STATEMENT OF PROPOSED GUARDIAN: I, Melina Polichinelli, have known Kenneth Valentine since he was a baby. My own daughter, Kaspara, is currently working with Kenneth and they already spend a great deal of time together. It would be no trouble at all to accept Kenneth into my household. I am sure he will be very happy there.
STATEMENT OF MINOR CHILD: I, Sparky Valentine, have discussed this proposal with my father and with my guardian, and feel this course is best for both of us. I intend to follow a career as an actor, and the experience and recognition to be gained in my current situation will be invaluable to me in the future. At the same time I do not wish to undermine my father's prospects in his new job. I feel I will be happy living with Mellie and Polly.
STATEMENT OF SOCIAL WORKER: I have examined Kenneth Valentine and Melina Polichinelli and can find no reason to oppose the guardianship. It is my opinion that taking young Kenneth, who prefers to be known as "Sparky," away from work he loves would be harmful to the youth, and might even drive a wedge of resentment between father and son. I believe both father and son are agonizing about this decision, but concur that the least harmful solution to both is a temporary separation. Arrangements to be reviewed in two years.
Signed:
John B. Valentine
Melina Polichinelli
Sparky Valentine
Ambrose Wolfinger, M.S.W.
Petition approved, 8/12/58
EJ. Smith, Fourth District Court of King City
D.S.S. La Belle Aurore
en route, Triton
via V-mail, 8/15/58
Dear Sparky,
There's not much I can say now that we haven't gone over already. The ship has stopped boosting and we'll coast all the way now. In a few hours I'll go to sleep, and when I wake up, Triton! (Ooops! We're supposed to pretend we're not using deadballs. Don't spread it around, huh? Ha-ha.) Remember Polonius's advice to Laertes. "The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel; but do not dull thy palm with entertainment of each new-hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade. To thine own self be true." You know the words as well as I. Let me add, always cut the cards. The two years will fly by, and when you've milked this Sparky foolishness for everything you can, you'll join me in teaching these Tritonian hicks a thing or two about the stage! Love from your father,
John Valentine
CONTEST!!!! CONTEST!!!! CONTEST!!!! CONTEST!!!! CONTEST!!!!
PRESS HERE FOR MORE
Hey, Gang! Can you think of 36 things that come out of the human body? That's how many things Sparky and Polly used when they created Armageddon Angry®, the newest kid on Sparky and His Gang! Well, if you can, have we got a contest for you! Sparky and Polly want to treat you to a seven-day, all-expenses-paid stay at Dreamland! Your parents, too, and your whole family! While you're at Dreamland you'll have breakfast with Sparky and Polly and some surprise guests! You'll ride all the coolest new rides! To enter, simply write the 36 things on an official entry form. PRESS for entry form: PRINT
We'll even give you two hints!
1. One of the things is EARWAX!
2. Babies are not one of the things!
Send your entry form along with a box top from SUGAR SPARKLERS, "The Cereal Sparky Eats!" to "Sparky, Sentry/Sensational Studios, Mare Vaporum, Luna." Enter as often as you like! And check under the box top of your SUGAR SPARKLERS cereal for valuable clues! (Winner chosen at random from correct entries. Sorry, if your Mom or Dad works for Sentry/Sensational or Peppiprod, Inc., you can't play!)
December 1 (King City Temple)
The December "Flack" numbers as compiled by the Trends Research Department of the Latitudinarian Church are as follows:
| TITLE | AAS | Last Month | Last Year | |
| 1. | Skunk Cabbage | 92.4 | 2 | 3 |
| 2. | The Gideon Peppy Show | 89.9 | 1 | 1 |
| 3. | Admiral Platypus | 85.2 | 3 | 2 |
| 4. | Scoop the Poop | 80.5 | 4 | - |
| 5. | Sparky and His Gang | 78.0 | 7 | 46 |
We've got some good news and some bad news for you, Mr. Peppy. Which do you want to hear first? That's right, friends, the seemingly endless reign of the Peppy Show in first place has ended. Skunk Cabbage posted a number-one rating this month by a convincing 2.5 point margin. The good news is that the other Peppy Production, Sparky and His Gang, given up for dead at this time last year, has completed its amazing journey from hopelessness to success, arriving on the chart in fifth position by edging out Barney (see attached rankings).
Asked for his reaction to the end of his record-breaking streak in Kidvid ratings, Peppy said, "We'll get 'em coming or going now. As for not being in first place, you know how much that affects my ad revenue? Not one Neptune nickel, that's how much. You know how many kids load the Peppy Show every week, week in and week out? Millions, that's how many. So a couple a thousand more kids are watching Skunk Cabbage. So what? It ain't scrapin' the shine off my shoes."
More likely to fuck up his Florsheims is the result of a tracking study done by the research firm of Thickey Gitte. According to their figures the Peppy Show would have registered in third place but for two guest shots by characters from the Sparky show, Crispin Crunchy and H. Ralston Riddlerah. AAS was up a full ten points for those two episodes. Given the persistent stories about creative tension on the Sparky team, Peppy has to feel at least ambivalent about those numbers. The departure of John Valentine for the Outer Planets, bruited as a palliative measure for the continuing tensions in the boardroom and the story conference, seems to have helped only a little. Rumor has it that Gideon Peppy has lost creative control of his new baby. So who's in charge, Gideon?
from Elementary Educator's Bulletin
issue #390
"Kids at Risk"
by Humphrey Murgatroyd
It is a distinct pleasure to report that, of the three new television series to become hits in the past year, two of them are good to excellent.
Much has already been written in this journal and many others of the deplorable Skunk Cabbage, and I will not further belabor it here.
Scoop the Poop is, as some critics have suggested, simply What the Fuck? in new clothes. One may regret the lack of originality, but considering the great bulk of children's programming, we should count ourselves lucky that an offering from the Children's Educational Workshop is still available, still getting excellent downloadings.
But the real surprise, and the real quality, is Sparky and His Gang.
Sparky began with high hopes, quickly faded into a yawn with both children and educators, then resurrected itself with an astonishing array of new characters. It began so badly, in fact, that this reviewer stopped watching it after the third outing. Then a few weeks ago, alerted by its quick rise and by favorable comments from my students, I loaded every episode and have now watched each one three times.