When the lecture was almost over, Keisuke opened his eyes and said something to me. I wasn’t really listening to him, so I just gave a vague answer. After class, Keisuke walked beside me as I left the classroom. He asked if I wanted to go to the cafeteria, and I realized that I was hungry. I decided to go along with him to get something to eat.
“You’re coming to the speed dating thing tonight, right? I don’t know how many people will be there, but I think the girls will be hot. It won’t be any fun if you don’t come along — you know I need my wingman, right?” Keisuke said, laughing jovially. I thought of the gun, and declined. But Keisuke wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“Come on, I’m serious — I haven’t had sex for a while now. It’s been like a month. Really. I’m going to lose it if I don’t get some. I need you on my team — you can have the hot one. It’ll be worth your while.”
“It makes no difference if I’m there or not.”
“No, man, it matters to me. You always know how to come through for me. Like before, you got those two chicks to come out with us, didn’t you? You could do it again.”
Keisuke was so persistent, I had no choice but to give in. I regretted it as the image of the gun flickered in my mind. I had been thinking that today I would go out and buy some white cloth to lay under the gun. Then again, it might not be so bad to delay my gratification.
Keisuke and I killed some time, then headed to the bar. For some reason, the air conditioning was on inside, and I felt a little cold in the artificial chill. “We’ve been waiting for you,” I heard someone say, and I saw Nakanishi. Keisuke and I had made a conscious decision to show up later than we were supposed to. It drew more attention, and somehow it was better to seem like you weren’t really all that enthusiastic. Nakanishi was sitting at a large table with four girls and a guy whose face I recognized. I had only met him recently, and even though he had told me his name at the time, I couldn’t quite remember it. Keisuke and I made up an excuse for being late, and Keisuke must have said something funny, because they all laughed at the same time. Two of the girls were awful, and the other two were average. Predictably, Keisuke and I chatted up the average-looking pair. We all left the bar and headed to a karaoke place. For whatever reason — maybe because they were drunk — both of the ugly girls were really hyped up, and they kept touching me. Every so often Nakanishi and I caught each other’s eye and couldn’t keep from smirking. One of the ugly girls was a good singer, and she seemed to know it, because she sang a lot of songs. She sputtered a lot, though, and since I was next to her, her saliva landed on me repeatedly.
I went to the toilet, and Keisuke showed up a little later. “I’m definitely gonna get some tonight,” he said. “She’s not all that cute, but that doesn’t matter to me tonight.” All I could do was laugh at him. I saw one of the average-looking girls heading toward the toilet, and I called out to her. “You look a little down,” I said, and she told me she was stressed about her boyfriend, and she really hadn’t planned on coming here tonight. I said that I wasn’t really in a partying mood either, I felt more like having a quiet drink, and I mentioned the idea of going somewhere else. Keisuke said, “There’s no reason to force it if you’re not in the mood,” glancing at me for some reason. Then we got her to send a text to the other average-looking girl to come over and join us, and the four of us left the bar together. Keisuke texted Nakanishi, hiding his smirk. I asked him what he’d written and Keisuke said that he’d asked Nakanishi to take care of the others. He smirked again. As I laughed with him, I noticed that the first girl looked really upset. I knew that most girls liked to talk about whatever was stressing them out. I stared at the pair of them, not really feeling up to it. Still, I focused on the one with bigger breasts as I thought about what to do next. Normally in this kind of situation, I would play the nice guy and go home, but because of the gun, I had been in such a good mood these last few days. I made up my mind to do it tonight, just like Keisuke.
He and I chose a quiet bar, and we listened to the girls talk. We ordered strong drinks for them, and sympathized with whatever they said, caring expressions on our faces. At one point, the girls started to feel guilty about sneaking out of the karaoke bar, but Keisuke and I told them not to worry about it. “Just tell them we forced you to leave, or we were begging and crying, so you were freaked out and followed us. Make us the bad guys, so they won’t blame you or the other girls. I mean, we were the ones who asked you to go anyway, weren’t we,” Keisuke said, laughing a bit, though I wasn’t sure why.
After a little time had passed, I thought I’d give it a shot, so I touched the hand of the girl who I had been talking to the most, then caressed her hair, and she made no move to resist. Seems like the time is right, I thought to myself, and I decided to stop drinking. Then I left the bar with the girl.
We took a taxi to the building where the girl lived, and I went into her apartment. She seemed pretty drunk, but I suspected that she wasn’t really as tipsy as she was pretending to be. I threw her down on the bed and undressed her. I decided to pay special attention to her body. Normally, at this point, I basically did whatever I felt like. Plenty of times, I just came whenever I was ready to. But, this time, I proceeded cautiously and deliberately, watching for her response to whatever I did. I chalked it up to my recently improved mood. She moaned a lot, and I focused on that while I took as much time as I was capable of.
3
I woke up in the girl’s apartment. I had intended to leave before she woke up, but I must have been tired, because the girl was no longer beside me in bed. I heard a clink, followed immediately by the rushing sound of a flame. There was an earth-toned curtain that acted as a divider so I couldn’t see, but I figured she must have been cooking something. The scent of her on the fingertips of my right hand made me nauseous. I reached out and grabbed my cigarettes from on top of the table, lit one, and inhaled. My discarded clothes were folded neatly at the foot of the bed in a way that made them seem like they weren’t mine.
“Oh, I must have woken you up. Sorry,” she said, peeking through the curtain. It being morning, she was made up simply, and she was wearing a white sweatshirt. I liked what she said to me, it made me feel satisfied. The words she had spoken were common and ordinary, yet there was something indescribably good about them. Searching for an appropriate response, I said, “No, that’s okay.” I thought that sounded inadequate, so I added, “What time is it?”
“It’s already ten. Too late to make second period. I didn’t really feel like going anyway.”
“Nine? I guess I thought it was earlier.”
“What? It’s ten — not nine. I said ten,” she said with a little laugh, then announced that she was making coffee.
I thanked her, and asked her to make it strong. I got up from the bed, and put on the folded clothes. Then I thought about what I should do now. I realized I could do anything in this situation. The old me had enjoyed these kinds of thrills, but it was hard for the new me to experience it the same way. They say that a person can get used to anything, and I agree that is often true. Call it self-centered, but I felt nothing more than weary annoyance about what to do next.
I put out my cigarette, and walked into the kitchen where she was making coffee. She had her back to me, and I wrapped my arms around her body from behind. Aware that I was being vulgar, I touched her breasts and ran my mouth along the nape of her neck. I did it so that she would think I was the worst kind of guy, only interested in her body, and the idea that maybe I was that guy made me smirk. She laughed, too, and pressed against my chest as she said, “Wait a minute.” I put my right arm between her legs, roughly sliding my hand over her sex through the denim of her jeans. I said, “Lemme do it one more time. I only got a taste last night, I need some more.” I waited for her to get angry at me. I thought she might throw the boiling water on the burner at me, which I supposed would have been a reasonable thing to do. I resigned myself to whatever was going to happen next. I took great pleasure in the act of choosing to surrender myself. But she burst into laughter.