At last, they drew apart. Tauran peered into Aliisza's eyes, as though searching for something there. She smiled at him, a grin that grew. She knew it showed her affection for the angel, her appreciation for all that he had done to bring her to that moment.
"I am whole," she said, and she reached up and caressed the deva's cheek.
He was so beautiful, she realized. Not just physically, though there was that. No, his inner strength, his convictions shone from within. She would have envied that if she didn't understand how he could share it with her. What she once would have wanted to wrest from him for her own use, she instead craved that he share with her. For in sharing it, it became even more bountiful, limitless.
"I have a surprise for you," the angel said, standing. He reached down and pulled Aliisza to her feet. "It's time."
The alu looked at her friend, confused. "Time for what?" she asked.
"To meet him," Tauran replied.
Aliisza's heart leaped into her throat. Her son! It was time to meet her child.
"N-no," she stammered, afraid. "I–I cannot."
"Why?" Tauran asked, genuinely puzzled. "You want to love him, and he you."
"Yes, but…" How could she explain it? she thought. How could she make sense of it herself? "I'm afraid," she said at last, raising her arms helplessly.
"Of what?"
"That he will not love me," she replied, and the tears welled up again. "That he will look upon his mother and know all the terrible things she has done, and he will turn away."
"That is possible," the deva said.
Aliisza looked at him, taken aback. His words surprised her. She had expected the angel to try to dismiss her fears, make her believe that all would be fine.
"You cannot predict, nor can you control, what is in another's heart," Tauran explained. "You can only give of yourself and see if something good comes in return."
"The risk…" Aliisza began, knowing it would always be there.
"Is worth the reward," the angel finished for her. "Without one, you cannot truly have the other."
Aliisza took a deep breath. "I know," she admitted. "But I am still afraid."
"Look how close you are, though," Tauran said. "Look what you've come through to achieve this. To turn away now would be tragic."
Aliisza thought through everything that had happened to her. Her struggle had been monumental, and through it all, the only thing that had ultimately mattered to her was to see her child born, and grow, and be happy. In a way, she had already sacrificed everything on his behalf. She knew then that it didn't matter what he thought of her. She had already given him everything she had.
"Take me to him," Aliisza said, mustering her conviction. "I want to see what he has become."
Tauran smiled and took her hand. "I don't need to," he said. "He's been here, with us, the whole time."
Aliisza felt a lump form in her throat. Here? All this time? He's watched me! Saw me laid open, bare, all of my failures! Oh, by the gods, no!
Tauran tugged at the half-fiend, gently pulled her along to the far side of the garden.
There, in the shadows, Aliisza could see a form. He was sitting on a bench, his face masked in darkness.
Her son.
He was larger than she expected, an adult. Much time had passed since his birth. Tauran had warned of it, but the impact didn't truly hit her until just then.
I've missed his childhood, she lamented. I wonder how much he will look like me, how much he will resemble Kaanyr. Thinking of the cambion made her pause a second time. Kaanyr. What will he think? What will he do?
As they approached, her son stood. He wore a simple white tunic and leggings, very similar to the clothing many of the inhabitants of the House donned. He was not as tall as Aliisza would have expected, given Kaanyr's stature. But he was graceful.
He stepped into the soft light of the moon, and Aliisza realized she didn't even know his name, but the thought that she ought to ask Tauran that question vanished the moment she saw his face.
Ghost white hair, shorn short, framed an aquiline face the color of a dusky evening sky.
The garnet eyes of Pharaun Mizzrym's progeny stared back at Aliisza.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Aliisza felt the world shudder around her. So many emotions, so many thoughts hit her all at once. A part of her mind thought it was a trick. Tauran had brought some imposter to her, some half-drow that could not possibly be her son, in order to trick her, to test her somehow. But peering at that face, with its slightly arched eyebrows and high, delicate cheekbones, she knew it was her son.
Hers and Pharaun's.
All that time, she had believed she carried Kaanyr Vhok's whelp within her. It was the only outcome she had considered, and when the error of her thinking made itself clear, she wanted to kick herself for her own foolish shortsightedness.
More emotion flooded through her. It began with a tingling, a feeling of something pressing against the back of her skull, at the base. Some dam that was on the verge of bursting hovered there.
And it was gone, and a torrent of memories hit her.
Aliisza staggered at the arrival of the onrushing visions. She watched them unfold inside her head as though she were there all over again.
She was standing in the passage of the Master's Hall, facing Zasian Menz. She was disguised as Ansa, dressed only in a nightshirt, and he was reprimanding her for her prowling so late at night.
"You put me in a very difficult position, child," he said.
"Yes, sir," she replied. "I will be more careful."
"And now," the seneschal added, pulling a pendant from his shirt, "I must prepare you for your impending journey."
Aliisza started, unsure what the handsome man meant, but suddenly wary. "What journey?" she asked, prepared to edge away from whatever the man had been about to inflict upon her.
"Kaanyr Vhok needs you to do this," Zasian replied, twirling the pendant in his fingers. "A very long and arduous journey, a potentially deadly one."
Aliisza's mouth gaped. "Who is Kaanyr?" she asked, feigning ignorance. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"It's all right, Aliisza," the seneschal answered. "I'm helping him. We've entered a pact to take the city together. I know your task is to secretly discredit Helm Dwarf-friend, but Vhok needs you for something more important now. We're going to meet you at the other end of this journey. You will be our key, to unlock the portal that is hidden. Without you, we cannot hope to succeed."
And he had proceeded to tell her many things. He had known she was with child, and he explained that her condition was necessary to make her journey. Her pregnancy would be the bait that would draw Tyr's lackeys to her, would tease them into capturing her with the intention of sparing her. He admonished her that she would need to protect the baby, whatever the cost. He had gone so far as to place a magical spell, a geas, he had called it, upon her to force her to comply. He explained that it would act subtly, without her knowledge, because she would not know that it existed. She would not know her own role in the game, for the angels would ferret it out of her. She had to be ignorant, he explained. He had given her instructions to follow, a litany of tasks to complete once she remembered them.
And, before she could protest, before she could resist, Zasian Menz had made her forget it all.
She had gone through all the trials and tribulations without that knowledge, believing she had simply been caught and confronted, a quirk of unfortunate chance. She had spent her captivity fearful and ashamed that she had somehow failed her cambion lover.