and even I don’t know what the fuck she’s trying to say.
Time to end this.
Ready to be out of here.
“It’s OK, Mom. I’m sorry, too. We’re good.”
Chrissie’s wide doe eyes lock on me. “We’ll always be good. Remember that. I’m your mother and I’m always here for you. No matter what happens, I love you, Kaley. I know there’s been a lot of change and uncertainty, that things haven’t been clear for you. And if I could have made it any other way I would have. But change is what we do to get to where we’re going—”
Oh groovy, now she’s quoting Grandpa Jack.
Change is what we do to get to where we’re going.
Yep, that’s Grandpa Jack.
I stare at the ground, waiting for her to finish.
“And maybe I haven’t been as focused on what’s going on with you as I should be—”
Really?
You think?
“What Chrissie is trying to say—”
Thank you, Alan, for cutting her off.
“—we’re getting married on Sunday and we hope that’s something agreeable to you.”
My eyes go wide.
Did I hear Alan correctly?
My parents are getting married?
What the hell happened out here last night?
Shit, they’re both smiling and staring at me expectantly for some kind of reaction.
“What do you think?” Chrissie says in a bubbly, cute-cute way.
“I think…it’s agreeable.”
Alan laughs and Mom beats back a smile.
I stand up. “Can I leave now?”
Mom nods. “We wanted to tell you first, but don’t say anything to Krystal and the boys.”
“I won’t, Mom.”
I hurry into the house and close the door behind me. I lean against the glass. It feels like my head is about to explode. I don’t have the first clue how things got from where they were yesterday to what just went down on the patio.
My cell vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out, swipe it open, and grimace. The driveway. I forgot.
After shaking my body to rid myself of the last few minutes—Chrissie and Alan are freaking getting married—I hurry toward the front door.
I step out outside, and halt mid-step.
My breath catches in my throat.
Oh God.
“Bobby.”
I run and fling myself into his arms. In a flash, I’m surrounded by him, flattened against the car, and he’s kissing me across my face, my cheeks, and my lips. I don’t know why he’s back early, but I am so glad that he is. All I can feel inside me is him, blocking out every nightmarish minute since he left for Tahoe five days ago, and I can’t get close enough to him. It would be so nice to forget everything in my life but him.
Bobby breaks off.
We’re both breathing heavily.
“God, I missed you,” he says, leaning his forehead against mine.
I feel dizzy and euphoric.
“What are you doing back early? I thought you were staying on the slopes until the end of next week.”
His arms are quivering. “Tahoe was no fun without you, Kaley. It was nothing without you.”
My eyes widen and I study his face. As sweet as that is, nope, not buying it Bobby Rowan. Suspicion nips at my gut.
“Zoe told you everything, didn’t she?”
Those green eyes meet mine directly. “Yep, she did. Yesterday afternoon, everything you should have told me yourself, and I drove all night to get back here.”
My face burns red.
Damn it, Zoe. So not cool.
I exhale.
“What did Zoe tell you?”
He shakes his head. “She told me enough.” He runs a hand through his hair, then leans in and gives me a featherlight kiss. “That you needed me here and I’m here. And that should you tell you a few things, Kaley.”
I curl into his chest and his arms tighten around me. Crap, the tears give way and I don’t want to cry in front of him, but it’s been an emotional week, I still haven’t gotten my head around Chrissie’s bombshell of the morning, and the relief that Bobby is back is too overwhelming to contain.
He strokes my arms gently, painting light kisses across my curls. “Shush, Kaley. Whatever it is, it’s going to be all right. Let’s go somewhere we can be alone. Can you sneak away for a while?”
I nod, not caring that I’m grounded, but then Chrissie will probably not remember, her attention definitely totally claimed by Alan at present.
With his thumbs, Bobby brushes the tears from my cheeks. “Baby, why are you crying? Those don’t look like happy tears and I thought surprising you today would make you happy.”