“They haven’t heard of you either,” I said. “Neither of them has, but why take the chance?”
“How do I know you’re not making this up?” he asked, slowly backing away.
“This coming from a guy who insists his name is UCLA,” I said. “And if you leave me and Stephanie here, I’ll let him know that he should grant you mercy if you do get around to finding him.”
He reached over and tugged at my box of Wheat Thins. “I’ll have to take this,” he said. “Nothing personal, just business.”
I tightly held the box in my arms. “I think Batman would disagree,” I said. “In fact—” I grabbed his messenger bag. “This is Batman’s bag now.”
He tried to hang on to it, but I was too fast. A dog came up behind and attacked UCLA.
“Get off! Get off!” he screamed.
He gave up, went limp and threw up his hands in surrender. I couldn’t believe I had gotten away with this.
“You’ll know where to find me, Stephanie!”
“In Satan’s jockstrap?” she yelled. “Is that what I was smelling?
“Forget it. You’ll see how wrong you were.”
He took off running into the night as the dog chased after him, growling. “Wait up!” he called.
Stephanie opened the door to her car. She looked cautiously both ways. “You’re the biggest idiot I’ve ever met,” the woman snarled. “And I didn’t say you could shield yourself in my car. And where the hell did my dog go?”
“I’m sorry,” I said as I brushed off my knees.
“For what?” she asked. “Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to yourself for being such an earth-shattering idiot. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten yourself killed yet.”
“I thought I was doing you a favor,” I said. “I don’t know who that guy is or what he was talking about, but I got the distinct feeling you didn’t want him around. Don’t trip over yourself with gratitude or anything.”
She got out of the car and then shook her finger at me. “What kind of world do you think you’re living in?” she asked. “You find alliances, but you look for an exit strategy wherever you go.”
“Isn’t that just life in general?” I asked. “And in case you didn’t notice, your boyfriend is a bigger idiot for thinking there really is a Batman.”
“I was just with him because I could never find the right time to break up,” she said. “Now that we have, he shows up needing attention and it’s just awkward.”
“I’ve watched two ex-boyfriends die,” I said. “You don’t have anything to teach me.”
She snorted. “Please,” she said. “You’re an amateur. Find a safe place and never come out again.” She went back into the car. “Never come and find me again,” she said. “You can keep the crackers. I’m trying to cut out carbs.”
CHAPTER 9
Physical Fitness is More Than a School Elective
IT WAS THE FIRST TIME in the weeks, maybe months now, since the Incident that I didn’t have somewhere to sleep. I hadn’t seen my apartment since then, and I shuddered to think of what it might look like or who was living there, sleeping in my bed, eating whatever was left of my food. The floor under my desk wasn’t super comfortable, but there was warmth and a serviceable bathroom that you only had to fear getting locked into the stairwell. That stupid house near the cannibal zone had cannibals, but there was a couch to make a fort out of. The quarantine zone was even stupider, but at least I was inside. Now I was just walking down a freeway, getting colder under my newly acquired sweatshirt, looking at a crumbling city. Above me was a traffic alert sign, the kind that makes you aware of accidents or Amber Alerts, but now the messages were direr. AIRBORNE VIRUS. STAY HOME, which then switched to ACID RAIN, STAY HOME.
I thought about whoever had programmed that sign must be dead now. Or maybe he just followed his own advice and sat at home, waiting for this all to blow over.
I sat under the sign and dumped out the contents of UCLA’s bag. There was a Swiss army knife, a beat up copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting and some cherry flavored Chapstick. I was so excited to see that tube of Chapstick. Immediately, I pulled off the cover and smeared it over my grateful lips.
That wasn’t all that was in there. There was a hand towel with the Texas A&M logo embroidered on it, a pair of men’s underwear and a set of keys. I was revolted at the underwear and flung it far off into the night. I checked the inner pockets and found an iPhone. I frowned at it until I pressed the home button and it came on. It was charged and started locating bars of reception. I gasped and thanked the spirit of UCLA, wherever he was cowering.
I fought the impulse to play a game of Tetris or listen to whatever music was on it, but I knew spending the night on the 405 was risky given what had just happened. So I put it back into the bag and took the nearest exit and hiked down into the city.
My apartment wasn’t far from the off ramp. I turned down the street toward my old neighborhood, some excitement building. Maybe I could just hide out in this place and weather this thing out, rent free from now until whatever dystopian government would eventually take over, the way they always did in books after an event like this. Everywhere I looked there was yellow tape and signs with a gas mask icon on them. I ignored them as well as the ones that screamed, DANGEROUS AREA. STAY OUT.
I ran toward my home. I ran until my sides hurt, but stopped when I saw a government quarantine van patrolling up and down the streets. I waited until they were gone and headed in the right direction.
When I reached my apartment building, I saw in the darkness that about half of it had withstood the Incident, the other half was in various sizes of rubble. Much of people’s belongings were scattered around it. My eyes adjusted to the piles of stuff until I saw some familiar things, like old pictures, some Blu-rays, my mom’s favorite teapot—the one with repetitive cat heads painted all over it. The building seemed empty and there were no signs of life, so I crouched and poked through the pile. I pulled out a handmade poster with my picture and the words HAVE YOU SEEN ME? Under the text there was a phone number.
“Hey there!” a voice shouted.
I froze, looked around and saw several figures marching toward me with flashlights. I quickly folded the paper and shoved it into my bag.
“What are you doing?” asked another voice. “You got ID?”
I put my hands up and shook my head. “I used to live here,” I said. “I was just trying to find my family. Do you know what happened here and to the people who lived here?”
One of the figures approached me, shined the light directly in my face and therefore blinded me.
“Don’t you know this is an infected area?” he asked. “We had to clear it out. People were dying. You can’t be here.”
I shook my head. “No,” I said. “How would I find anyone?”
“Got me,” he said and grabbed my arm. “Now we have to test you for disease. Come with us please.”
I took my arm away. “What disease? Do you guys have any answers? At all?”
“Well no,” he said while he looked at the others. “We’ve just been taking blood, putting it in test tubes and waiting to hear what our bosses want us to do with them.”
Another figure grabbed my arm. “That’s no reason to resist!” I heard a woman’s voice say.
“Stop that!” I said and tried to slip out of their reach. I scrambled to my feet and started to run.
“After her!” one of the men said.
“Should we run or walk back and take the van?” the woman asked.
“You run.”
“But—” the woman shouted with exasperation. “It’s dark and it’s probably far.”