THE MURDER OF THE MANDARIN
I
‘What’s that you’re saying about murder?’ asked Mrs Cheswardine as she came into the large drawing-room, carrying the supper-tray.
‘Put it down here,’ said her husband, referring to the supper-tray, and pointing to a little table which stood two legs off and two legs on the hearthrug.
‘That apron suits you immensely,’ murmured Woodruff, the friend of the family, as he stretched his long limbs into the fender towards the fire, farther even than the long limbs of Cheswardine. Each man occupied an easy-chair on either side of the hearth; each was very tall, and each was forty.
Mrs Cheswardine, with a whisk infinitely graceful, set the tray on the table, took a seat behind it on a chair that looked like a toddling grandnephew of the armchairs, and nervously smoothed out the apron.
As a matter of fact, the apron did suit her immensely. It is astounding, delicious, adorable, the effect of a natty little domestic apron suddenly put on over an elaborate and costly frock, especially when you can hear the rustle of a silk petticoat beneath, and more especially when the apron is smoothed out by jewelled fingers. Every man knows this. Every woman knows it. Mrs Cheswardine knew it. In such matters Mrs Cheswardine knew exactly what she was about. She delighted, when her husband brought Woodruff in late of a night, as he frequently did after a turn at the club, to prepare with her own hands—the servants being in bed—a little snack of supper for them. Tomato sandwiches, for instance, miraculously thin, together with champagne or Bass. The men preferred Bass, naturally, but if Mrs Cheswardine had a fancy for a sip of champagne out of her husband’s tumbler, Bass was not forthcoming.
Tonight it was champagne.
Woodruff opened it, as he always did, and involuntarily poured out a libation on the hearth, as he almost always did. Good-natured, ungainly, long-suffering men seldom achieve the art of opening champagne.
Mrs Cheswardine tapped her pink-slippered foot impatiently.
‘You’re all nerves tonight,’ Woodruff laughed, ‘and you’ve made me nervous,’ And at length he got some of the champagne into a tumbler.
‘No, I’m not,’ Mrs Cheswardine contradicted him.
‘Yes, you are, Vera,’ Woodruff insisted calmly.
She smiled. The use of that elegant Christian name, with its faint suggestion of Russian archduchesses, had a strange effect on her, particularly from the lips of Woodruff. She was proud of it, and of her surname too—one of the oldest surnames in the Five Towns. The syllables of ‘Vera’ invariably soothed her, like a charm. Woodruff, and Cheswardine also, had called her Vera during the whole of her life; and she was thirty. They had all three lived in different houses at the top end of Trafalgar Road, Bursley. Woodruff fell in love with her first, when she was eighteen, but with no practical result. He was a brown-haired man, personable despite his ungainliness, but he failed to perceive that to worship from afar off is not the best way to capture a young woman with large eyes and an emotional disposition. Cheswardine, who had a black beard, simply came along and married the little thing. She fluttered down on to his shoulders like a pigeon. She adored him, feared him, cooed to him, worried him, and knew that there were depths of his mind which she would never plumb. Woodruff, after being best man, went on loving, meekly and yet philosophically, and found his chief joy in just these suppers. The arrangement suited Vera; and as for the husband and the hopeless admirer, they had always been fast friends.
‘I asked you what you were saying about murder,’ said Vera sharply, ‘but it seems—’
‘Oh! did you?’ Woodruff apologized. ‘I was saying that murder isn’t such an impossible thing as it appears. Anyone might commit a murder.’
‘Then you want to defend, Harrisford? Do you hear what he says, Stephen?’
The notorious and terrible Harrisford murders were agitating the Five Towns that November. People read, talked, and dreamt murder; for several weeks they took murder to all their meals.
‘He doesn’t want to defend Harrisford at all,’ said Cheswardine, with a superior masculine air, ‘and of course anyone might commit a murder. I might.’
‘Stephen! How horrid you are!’ ‘You might, even!’ said Woodruff, gazing at Vera.
‘Charlie! Why, the blood alone—’
‘There isn’t always blood,’ said the oracular husband.
‘Listen here,’ proceeded Woodruff, who read variously and enjoyed philosophical speculation. ‘Supposing that by just taking thought, by just wishing it, an Englishman could kill a mandarin in China and make himself rich for life, without anybody knowing anything about it! How many mandarins do you suppose there would be left in China at the end of a week!’
‘At the end of twenty-four hours, rather,’ said Cheswardine grimly.
‘Not one,’ said Woodruff.
‘But that’s absurd,’ Vera objected, disturbed. When these two men began their philosophical discussions they always succeeded in disturbing her. She hated to see life in a queer light. She hated to think.
‘It isn’t absurd,’ Woodruff replied. ‘It simply shows that what prevents wholesale murder is not the wickedness of it, but the fear of being found out, and the general mess, and seeing the corpse, and so on.’
Vera shuddered.
‘And I’m not sure,’ Woodruff proceeded, ‘that murder is so very much more wicked than lots of other things.’
‘Usury, for instance,’ Cheswardine put in.
‘Or bigamy,’ said Woodruff.
‘But an Englishman COULDN’T kill a mandarin in China by just wishing it,’ said Vera, looking up.
‘How do we know?’ said Woodruff, in his patient voice. ‘How do we know? You remember what I was telling you about thought-transference last week. It was in Borderland.’
Vera felt as if there was no more solid ground to stand on, and it angered her to be plunging about in a bog.
‘I think it’s simply silly,’ she remarked. ‘No, thanks.’
She said ‘No, thanks’ to her husband, when he tendered his glass.
He moved the glass still closer to her lips.
‘I said “No, thanks,”’ she repeated dryly.
‘Just a mouthful,’ he urged.
‘I’m not thirsty.’
‘Then you’d better go to bed,’ said he.
He had a habit of sending her to bed abruptly. She did not dislike it. But she had various ways of going. Tonight it was the way of an archduchess.
II
Woodruff, in stating that Vera was all nerves that evening, was quite right. She was. And neither her husband nor Woodruff knew the reason.
The reason had to do most intimately with frocks.
Vera had been married ten years. But no one would have guessed it, to watch her girlish figure and her birdlike ways. You see, she was the only child in the house. She often bitterly regretted the absence of offspring to the name and honour of Cheswardine. She envied other wives their babies. She doted on babies. She said continually that in her deliberate opinion the proper mission of women was babies. She was the sort of woman that regards a cathedral as a place built especially to sit in and dream soft domestic dreams; the sort of woman that adores music simply because it makes her dream. And Vera’s brown studies, which were frequent, consisted chiefly of babies. But as babies amused themselves by coming down the chimneys of all the other houses in Bursley, and avoiding her house, she sought comfort in frocks. She made the best of herself. And it was a good best. Her figure was as near perfect as a woman’s can be, and then there were those fine emotional eyes, and that flutteringness of the pigeon, and an ever-changing charm of gesture. Vera had become the best-dressed woman in Bursley. And that is saying something. Her husband was wealthy, with an increasing income, though, of course, as an earthenware manufacturer, and the son and grandson of an earthenware manufacturer, he joined heartily in the general Five Towns lamentation that there was no longer any money to be made out of ‘pots’. He liked to have a well-dressed woman about the house, and he allowed her an incredible allowance, the amount of which was breathed with awe among Vera’s friends; a hundred a year, in fact. He paid it to her quarterly, by cheque. Such was his method.