“How about erections, how often do you experience them?”
“What?”
“Erections, you know, stiffies?”
Kyle went red.
“Oh, well, I think I might have had one once, but I’m not sure.”
The doctor looked at her.
“Once?”
She shrugged.
“Have you started shaving yet?”
“No.”
“Okay, thank. I’m sorry to ask you all these questions, but I think they are all important if we are to solve your little mystery,” the doctor said.
“Mystery?”
“Let’s finish up, and I’ll tell you what I think I’ve found.”
His subject was slightly distressed at being so closely scrutinised, so he suggested that she dress again as soon as he had finished. He was then surprised at the change once she was dressed once more.
“So, how do you see yourself?” he asked.
“I’m a girl with a physical abnormality.”
“Wouldn’t you rather have the desire to be a girl removed?”
She shook her head.
“No thanks. I want to be a girl.”
“How about the clothes. How long have you been cross dressing?”
“This is my third day.”
The doctor was surprised again.
“The third day? You’re joking?”
“Why should I joke? I’ve always felt I was a girl, and I did dress up once ages ago, but I only started this a couple of days ago.”
“Do you get a sexual kick from the clothes?”
“No. I don’t think I’ve ever got a sexual kick from anything.”
The doctor smiled and made some notes.
“Do you know the difference between a transsexual and someone who is inter-sexed?”
“Yes.”
The doctor smiled again.
“Try and make this easier for me, please tell me?”
“A transsexual is someone who believes that they are trapped in the body of the opposite gender, and for whom surgery is often the only means they have of becoming the person they feel they should be. When someone is inter-sexed they have elements of both genders physically present in their body, and as a result, they are confused as to which gender they are. Often they feel the gender that may not necessarily be the most obvious.”
“Which do you think you are?”
“I’m a girl in a boy’s body. I don’t think I have any girl’s bits, so unless you tell me I have, I must be a transsexual.”
Dr Hillier asked Kayla several more questions about her attitude and general feelings concerning the whole concept of being female, as opposed to remaining as a boy.
Kayla found the questions easy to answer and started to relax. Dr Hillier found her a delightful young person, having the greatest difficulty holding onto the fact that this young person was genetically male.
Finally, the questions ended and he smiled.
“I’m not a specialist in this field. I’m just a G.P., so although I have had some experience, I am not an authority. I do believe that you are inter-sexed to a greater degree. The evidence is clear, you have a female figure, you have small genitalia, which have not formed correctly, and slightly distended abdomen, indicating the presence of something that may not be usual. Blood tests would tell us of your hormone levels, so that will be the next step.
“I’m not a gambling man, but if I was, I’d say that there is more to you than anyone of us realises, and I think it is vital that we get someone to look at you in the very near future. I am going to refer you to a gender disorder specialist at the JR (John Radcliffe Hospital, Oxford). He’s one of the best, and I think it is vital that we get you to him as soon as we can.
“If you go out and tell your mother what we’ve discovered, and I’ll attempt to speak with his secretary, and then I’ll have you both back in here in a jiffy, okay?”
Kayla smiled uncertainly. Suddenly everything that had been almost clear was now even more uncertain again, and she was not sure she understood.
She went out and sat next to her mother.
“Well?”
Kayla told her. Rebecca smiled and held the girl’s hand.
“I knew it was something like this. You’ll see, you are a girl and have been all the time!”
They sat, but Kayla was unable to concentrate enough to read, as she watched the second hand rotate excruciatingly slowly on the waiting room clock.
They were called back in after fifteen minutes.
“Please sit down. I’m sorry this has taken so long, but I managed to speak to Mr Sweeney. If you are able, he will squeeze you in on Monday morning next week. This is very fortunate, as he is off to the States on Tuesday, and he is away for about a month.
“He has asked that we take some blood, so that various tests can be conducted between now and next Monday. This will tell us a lot about what is going on inside, so hopefully he won’t need to slice you open to take a look.
I am writing a letter for you to take to your school. I actually believe that it would be harmful to Kayla’s mental health to keep chopping and changing gender. In the short time we have had today, I sincerely believe that she is happier as a girl, so I am recommending that you maintain this role until such time as the specialists have had opportunity to examine and deal with her condition. I believe that to perpetuate a male role at this juncture would bring on depression, and be wholly counter-productive.”
Kayla’s eyes widened in shock.
“You mean I have to go to school as a girl?”
“Not just school. I think you should live as a girl all the time. I suggest you have a meeting with the school Headmaster, and you should be able to reach some compromise over your schoolwork and exams. This is your ‘A’ level term, and so they should be able to make special arrangements for you.”
“Tell me about it,” Kayla muttered.
The doctor scribbled a letter on his headed paper.
“I know this is all happening rather fast. I ought to stress that these gender disorders can be quite difficult to sort out, but if no action is taken, serious repercussions could follow.”
“What kind of repercussions?” Rebecca asked.
“When one deals with hormones, things can get very complicated. Too much of one and not enough of another can cause lasting damage to organs such as the liver and kidneys. Over-development can cause difficulties, as much as under development.
“Mrs Manning, as I said, I am not a specialist in this field, but I have some experience. My feeling is that Kayla is one of those unfortunate individuals whose body contains elements of both genders, and although she displays the secondary characteristics of a male, like an iceberg, the majority of her true gender may well be hidden out of sight.
“Look at your daughter, can you honestly tell me that she is a seventeen year old boy?”
Kayla felt very self-conscious as her mother and the doctor stared at her.
“No, doctor, I can’t!”
Rebecca was stunned. Events were happening far faster than she anticipated, and she was feeling slightly overwhelmed. She realised that if she felt like this, Kayla must feel it a hundred fold.
She took the letter, thanked the doctor and they left after the nurse took some blood from her.
Kayla sat in the car, silent, with her mind in turmoil.
“Are you okay?” her mother asked.
“I don’t know. This is all happening so fast. I never imagined the doctor would say that I have to live as a girl!”
“Isn’t it what you wanted?”
“Yes, but,…, I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t to be told that I might be partly a girl, and mustn’t live as a boy because I might get depression.”
“Well, you heard the doctor, somehow we’ve to make sure that you live full time as a girl, and this is going to be very awkward.”
“I could stay with Gran. Just until everyone in the family knows,” Kayla suggested. Rebecca’s mother was very fond of Kyle, and lived four hundred yards away. She refused to move in with the family, as she wanted to remain independent and give her daughter space.