"This is the belly of the beast!" the captain said. "Aye! It's the center of all operations aboard the Queequeg! This is where we control the submarine, eat our meals, research our missions, and play board games when we're tired of working!" He strode over to one panel and ducked his head beneath it. "Fiona!" he called. "Come out of there!"
There was a faint rattling sound, and then the children saw something race out from under the panel and halfway across the floor. In the dim green light it took a moment to see it was a girl a bit older than Violet, who was lying faceup on a small wheeled platform. She was wearing a suit just like Captain Widdershin's, with the same portrait of the bearded man on the front, and had a flashlight in one hand and a pair of pliers in the other. Smiling, she handed the pliers to her stepfather, who helped her up from the platform as she put on a pair of eyeglasses with triangular frames.
"Baudelaires," the captain said, "this is Fiona, my stepdaughter. Fiona, this is Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire."
"Charmed," she said, extending a gloved hand first to Violet, then to Klaus, and finally to Sunny, who gave Fiona a big toothy smile. "I'm sorry I wasn't upstairs to meet you. I've been trying to repair this telegram device, but electrical repairwork is not my specialty."
"Aye!" the captain said. "For quite some time we've stopped receiving telegrams, but Fiona can't seem to make heads or tails of the device! Violet, get to work!"
"You'll have to forgive the way my stepfather speaks," Fiona said, putting an arm around him. "It can take some getting used to."
"We don't have time to get used to anything!" Captain Widdershins cried. "This is no time to be passive! He who hesitates is lost!"
"Or she," Fiona corrected quietly. "Come on, Violet, I'll get you a uniform. If you're wondering whose portrait is one the front, it's Herman Melville."
"He's one of my favorite authors," Klaus said. "I really enjoy the way he dramatizes the plight of overlooked people, such as poor sailors or exploited youngsters, through his strange, often experimental philosophical prose."
"I should have known you liked him," Fiona replied. "When Josephine's house fell into the lake, my stepfather and I managed to save some of her library before it became too soaked. I read some of your decoding notes, Klaus. You're a very perceptive researcher."
"It's very kind of you to say so," Klaus said.
"Aye!" the captain cried. "A perceptive researcher is just what we need!" He stomped over to the table and lifted a pile of papers. "A certain taxi driver managed to smuggle these charts to me," he said, "but I can't make head or tail of them! They're confusing! They're confounding! They're conversational! No that's not what I mean!"
"I think you mean convoluted," Klaus said, peering at the charts. "'Conversational' means having to do with conversations,' but convoluted' means complicated.' What kind of charts are they?"
"Tidal charts!" the captain cried. "We have to figure out the exact course of the predominant tides at the point where the Stricken Stream meets the sea! Klaus, I want you to find a uniform and then get to work immediately! Aye!"
"Aye!" Klaus said, trying to get into the spirit of the Queequeg.
"Aye!" the captain answered in a happy roar.
"I?" Sunny asked.
"Aye!" the captain said. "I haven't forgotten about you, Sunny! I'd never forget Sunny! Never in a million years! Not that I will live that long! Particularly because I don't exercise very much! But I don't like exercising, so it's worth it! Why, I remember when they wouldn't let me go mountain climbing because I hadn't trained properly, and "
"Perhaps you should tell Sunny what you have in mind for her to do," Fiona said gently.
"Of course!" the captain roared. "Naturally! Our other crewman has been in charge of cooking, but all he does is make these terrible damp casseroles! I'm tired of them! I'm hoping your cooking skills might improve our meal situation!"
"Sous," Sunny said modestly, which meant something like, "I haven't been cooking for very long," and her siblings were quick to translate.
"Well, we're in a hurry!" the captain replied, walking over to a far door marked KITCHEN. "We can't wait for Sunny to become an expert chef before getting to work! He or she who hesitates is lost!" He opened the door and called inside. "Cookie! Get out here and meet the Baudelaires!"
The children heard some quiet, uneven footsteps, as if the cook had something wrong with one leg, and then a man limped through the door, wearing the same uniform as the captain and a wide smile on his face.
"Baudelaires!" he said. "I always believed I would see you again someday!"
The three siblings looked at the man and then at one another in stupefaction, a word which here means "amazement at seeing a man for the first time since their stay at Lucky Smells Lumbermill, when his kindness toward them had been one of the few positive aspects of that otherwise miserable chapter in their lives." "Phil!" Violet cried. "What on earth are you doing here?"
"He's the second of our crew of two!" the captain cried. "Aye! The original second in the crew of two was Fiona's mother, but she died in a manatee accident quite a few years ago."
"I'm not so sure it was an accident," Fiona said.
"Then we had Jacques!" the captain continued. "Aye, and then what's-his-name, Jacques's brother, and then a dreadful woman who turned out to be a spy, and finally we have Phil! Although I like to call him Cookie! I don't know why!"
"I was tired of working in the lumber industry," Phil said. "I was sure I could find a better job, and look at me now cook on a dilapidated submarine. Life keeps on getting better and better."
"You always were an optimist," Klaus said.
"We don't need an optimist!" Captain Widdershins said. "We need a cook! Get to work, Baudelaires! All of you! Aye! We have no time to waste! He who hesitates is lost!"
"Or she," Fiona reminded her stepfather. "And do we really have to start right this minute? I'm sure the Baudelaires are exhausted from their journey. We could spend a nice quiet evening playing board games "
"Board games?" the captain said in astonishment. "Amusements? Entertainments? We don't have time for such things! Aye! Today's Saturday, which means we only have five days left! Thursday is the V.F.D. gathering, and I don't want anyone at the Hotel Denouement to say that the Queequeg hasn't performed its mission!"
"Mission?" Sunny asked.
"Aye!" Captain Widdershins said. "We mustn't hesitate! We must act! We must hurry! We must move! We must search! We must investigate! We must hunt! We must pursue! We must stop occasionally for a brief snack! We must find that sugar bowl before Count Olaf does! Aye!"
Chapter Three
The expression "Shiver me timbers!" comes from the society of pirates, who enjoy using interesting expressions almost as much as jumping aboard other people's ships and stealing their valuables. It is an expression of extreme amazement, used in circumstances when one feels as if one's very bones, or timbers, are shivering. I have not used the expression since one rainy night when it was necessary to pose as a pirate experiencing amazement, but when Captain Widdershins told the Baudelaire orphans where the Queequeg was going and what it was searching for, there was a perfect opportunity to utter these words.
"Shiver me timbers!" Sunny cried.
"Your timbers!" the captain cried back. "Are the Baudelaires practicing piracy? Aye! My heavens! If your parents knew that you were stealing the treasures of others "
"We're not pirates, Captain Widdershins," Violet said hastily. "Sunny is just using an expression she learned from an old movie. She just means that we're surprised.'