As they walked through the rain, she began to feel real pangs of guilt for the first time. She hated deceiving him, knowing that there wasn’t a real alternative. Had she even attempted to stay as Kyle, or undergone an open transition, she realised; her life could well have been made horrendous. She had spent a long time reading personal accounts where transgendered individuals wrote of being hounded out of previously happy environments, simply because they had the gall to be a little different; cursed with a condition they neither wished for, nor asked for.
She did not understand why people like her were targets for hatred, abuse and violence. It wasn’t as if they threatened society, or even an individual. She knew that there could be hurt and disappointment amongst loved ones, and she felt so grateful for her understanding family.
She knew, deep down, that she had made a hard decision, and by choosing this deception, she knew that it would be very difficult to maintain. She could not see beyond the end of the school term. In a way, she wished that she could tell Pete, but knew that at this moment, it would be very unwise.
“You’re very quiet, are you okay?” Pete asked.
“Ja, thank you. I am just a little sad, I think.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know what is ahead.”
Pete frowned, glancing at her. She looked very pensive and slightly melancholy. She was so pretty, he squeezed her hand, just to give her some reassurance. He smiled as she returned the squeeze, giving him a small smile.
“What do you mean?” he asked, still uncertain what she was talking about.
“Life, it plays tricks on us. Things happen and we seem to be expected to deal with them. But more things happen, I don’t like looking too far ahead,” she said.
“That’s a bit deep. How far ahead are you looking?”
She stopped, watching the dog running along by the river. Some Mallards swam towards them, possibly hoping that they were about to throw some bread at them.
“I’m not sure getting serious is a good idea,” she said, at last.
Pete’s heart sank.
“Why not?”
“I’m not going to be here very long. You should, I think have a girlfriend of England.”
“That’s an English girlfriend,” he said, correcting her. “Look, Kayla, I don’t actually want an English girlfriend. I have met a wonderful Swedish girl, who has captured my heart. If it’s only for a few weeks, then I’ll settle for that!”
Kayla was trying hard to try to take a few steps away, making life easier later, but it wasn’t working. What he said made tears come to her eyes, so she put her head down, starting to walk on. He stopped her, pulling her gently back to face him.
Placing a finger under her chin, he gently raised her face so he could look into those big amazing blue eyes. He saw her tears. He caught one of her tears as it rolled down her cheek onto his finger. He took it to his lips, tasting the salt.
“Why do you cry?”
“Because I don’t want you to get hurt,” she said, her voice very quiet.
“Me? You don’t want me to get hurt! How will I get hurt?”
“By me. When I have to go away.”
“Not yet, surely?”
She smiled.
“Nej, not yet.” (Nej = no, pronounced Ney)
“Look, I have no expectations or demands of you. I have never met anyone like you, and I don’t want you to get hurt. So if you think we shouldn’t go out together, then I’m okay with that,” he lied.
She looked up at him, smiling a little.
“No you aren’t. I’m not foolish. But you know so little of me,” she said.
“That’s little about me. I know, that’s the point, I want to know all about you - if you’ll let me.”
She looked sad again. Pete wondered why she was so sad.
“Kayla. How about a day at a time, please?”
She looked into his grey eyes. They were so serious, so earnest.
“Okay,” she said, as he bent towards her, kissing her on the lips.
It wasn’t a deep kiss, just a gentle brush, as if to seal the start of something. She felt her heart melt a little more, desperate to hold onto him, and yet terrified of what would happen if she did. She knew that after July, life would become too complicated.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, as he drew her closer, feeling her body tight against him. He felt the familiar stirrings of arousal, so tried to ignore them. However, the scent of flowers in her hair, and the soft touch of her cheek against him accentuated the sensuality of her presence. She felt his hardness press against her.
She broke away, slowly and gently, still holding his hand.
“You like me, I think,” she said with a smile.
Pete blushed, realising she referred to his reaction to her.
“No, Kayla, I think I love you.”
He saw the tears well up in her eyes again, as she turned and they resumed walking.
Pete didn’t understand girls!
9.
Ricky was confused. He wanted to contact Kyle in Sweden, just to see how he was getting on. He called on his parents, asking for Kyle’s address and phone number. Kyle’s mother had behaved rather strangely, seeming to be very reluctant to give him the details. In the end, she had given him the address, but not the phone number.
He’d then approached Kayla in school, with a view of getting her parents’ number in Sweden.
“I’m sorry, you did not know, but my parents died six years ago in a car wreck. I live with my grandparents, so Kyle is with them or my cousins.”
“Okay, can I have their number? I want to see how he’s getting on.”
Kayla started to panic. She knew that Ricky had been to her house to speak to her mother, but wasn’t expecting him to be so determined to contact his friend. It then dawned on her that Ricky didn’t have any other friends, he was missing Kyle dreadfully.
“I’m not sure where he is. I will be speaking with them tonight. I will find out where he is and tell you, okay?”
Ricky frowned, but accepted what she said.
“Um, do you fancy going out one evening?” he asked, chancing his arm. He liked the girl, although it was now common knowledge that she was dating Pete Groves. She reminded him of Kyle. They were so alike as to be brother and sister.
“Maybe, but not this week, I’m very busy,” she said.
At that moment, Ricky saw Pete approaching, so he made his excuses and left.
“What did that little sod want?” Pete asked Kayla.
“He wants to contact my cousin, Kyle, in Sweden.”
“Why?” he asked, frowning.
“He is his friend.”
“I don’t like him; he’s a sneaky little runt!”
“Who, Kyle or Ricky?”
“Ricky, I don’t know your cousin.”
“But he come to this school?”
“That’s comes to this school, yeah, I know. I guess I’ve seen him about, but I don’t think I’d know him if I saw him.”
“I have to go. I’ve an art lesson,” she said.
“You want to go out tonight?”
“No, I have work to do, and I call Sweden tonight.”
“Okay. Take care.”
“You too,” she said, kissing his cheek before heading off to art.
Ricky watched her go from his vantage point up in the third floor stairwell.
He frowned. There was something not right about her. He didn’t know what it was, but he felt uneasy about her. As he made his way to his class, it dawned on him what was wrong – her accent, she lost it almost completely just after he asked her for the phone number!
He then had a crazy thought. He had it before, yet dismissed it for being off the wall. Kayla was Kyle. It was the only answer! The whole switch was a conspiracy. It made perfect sense, for Kyle was never a macho type, and could be a transsexual. Ricky had read about sex-changes, recognising there was a process of transition that they had to go through.