“Your dignity, your convictions, your being. Where do I get the right… No, no… it’s not about rights. It’s about me not wanting to pain the woman that I love more than anything. The being that I love more than anything!
“And what will happen when all this ends one day, Manami? Think about it. Your husband, the mayor of Megapolis, will come out as the winner in this war. He will be, and he should be, President of Earth. He deserves it.
“You say that I’m a dreamer, that I offer people dreams. And for years I was just visiting cities, with my friend Raul, and telling stories. And the entire time that I was telling stories, your husband was making them happen in Megapolis. He created the elite University, he motivated creative young people, he developed science, art, sports. Exactly what I was talking about — that’s what the mayor created. And that is why he will win. Because he created an invincible Megapolis.
“And what will happen when one day the mayor opens the door to this shelter and says ‘The war is over. We’ve won Alexander. You can come out of this hole in the ground.’ What will you do, Manami? Give up your husband, perhaps even your children, and stay with the greatest coward that ever existed? With a man… not a man, you cannot say that of me anymore… with the coward who spat on the sacrifice of his friends. The best and only friends that he had in his life.
“I curse myself for being, for you falling in love with me, for destroying your life. Love is very selfish. It wants the loved one just for itself. But not mine, Manami. My love is unearthly, unimaginable, almighty. It isn’t interested in me. It just loves you. It wants you to be happy, at peace. To again assume your position in your family. To be you again.”
Manami didn’t say a word. She quickly got up from the couch and turned on the light in the room. She stood in front of Pascal, dressed in a lilac sleeveless nightgown. Pascal sat in silence.
“You’re right, Pascal. I’m torn, shattered… and those several hours when we lie down I can’t sleep. My stomach is in knots, Pascal.”
Manami closed her eyes and squeezed them tightly. Her entire body was trembling. Then she swiftly raised her nightgown to her chin. She wasn’t wearing anything underneath it. She stood in front of Pascal, completely naked.
“Look, Pascal!” she shouted with her eyes shut. “Why would you need this body?! You’re used to the young beautiful bodies of girls! I won’t seduce you with my eyes any more! I won’t lie to you! Because there is nothing behind that! Just an ordinary woman, nearing forty!” Manami exclaimed.
Tears ran down Pascal’s face. He got up slowly, walked up to her and loosened her constricted fingers. The nightgown slid down her naked body. He pulled her towards his chest and kissed her hair.
“You’re crying, Pascal!” Manami shouted. “I don’t need that! I don’t need your pity! That’s only my concern! Only my pain, Pascal! If one of your sexy women had shown herself to you, you wouldn’t be crying, Pascal! You’d jump her body full of lust and make love to her!”
Pascal knelt down, grabbed her beneath the knees, fell her onto his arm and picked her up. He took her towards his room.
“Manami, I will now make love for the first time in my life.”
“Don’t you dare!” Manami shouted.
Chapter 116
They decided never again to sit in the dark. They turned on the light on the dresser. Manami sat in Pascal’s lap. She pressed her hands into his cheeks, and quickly kissed his lips, then retreated. Pascal stroked her neck and back.
“I’m the happiest!”
“No, I’m the happiest!”
“I’m the happiest! And shut up, I tell you!” She kissed him again.
“Alright, I’ll shut up, but I’m the happiest!”
“I want to hear it! Tell me again! Come on, tell me — whose body is the most beautiful in the world?”
“Your body, Manami, is the most beautiful in the world.”
Manami giggled.
“You should be ashamed of yourself for lying! I would be ashamed.”
“I’m not lying, my love. The most, most beautiful!”
“It’s all my fault. For loving so much when you lie to me.”
“The most, most beautiful! You are the most beautiful! The most wonderful, Manami! And it is the most beautiful body, which I could barely see through the tears. Let me look at you again, now that I’m no longer crying.”
“Don’t be cheeky, Pascal. Get serious. It’s out of the question!” Manami moved slightly away from Pascal and looked him in the eye. “Now tell me that thing.”
“Manami, with you I will make love for the first time in my life.”
“It is true? Is it true, my darling? You have never before made love?” she kissed his lips.
“It’s true, my love. Absolutely true. It’s the greatest truth of all. And that expression is silly. I don’t understand how can I make love? It makes me. It makes me belong to you, only you, my dearest being.”
“Pascal, my Pascal!” Manami giggled. “My love, my joy, my darling, my everything, everything! Only mine! Are you? Only mine? You are only mine?”
“Only yours! Only yours!” Pascal pressed her against his chest and kissed her hair.
They were silent for a while, touching and cuddling.
“I’m not sure that I heard everything that you told me,” said Manami. “I only thought about what you would say when you saw my body. But now I want to talk to you. To talk to you until the morning. About what you said or didn’t say, it doesn’t matter. And you to only listen to me. I am much smarter than you, I guess you’ve realized that up to now?”
“I know,” Pascal laughed.
“And you’re again imagining something in that head of yours and you don’t understand at all what is tormenting me. Everything needs to be explained to you, Pascal. Like to a child. But what can I do? That’s how I have it. First of all I’m not split between you and my family, my upbringing and my convictions. You and my children are my family. And my love is my only conviction. Don’t you see that the four of us here are like in a house. Julius comes, like the father, to see us and say hello to his children. And to drink tea with us, have lunch. Everything is as it’s supposed to be. He brings us food and supplies… That’s like paying alimony to me.”
“You’re being silly,” Pascal laughed.
“I’m not being silly, Pascal. That’s how it is now, that’s how it will be when we get out of here. Do you know that every time that Julius comes through our door I want to rush to you, to take you by the hand, to put my head on your shoulder, and tell him… him and Peter ‘Pascal and I are in love. We cannot live without each other. Julius, I want a divorce immediately and I want my children.’”
“Manami…” Pascal whispered.
“And why can’t I tell him that? Because the two of us, Pascal, don’t know what’s going on above us. I can’t know what we will face when we get out. Will some powerful force separate us? Will Julius take my children and will the two of us will be powerless to prevent it? We don’t know whether there is still a civilized world up there. And that’s why I remain quiet. That’s the only reason, Pascal. I have here what I want. You and the children. I couldn’t take it if we were not together, for any reason. If we had to be separated even for a day.”
Pascal raised her face and gently gave her a kiss on the lips.
“And secondly, Pascal, I very much want you. I want your body. It is truly the most beautiful thing in the world. And that’s why I don’t let you kiss me. Because if you were to really kiss me only once, I would lose it. And we would make love. And after that I would never be able to keep quiet, Pascal. Neither in front of the children, nor in front of Julius. Even if I didn’t say anything, he would see it as soon as he looked at me. Anyway, he is already noticing…”