“Well, to each his own then,” Tatiana said.
We rode in silence before a harsh truth overcame me.
“I don’t have any friends,” I said.
“Excuse me?” Tatiana asked.
“Friends,” I said. “I thought I had some before the whole world fell apart, but it turns out I don’t. You would think that in all this suffering and learning to survive I would have bonded with at least one person…”
“Not true,” she said. “We were friends. Why would you say that?”
“You didn’t remember me.” I let my voice trail off. “And now I’ve made myself incredibly sad.”
“I’m sorry,” Tatiana said. “I was worried you’d get killed. There’s also a possibility that I may have been brainwashed. Distancing yourself isn’t always the best option.”
Suddenly, the blindfold was jerked off my face and Tatiana gave me a kind, sympathetic smile.
”I worked my hands free,” she said as she showed me. “Your story isn’t over. It’s just beginning in fact. I don’t know where we’re headed, but I feel pretty confident in calling you my friend.”
I smiled back at her.
“And you can’t tell me in all this time you’ve spent glomming off others, you haven’t formed at least one bond?” she asked. “Someone out there you kind of miss?”
Robert, I thought. Kind of miss that guy.
“Maybe,” I said. “I’ll get back to you.”
“I get it,” she said. “You join up with one group and don’t know if they’re going to be dead in the morning, if they’re going to trade you in for a box of Pop-Tarts or if you’re going to have to chase after another group because Jon Hamm is leading it.”
She folded her hands and looked out into the horizon. “Don’t beat yourself up because there’s a lot of shallow soil out there.”
Once at the ranch, we were pulled out of the truck and dragged inside, then plopped down onto the gritty floor with the blindfolds ripped off our faces. I looked around the room and saw a rustic-looking living room with an old threadbare and stained couch that looked like it used to be white. We finally got a good look at our captors, and I realized they were just four women, one of them being Rachel, two of them girls from Costco.
“How did?” I asked. “What are you doing here?”
Rachel smiled. “Batman came and bought a ticket, but she didn’t want a show.”
She nodded and opened her eyes wide. “She wanted us to join her cool club for awesome people.”
I gasped. “Batman’s here?” I asked. “I’m going to finally figure out what the hell everyone’s been talking about. I didn’t make her up, did I?”
“You got her,” said a woman lounging on a broken-down leather recliner. She wore all black, had a cool leather patch over one eye and seemed bored by everything going on around her.
“You seem so familiar that this is crazy,” I said. “I wore a Batman shirt once and everyone went nuts talking about you.”
She shrugged. “Well, of course. You broke into my car and stole my Wheat Thins.”
I snapped my fingers. “Yes! Of course! Stephanie, was it?”
“It’s Batman.”
“So what do you all do here?” Tatiana asked. “Are we an official thing? Do we have a purpose?”
Stephanie held up her hand.
“And what’s with the patch?” I said. “Did something happen?”
“You’re not going to do something weird with our bodies are you?” Tatiana asked, her voice soft and halting.
Stephanie shifted the eye patch so it so it covered more of her eye. “Do you think it looks better on the right or left side?” she said, turning her head. “I feel like it’s a little bit more badass on the right side.”
“Your confidence pulls it off,” I said. “It doesn’t really matter.”
“We’re still working on a name,” Stephanie said as she stood and stepped forward. She was tall, wore leather and scratched her eye under the patch. “So if you think of anything, let us know.”
“We’re bringing chaos to the Apocalypse, yo!” one of the other girls yelled. She did a weird jiggly dance that I found awkward and smacked of trying too hard.
I shook my head a little as did the rest of the gang.
“Not now, JB,” said Batman. “Although I liked your passion.”
JB sat on the floor with the rest of us.
Stephanie pointed at me. “You’re that fire girl,” she said. “The one who kills men who betray her and harasses little kids.”
“For the last time,” I said, annoyed. “I haven’t killed anyone. Any death that happened around me was purely coincidental. And that kid was stealing from me. Standing up for yourself is apparently a one-way ticket to rumors town.”
“I wouldn’t be so modest,” Tatiana said. “She blew up the house that held our Lord Darren Warren and all his disciples.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” Stephanie said. “I’m not criticizing you at all. The very opposite.” The tribe cheered, and Stephanie slapped me on the back hard. “That was us,” she said. “So let’s not get too braggy.”
“No worries,” I said. “I had no intention. That’s really not me. Secondly, I don’t agree with this kind of behavior.”
Brittany started to gently sob.
Stephanie knelt next to me and stared at me hard with her one eye. “At least you recognize. And what kind of behavior?”
“Arson,” I said. “It’s kind of violent.”
She stared at me in uncomfortable silence.
“It’s just not my kind of thing,” I said. “But that’s just me. Judeo Christian ethics and all.” I waved away my own awkwardness. “You probably have some well researched reasoning, though…”
“If there’s a better way to make a point, I’d like to hear it,” Stephanie said. “Look at what we can do with few. Now with all of us we can take care of any force that comes against us.”
“Stephanie—” I started.
“Batman.”
“And we’re sticking with the name Batman?” I asked.
She unzipped her leather jacket and revealed a Batman t-shirt.
She shook her head. “It’s just good branding. And I know—I was in marketing before the Incident.”
“Didn’t I give you that name?” I asked. “That night when your UCLA buddy was going to kill me over a box of Wheat Thins.”
“Ideas belong to everybody,” she snapped
Tatiana and I nodded simultaneously. “Smart,” I said, hoping to appease her.
Stephanie’s face instantly brightened as her mood changed. She stretched out her hand. “We’ve been looking for you. We’re mighty impressed with your portfolio, ma’am.”
I sighed heavily. “You should know I haven’t actually killed anyone,” I said. “If there is one thing in this new society, I’m thankful I do not have to explain this in a court of law right now.”
She crouched to my level. “You think we like it when people assume that when we start fires and burn places down that we’re just out to kill them too?” She stopped and thought about what she said. “Now that I say that out loud, I can kind of see where they might get that impression.”
“Do you?” I asked.
She nodded. “The point is, that’s not what we’re about at all. We’re just trying to rescue women in bad situations. We’re trying to teach others survival skills. Like, real survival skills. What we’ve been ingrained with is absolutely useless.”
Everyone nodded.
“Like, why am I monitoring my credit score when I should learn how to build a canoe?” she asked. “Or do my own dentistry?”
JB stepped forward. “I can say that those two years at the Fashion Institute did come in handy. Because I made everyone’s uniforms.”