“I suppose you are right. It’s hard, though.”
“I know that, sweetie, but you have to be quite strong if you want to carry this off.” Rebecca said.
Kayla saw Sally approach the back door. She got up from the kitchen table and went to let her in.
“Hi, I thought you might be here, I tried ringing you on your mobile and your Gran’s place, but got no reply,” Sally said.
“I’m switched off, as Mum and Gran are having a council of war,” she replied.
Sally came in and there was an awkward silence.
“I thought I’d come and apologise for my mouth. Pete really fancies you. He says that there’s something different and special about you, so it was the first thing that came into my head. I thought he might ease off a little. Now I think he fancies you all the more!” Sally said.
Ingrid snorted and laughed shortly.
“Shit, I didn’t do anything to attract him!” Kayla said.
“You didn’t have to do anything, just look stunning and smile sweetly. You really don’t have any idea how good you look, have you?” Sally asked.
Kayla looked surprised and a little shocked.
“Okay, now, you have to play it cool with the boys. You mustn’t smile too much, and don’t lead them on,” Rebecca said.
“Mum, I don’t lead them on. I’m just polite and nice to them.”
“Try being a little nasty, that might work,” said Ingrid, half in jest.
“Well, if it’s any consolation, you are so different to Kyle; no one has the slightest suspicion. Rachel was saying how much nicer you are compared to your ‘cousin’.”
“Really? How weird!”
“Not that weird. You are different, in so many ways.” Sally said.
“She’s right, dear, you are, you know,” said her mother.
“I’m the same old me. I just feel more like how I want to be. I have the same feelings and everything,” Kayla said.
“No, you are not the same old you. Ever since the doctor said you might be a girl, you have changed. It’s as if a dark cloud has been blown away. Your whole personality has changed,” Rebecca said.
“In what way?”
“You seem happier and smile more. You are less intense and much more relaxed. I watched you closely for the last few months; it was breaking my heart to see you so sad. Now I can hardly believe you are the same person,” Rebecca said.
Kayla looked at Sally and then her grandmother, and they both smiled and nodded in confirmation. She sat down again, and sighed.
“This is so hard!” she said.
“How’s your Swedish coming along?” Sally asked to change the subject.
“Okay, I guess. I seem to be able to pick it up quite quickly. I never realised how much I understood just from hearing it going on around me every year on holiday.”
“Kayla is doing very well. Her accent is fine, but she needs to brush up her grammar and vocabulary. She still sounds like a foreigner,” Ingrid said.
“She sounds brilliant to me,” Sally said, slightly confused; wasn’t that the idea?
“She needs to be able to speak as well as a native, not just sound like one; and that’s a long way off yet,” her grandmother said.
Sally stayed for a while, and then Jake returned. They chatted about Kayla’s day, and then Ingrid and Kayla returned to have supper together, and continue with Kayla’s Swedish practice.
As she lay in bed that night, she felt between her legs, and wondered what the heck was going on with her body.
The week passed. Kayla tried being cool and distant, but failed miserably. It wasn’t in her nature, and as a result she found herself surrounded by people who had never thought of being friends with Kyle. Ricky was somewhat distant, as Pete was never very far away from her. Pleading family commitments, she managed to keep the evenings free, and she worked hard with her language skills.
As the weekend approached, she was aware that Monday’s appointment with the Specialist was looming, and she felt quite nervous about it. In a way, she was excited, as it could mean another step towards her ultimate goal. However, she was terrified that he would recommend that she return to being a boy and that was just an awful thought.
As she was leaving school with Sally on the Friday afternoon, Pete came running over to them.
“I’m glad I caught you. Do you fancy going to the cinema again this weekend?” he asked.
“Both of us?” Sally asked.
“Of course,” he said, looking only at Kayla.
“I don’t know. My grandmother is taking me shopping, I think,” Kayla replied.
“Well, give me a ring, here’s my mobile number,” he said and handed her a piece of paper with a number scribbled on it.
He smiled and walked off.
“Do you want to?” Sally asked.
Kayla shrugged.
“Yes and no. It’s funny, but you once asked me whether I fancied boys. I think I am beginning to,” she admitted.
“Oh, dangerous ground, girl!”
“I know Sally, and I am so sorry I can’t be the person you wanted me to be. I feel I’ve let you down.”
“I’ll live,” Sally said, but Kayla noticed the trace of bitterness in her voice.
“We could be lesbians, if you want?” she suggested, and was playfully punched on the arm.
“I’m not that way inclined, thanks,” Sally said.
“I don’t think I am either,” Kayla said, staring at Pete in the distance.
In the end, Kayla didn’t go to the cinema. Ingrid kept her very busy, and so she never got the opportunity.
Monday morning arrived, and Rebecca and Ingrid accompanied Kayla to a private clinic in Oxford to see Mr Sweeney. The clinic was not far from the Radcliffe Infirmary, but was so plush as to be more like a five star hotel than a medical facility.
The waiting room had sumptuous furnishings, and magazines like Country Life and Harpers & Queen in red leather covers. Even more surprisingly, they were called in a minute before their appointment was due, and were shown into the surgeon’s equally luxurious consulting room.
Mr Sweeney looked like an affluent surgeon, with his expensive pinstripe suit and his bow tie. In his late fifties, with slightly too long grey hair curling over his ears and collar, he was jovial and very friendly. He spoke with a very upper class accent, and gave the impression of being highly professional and proficient.
He looked at the three women who faced him.
“Okay, you have me stumped, but by a process of elimination I guess the younger lady is my potential patient!”
Kayla smiled and nodded.
“Right, then I take it we have Kayla’s mum and grandmum to see fair play?”
“Yes, that’s right,” said Rebecca.
“Fine. I think it best if Kayla and I have some time alone, and then we will get together later. So, if you don’t mind waiting, I shall make a start,” he said, and reluctantly, Rebecca and Ingrid left.
“Okay, behind the screen, get completely undressed and slip the robe on. Dr Hillier sent me his notes, and I have the results of your blood tests. So as you undress, I will ask you a few questions, just to clarify some issues, okay?”
Kayla nodded, and did as she was instructed. She had not stuck on the breast forms, leaving them loose in her bra. She felt very naked indeed, when she came back out, with the robe tightly wrapped around her.
The questions were similar to those Dr Hillier had asked, only went into more specifics. In particular;, those sensitive questions relating to sexual feelings and physical activity in the genital department.
“Up on the couch, please,” he said, putting on blue rubber gloves, as Kayla nervously complied.
The previous examination, although quite thorough, was nothing compared to what she experienced this time. The questions were continuous, interspersed with him asking whether what he was doing hurt her.
After what seemed to be an eternity, he asked her to get dressed.