After that, I was breathing heavily and he said not a word, just continued to stare at me, stony-faced with fury.
I was not getting in. Not even a little bit.
Not even a little bit.
The rain outside stopped driving down and started to fall slower, softer, quieter as that knowledge settled in my soul.
“I gave up my world for you,” I whispered, “and if you don’t come to me right now, put your arms around me and tell me you believe me, I will stop at nothing to find my way back.”
His answer was immediate. “I will not come to you, Circe. As of now, you are being sequestered, watched by guards with our most powerful witches in attendance to see you get up to no mischief. You will stay sequestered, alone, in this house, without slaves, friends or your pet, until the pregnancy culminates and we see what creature you bear me. I am informed by those of our people who hold magic that you will not be able to hide it while birthing and it will not have the power to shield its true form while being born.”
Oh my God.
That was when he delivered the killing blow.
“Only then will I come to you to deliver my judgment or allow you back into my bed.”
That was it.
I was done.
Just as he had with the claiming chain Dortak had hooked to me, with those words, Lahn severed our connection just… like… that.
“I’ve left you,” I whispered and his head jerked.
“What?”
“I’m standing right here but I promise you, even if it is simply in my mind, I’ve left you. I’m gone. You’ve lost me forever.”
He planted his hands on his hips. “You birth a warrior or a golden girl, we shall see.”
I shook my head. “No,” I swallowed back the tears. “No. This is it. You’ve gone too far. We’re done. I’m gone. You’ll never get me back, Lahn. Never.”
“If what you say is true, I have won you before, Circe. And if you are what you say you are, I will do it again.”
I stared into his dark, beloved eyes as mine filled with wet and unbeknownst to me the shining, golden swirl of spirit that always was so close to the surface for Lahn to see twinkled brightly then extinguished completely.
Then I whispered, “No. You won’t.”
Then I turned from him, missing the quickly hidden flash of alarm that slashed across his features.
I moved to the windows and stared out, my arms crossed protectively on my belly, the tatters of my heart dripping blood, my lungs feeling empty as silent tears slid down my face.
“Circe,” Lahn called but I didn’t look. I couldn’t look. And I knew even if I saw him again, I would never see him the same.
I knew it was crazy, all I said, but I also knew I was me. And I’d only been me for months.
And he’d fallen in love with me.
But he needed to believe in me in the good times and bad.
Like I did with him. Sometimes it was a struggle. But I fucking did it.
And he didn’t.
And I’d had enough. Hell, I’d had more than enough.
I was done.
“Circe, look at me,” he ordered.
I stared at the rain and I did this for a long time before he spoke again.
“It will be reported to me if you do not care for yourself and the creature you carry.”
The creature I carry.
Nice.
When he received no response, he continued, “And Circe, if this is the case, they will have orders to make certain you care for yourself and what is in your womb.”
“I will not… ever,” I whispered fiercely to the rain, “do anything to harm my child.”
Lahn fell silent.
I kept my eyes on the soft rain as corresponding tears slid down my cheeks.
Then his voice came at me again, this time it was softer, nearly sweet, almost, but not quite, my Lahn.
“Circe –”
I cut him off, my voice flat, dead and nothing like anything he’d ever heard from me.
“Good-bye, Lahn.”
I heard nothing for some time before I heard the pound of fist on door, the bolt slide, the door open, then it closed and the bolt was thrown home to lock me in.
I closed my eyes and fresh tears surged down my cheeks.
Then I waited and when I felt that his energy had indeed left the room, I looked to it.
I was alone.
I tore off my crown of feathers, ripped it in half, ripped it in quarters, ripped it until it was nothing but shreds.
I threw its remains away from me and sank to my ass on the tiled floor, knees to chest, face to knees, my arms tight around my calves and my sobs pierced the room as the rain outside no longer came softly but hit the city in unrelenting sheets.
And I rocked back and forth, whispering brokenly to my thighs, “Take me home, take me home, take me home, I need to go home. Please, please, whatever magic is out there for me, let it be at my command to take me home.”
I did not go home.
No, I fell asleep curled on the tile, exhausted from my tears, the rain still pounding down, unremitting, outside.
Then it stopped and when it did, it did this abruptly.
* * * * *
The rain stopped so abruptly, Dax Lahn heard it.
All night, listening to his queen’s sorrow driving its wet into the city, feeling that wet as if it was pounding against his skin causing emotions he didn’t understand to war in his gut, emotions he would not know until later were doubt and guilt, not sleeping or having slept, he shot from his bed, tore down the hall and ignored Bohtan and Feetak who were standing outside Circe’s bolted door.
He threw back the bolt, threw open the door and saw the room empty.
After searching, every room was empty, not just the rooms he shared with his wife but throughout their home.
Nothing was left of her except his queen’s tattered feathers lying on the tiled floor.
The iron crosses outside the windows were in place, they had not been tampered with and Lahn knew even his small Circe could not force herself through the space that a small child could not get through.
And even if she could, the house butted the side of the plateau, there was nothing to catch her should she jump and the fall was so deep, it would kill her.
Even so, Dax Lahn ordered warriors to search the bottom of the plateau.
They returned with no sightings of Circe, dead or alive, not even a footprint should her magic have saved her so she could run away.
His wife was gone.
I gave up my world for you.
As this news processed through his system, Dax Lahn, the commander of Suh Tunak, the King of all Korwahk threw back his head and roared.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Home
I heard my name being called and, weirdly, it sounded like me who was calling it.
My eyes fluttered open and I looked into a mirror.
“You are fine, my sweet twin,” my reflection which appeared to be leaning over me in a bed said to me and I felt my hand squeezed tightly. “Do not be alarmed at the fatigue. The magic takes it all out of you. It will be a few days. We will care for you. Rest, my sweet.”
My eyelids drifted closed because I was right with what I told me, I was fatigued, so freaking tired, it was unbelievable. I’d never felt that fucking tired in all my life.
But I forced them back open and saw me still leaned into me.
I smiled at myself but it wasn’t me smiling.
Then I whispered (but it wasn’t my whispering), “You are safe, sweet Circe, you are home.”
Then my eyes drifted back to closed.