‘I suppose you know Simon Fuge is dead?’ I remarked, in a pause.
‘No! Is he?’ said Mr Brindley, with interest. ‘Is it in the paper?’
He did not seem to be quite sure that it would be in the paper.
‘Here it is,’ said I, and I passed him the Gazette.
‘Ha!’ he exclaimed explosively. This ‘Ha!’ was entirely different from his ‘Ah!’ Something shot across his eyes, something incredibly rapid—too rapid for a wink; yet it could only be called a wink. It was the most subtle transmission of the beyond-speech that I have ever known any man accomplish, and it endeared Mr Brindley to me. But I knew not its significance.
‘What do they think of Fuge down here?’ I asked.
‘I don’t expect they think of him,’ said my host.
He pulled a pouch and a packet of cigarette papers from his pocket.
‘Have one of mine,’ I suggested, hastily producing my case.
He did not even glance at its contents.
‘No, thanks,’ he said curtly.
I named my brand.
‘My dear sir,’ he said, with a return to his kindly exasperation, ‘no cigarette that is not fresh made can be called a cigarette.’ I stood corrected. ‘You may pay as much as you like, but you can never buy cigarettes as good as I can make out of an ounce of fresh B.D.V. tobacco. Can you roll one?’ I had to admit that I could not, I who in Bloomsbury was accepted as an authority on cigarettes as well as on porcelain. ‘I’ll roll you one, and you shall try it.’
He did so.
I gathered from his solemnity that cigarettes counted in the life of Mr Brindley. He could not take cigarettes other than seriously. The worst of it was that he was quite right. The cigarette which he constructed for me out of his wretched B.D.V. tobacco was adorable, and I have made my own cigarettes ever since. You will find B.D.V. tobacco all over the haunts frequented by us of the Museum now-a-days, solely owing to the expertise of Mr Brindley. A terribly capable and positive man! He KNEW, and he knew that he knew.
He said nothing further as to Simon Fuge. Apparently he had forgotten the decease.
‘Do you often see the Gazette?’ I asked, perhaps in the hope of attracting him back to Fuge.
‘No,’ he said; ‘the musical criticism is too rotten.’
Involuntarily I bridled. It was startling, and it was not agreeable, to have one’s favourite organ so abruptly condemned by a provincial architect in knickerbockers and a cap, in the midst of all that industrial ugliness. What could the Five Towns know about art? Yet here was this fellow condemning the Gazette on artistic grounds. I offered no defence, because he was right—again. But I did not like it.
‘Do you ever see the Manchester Guardian?’ he questioned, carrying the war into my camp.
‘No,’ I said.
‘Pity!’ he ejaculated.
‘I’ve often heard that it’s a very good paper,’ I said politely.
‘It isn’t a very good paper,’ he laid me low. ‘It’s the best paper in the world. Try it for a month—it gets to Euston at half-past eight—and then tell me what you think.’
I saw that I must pull myself together. I had glided into the Five Towns in a mood of gentle, wise condescension. I saw that it would be as well, for my own honour and safety, to put on another mood as quickly as possible, otherwise I might be left for dead on the field. Certainly the fellow was provincial, curt, even brutal in his despisal of diplomacy. Certainly he exaggerated the importance of cigarettes in the great secular scheme of evolution. But he was a man; he was a very tonic dose. I thought it would be safer to assume that he knew everything, and that the British Museum knew very little. Yet at the British Museum he had been quite different, quite deferential and rather timid. Still, I liked him. I liked his eyes.
The train stopped at an incredible station situated in the centre of a rolling desert whose surface consisted of broken pots and cinders. I expect no one to believe this.
‘Here we are,’ said he blithely. ‘No, give me the bag. Porter!’
His summons to the solitary porter was like a clap of thunder.
III
He lived in a low, blackish-crimson heavy-browed house at the corner of a street along which electric cars were continually thundering. There was a thin cream of mud on the pavements and about two inches of mud in the roadway, rich, nourishing mud like Indian ink half-mixed. The prospect of carrying a pound or so of that unique mud into a civilized house affrighted me, but Mr Brindley opened his door with his latchkey and entered the abode as unconcernedly as if some fair repentent had cleansed his feet with her tresses.
‘Don’t worry too much about the dirt,’ he said. ‘You’re in Bursley.’
The house seemed much larger inside than out. A gas-jet burnt in the hall, and sombre portieres gave large mysterious hints of rooms. I could hear, in the distance, the noise of frizzling over a fire, and of a child crying. Then a tall, straight, wellmade, energetic woman appeared like a conjuring trick from behind a portiere.
‘How do you do, Mr Loring?’ she greeted me, smiling. ‘So glad to meet you.’
‘My wife,’ Mr Brindley explained gravely.
‘Now, I may as well tell you now, Bob,’ said she, still smiling at me. ‘Bobbie’s got a sore throat and it may be mumps; the chimney’s been on fire and we’re going to be summoned; and you owe me sixpence.’
‘Why do I owe you sixpence?’
‘Because Annie’s had her baby and it’s a girl.’
‘That’s all right. Supper ready?’
‘Supper is waiting for you.’
She laughed. ‘Whenever I have anything to tell my husband, I always tell him at ONCE!’ she said. ‘No matter who’s there.’ She pronounced ‘once’ with a wholehearted enthusiasm for its vowel sound that I have never heard equalled elsewhere, and also with a very magnified ‘w’ at the beginning of it. Often when I hear the word ‘once’ pronounced in less downright parts of the world, I remember how they pronounce it in the Five Towns, and there rises up before me a complete picture of the district, its atmosphere, its spirit.
Mr Brindley led me to a large bathroom that had a faint odour of warm linen. In addition to a lot of assorted white babyclothes there were millions of towels in that bathroom. He turned on a tap and the place was instantly full of steam from a jet of boiling water.
‘Now, then,’ he said, ‘you can start.’
As he showed no intention of leaving me, I did start. ‘Mind you don’t scald yourself,’ he warned me, ‘that water’s HOT.’ While I was washing, he prepared to wash. I suddenly felt as if I had been intimate with him and his wife for about ten years.
‘So this is Bursley!’ I murmured, taking my mouth out of a towel.
‘Bosley, we call it,’ he said. ‘Do you know the limerick—”There was a young woman of Bosley”?’
‘No.’
He intoned the local limerick. It was excellently good; not meet for a mixed company, but a genuine delight to the true amateur. One good limerick deserves another. It happened that I knew a number of the unprinted Rossetti limericks, precious things, not at all easy to get at. I detailed them to Mr Brindley, and I do not exaggerate when I say that I impressed him. I recovered all the ground I had lost upon cigarettes and newspapers. He appreciated those limericks with a juster taste than I should have expected. So, afterwards, did his friends. My belief is that I am to this day known and revered in Bursley, not as Loring the porcelain expert from the British Museum, but as the man who first, as it were, brought the good news of the Rossetti limericks from Ghent to Aix.