Vincent, who’d had his eyes closed, started to recite the “Hail Mary.” But there was no response. He opened his eyes and looked at his mother. She had not changed in any external way. Tears streamed down Lucy’s face and Koesler was draping the stole around his shoulder.
Vincent seemed bewildered.
“The doc is on his-” What Tony saw from the doorway told him the story. He turned on his heel and went back downstairs.
Lucy made no effort to stop him-or her tears. She said only, “Keep going, Vinnie. Maybe she can still hear us.”
Now tears were flowing down Vinnie’s cheeks as well. He stumbled on. “… the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.”
“Holy Mary, mother of God. Pray for us sinners now, and at the hour-” Lucy choked, “-of our death, Amen.”
Almost in counterpoint with the rosary prayers, Koesler read from his ritual. “‘Into Thy hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit. Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. Holy Mary, pray for me. Mary, mother of grace, mother of mercy, protect me from the enemy, and receive me at the hour of my death. St. Joseph, pray for me. St. Joseph, in company with thy spouse, Mary, open to me the bosom of divine mercy.
“‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I give you my heart and my soul.
“‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph, assist me in my last agony.
“‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph, may I sleep and rest in peace in your holy company.
“‘Depart, Christian soul, out of this sinful world in the name of God the Father Almighty who created you; in the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God, Who suffered and died for you; in the name of the Holy Ghost, who sanctified you; in the name of the glorious and blessed Virgin Mary, mother of God; in the name of blessed Joseph, the illustrious spouse of Mary; in the name of the angels, archangels, Thrones, Dominations, Virtues, Cherubim and Seraphim; in the name of the Patriarchs and Prophets, of the holy Apostles and Evangelists, of the holy Martyrs and Confessors, of the holy monks and hermits, of the holy virgins and of all the saints of God. Let peace come to you this day, and let your abode be in holy Sion. Through the same Christ, our Lord. Amen.’”
18
During the prayers, Lucy gently closed her mother’s mouth. The eyes were already closed.
After the prayers, Father Koesler and Lucy stood. Vincent remained kneeling at the foot of the bed, clutching his mother’s ankles.
“Do you want to stay with her?” Koesler asked Lucy.
“I think we’d better find Tony,” she said.
It occurred to Koesler-and not for the first time-that of the three offspring, Lucy by far was the rock.
Vincent seemed in another land.
“We’re going to find Tony and be with him, Vinnie,” Koesler said. “Do you want to come?”
No response.
“Vinnie-” Lucy said sharply.
“No,” Koesler said. “Let’s leave him alone. He wants to be with your mother. Besides, the doctor should be here any minute.”
They found Tony standing in front of the darkened TV screen, hands thrust deep in his pockets. Wordless, they stood on either side of him for what seemed a much longer time than actually transpired.
“Damn Vinnie and damn his damn miracle!” Tony said bitterly.
“It’s not Vinnie’s fault,” Lucy said quietly.
“No? Whose idea was it not to try therapy?”
“It doesn’t matter whose idea it was originally,” Lucy shot back. “The point is once it was proposed, we all agreed to skip a treatment that stood almost no chance of being effective. All of us, that is, with the possible exception of you. You lost that vote. We couldn’t ask some hospital to give Ma one fifth of a radiation treatment because you wanted it and I and Vinnie and Father and Doc didn’t.”
“So, okay: You won.” Tony was almost snarling. “The point is, without therapy Ma lasted about a month. With treatments, she could have watched you and me graduate. She could’ve watched St. Vincent get ordained. Now she’s not going to be here at all. Now,” his voice rose, “she’ll miss everything.”
“This is no good, Tony,” Koesler said. “You can Monday-morning quarterback from either side. We agreed it would be better to skip radiation. Even your mother agreed.”
“What chance did she have of disagreeing? The vote was four to one before Ma could speak her piece.”
“Try and look at it this way, Tony: We tried going without treatment. We know now that had its expected result: She passed away. The only real surprise is that it happened earlier than we anticipated.
“Imagine,” Koesler continued, “that we had agreed to have the radiation treatments. We-the doctor, all of us-were quite sure they could not cure her-not with the cancer she had. But suppose we had gone with the radiation. We know she would have been pretty miserable and uncomfortable. Much more so than if she hadn’t gotten them. So then, when she inevitably died, we would’ve been second-guessing ourselves … wondering what her quality of life would’ve been like if she hadn’t had to undergo the treatment. Her quality of life was much better without than with.
“What is quite certain is that with or without, she had a terminal illness. But as I said: One could argue either side. No one could claim that each and every one of us didn’t want what all considered best for your mother.
“And as for the miracle that Vincent worked and prayed for almost alone, it really was the only possible solution to this tragedy. At times, just based on Vinnie’s investment of prayer and sacrifice, I actually expected it to happen.
“The big thing is: It’s over. With or without treatment, and without a miracle, it’s over. Sooner or later it will be over for all of us. Your mother has gone from here to eternal life. The challenge you two have is to live up to your mother’s standards. And one quick way to do that is for you to love each other and forgive each other whenever forgiveness is called for.
“I mean, picture your mother here, now, as well she may be. You wouldn’t want her to see you bickering and, in effect, blaming one another for her death.
“With your mother gone, you’re all going to have to be closer than ever.”
For a minute, there was neither sound nor movement. Then, tentatively, Lucy moved to Tony and embraced him. He returned her hug.
Typical, thought Koesler in his growing admiration for Lucy; typical that she would be the first to make a gesture of reconciliation.
The doorbell broke the silence.
Having been summoned to an emergency call and seeing the three of them in the living room instead of upstairs with Louise, Dr. Schmidt knew immediately. “She’s gone.” It wasn’t a question.
“We think so.” As far as Koesler was concerned it wasn’t official until the doctor confirmed it.
They followed Dr. Schmidt up the stairs, but remained in the hall while he entered the bedroom.
After some minutes, he called them in.
He had pulled the sheet over Louise’s small body. He was writing on what seemed to be a document and was, in fact, the death certificate. “Do you want me to help make arrangements?” he asked of no one in particular.
“No. Ma and I talked this through,” said Lucy. “I know what to do.” She left the room and they could hear her firm footsteps going down the stairs.
Tony stood near the doorway, not knowing quite how to react.
“This was fast,” Schmidt said. “I certainly didn’t expect her to go this quickly.” He turned to Koesler. “How long have you been here, Father?”
“I came right after noon Mass.” Koesler studied his watch. “About an hour and a half, I’d say.”
“Did she seem in any distress?”
“No … I don’t think so. Mostly she was resting. I talked with her for a while. That was right after I got here. We all took turns”-he looked around at the other two-“of about fifteen or twenty minutes each. It was during Tony’s watch that she … well, began to die. We prayed for her. Her … agony lasted no more than half an hour … although,” he added, again looking at the other two, “it seemed a lot longer. She seemed to be trying to breathe and finding it more and more difficult. We all were with her when she passed.”