Pulling the covers back slowly, I sat up in bed, still continuing to check to make sure Reed wasn’t disturbed. When I got into the bathroom, I gently closed the door, threw my head in my hands, and squeezed my eyes tight. What had I done? The guilt rushed over me more and more with each passing second.
I wasn't confident I could face him when he woke up. Last night was going to change things between us. Sex always did. Will he think what happened between us was a mistake? Do I think it was a mistake? Will he act differently toward me now? What about Lexi? How will she feel about me sleeping with her brother? I doubt she had this in mind when she asked me to check on him.
Shaking my head, I emptied it of those thoughts. I couldn't deal with this right now. I had to get ready. I couldn't face him. I couldn't be here when he woke up. I had to go to work.
As quietly as possibly, I made my way around his room and gathered my clothes. When I was dressed, I debated on whether or not to leave a note. After deciding against it, not sure of what to say, I slipped into the elevator and caught a cab home.
The entire drive home, I knew what I’d done was wrong. I should've stayed until he woke up. I should've faced him. I, at least, should've left him a note.
9
I HADN'T heard from Reed since I'd left his place this morning. I didn’t know what was going through my head when I left without saying good-bye to him. Oh wait, yes I do. What happened last night was a mistake… Or at least that was what I kept telling myself all day. It was a mistake and it would never happen again.
I wasn’t sure how many times I said those words to myself throughout the day, starting when I walked out of his place this morning. It made it easier to walk out and it made it easier to deal with the guilt I was feeling now. Somewhere, deep inside me, even though I didn't want to admit it, I actually didn't regret what happened between us. I wanted to be with him again, and I think above all else, that scared me most of all.
There was hope that Reed would be the stronger one. I hoped he would regret what happened between us and keep his distance from me to ensure it wouldn't happen again. Despite that hope, I couldn't help picturing his confused face when he woke up this morning and saw my side of the bed empty. Thinking of him in pain or sad caused my stomach to turn. Then I thought about the other possibility—the possibility that he was angry with me. The two of us had spent a great night together and then after what happened between us, I left without saying good-bye. If I were being honest, I'd be mad at me, too.
Since I had gotten to work, I’d kept my head down and had only taken a short lunch break to call Lexi. I wanted to tell her about stepping away from the Black and White event. The sooner, the better.
It wasn't easy to say, but I explained to her that I would still be involved, just that Christine would be in charge of most of the planning and she or Sharon would be the ones to talk to the press if they had any questions about the event.
Before I called her, I had the conversation all laid out in my head, but when I got her on the phone, I rambled on and on. She stopped me halfway through.
"Emily, you can stop now. I totally understand. It's a lot to take on and I get it. I gave you more than you can handle."
That made me feel terrible and pathetic. "I'll still be involved." I reminded her. "I will still be here to make sure everything goes well."
"It's going to be great. I know it."
Her words replayed over in my head, and with each passing second, I felt worse. I felt like I’d let her down.
Sharon and Isabel left work eventually, leaving Christine and me alone at the office. With the Black and White event fast approaching, we'd both be working long hours to make sure it was done right. Normally, this situation would have made me a little uneasy, but ever since last week, things had been better between us. She was actually being nice to me.
A couple more hours went by, and as hard as I tried to concentrate on my work, Reed continued to occupy my mind. Memories from last night played over in my head and a sick feeling remained in my gut. I knew I would have to see him again one day, probably sooner than later, and I dreaded that moment.
"I think I'm going to head out and start back up in the morning," Christine said through a yawn as she bent over and picked up her purse. "I've got the caterer booked, but we need to go over the menus they sent us and get one prepared. Oh, and we need to try and make the decision on the band tomorrow. I'm still surprised there were so many bands available last minute. I really like the jazz band. I think it will be classy. What do you think?" She finished her rambling and looked up at me.
I smiled at her. "I think Lexi would like that." It was all coming together pretty nicely. I was grateful that Christine had everything under control. It made me feel a lot better about my decision. The most important thing was to make this event perfect for Lexi and Reed.
She returned my smile and stood up. I was so used to her glare that her smile still threw me off.
"I hope she likes it." She sighed and then narrowed her eyes on me, not in a negative way like she had in the past; it was more of a concerned or curious look. "Hey, is everything okay with you? You seem a little distracted today."
Either I really was acting strange or she was very observant. "I'm fine," I lied. There was no way I was going to let her know what was really bothering me. "I just really want this event to be great. I think it's just my nerves."
"Do you really doubt me that much?" She laughed. "This event is going to be awesome. How about we call it quits for the night and let's go grab a drink? It looks like you could use one. I know I could."
"Um…" I hesitated. Getting a drink did sound pretty good, but I was exhausted since I didn't get much sleep last night. I felt my face flush and body tingle just thinking about it. "Thanks, but I think I'm going to finish up a few more things here, then head home."
"Well, I'm going to take off, then. Maybe catch up on my shows that have been recorded for weeks now. You gonna be okay here by yourself?" she asked. I still wasn't used to her niceness and concern for my wellbeing.
I nodded. "I'll be fine, thanks."
She smiled and slung her purse over her shoulder. "Okay, see you tomorrow."
As she walked down the hall, I heard her keys jingle, the front door close, and then the pop of the lock. Not even a full minute passed before I heard the front door open again and then footsteps making their way back to the office.
"What'd you forget?" I asked, not even bothering to turn around.
There was no answer, just silence. Then…
"Do you want to tell me why you gave up doing the Black and White event?" His deep voice broke the quiet, and my heart stilled.
A shiver rippled through me as I turned around. I found Reed standing at my office door, staring at me.
"How did you get in?" My voiced shook and my hands trembled as I stared up at him.
He softly jerked his head toward the door. "Christine let me in. I've been waiting for you to get off work so we could talk, but you never came out."
Swallowing down my guilt, shame, and nervousness, I sat back farther in my seat and let out a long breath. It was still too difficult to look him in the eyes, so I stared at my hands in my lap. I didn’t know how much time passed, but it was torturous, every single second I sat and he stood there in silence. I wasn’t sure if he was waiting for me to say something or not. After searching my mind for something to say, I kept coming up blank.
Finally, I got up the courage and glanced up at him through my eyelashes, finding him staring at me still. More embarrassment and remorse flooded me, and the look on his face nearly broke me. It was clear he wanted answers, but he wasn't sure how to ask the questions, or even what questions to ask. And truthfully, even if he did, I didn’t know what I would say to him. It wasn’t that I regretted what happened between us. I just knew it couldn't happen again.