She nodded.
As she began her story, I clasped my hands tightly in my lap.
"Two years ago, my family and I went out to dinner. It was just my parents, Reed, and me. We were out celebrating my first day of my senior year at Columbia. After dinner, Reed went his own way while my parents and I went back home. I was planning on staying with them that night and then driving back to my dorm in the morning." She blinked a few times, almost as if she were trying to rid herself of the images that were starting to play in her head.
"Nothing was out of the ordinary. We pulled into the garage. We were all laughing—it had been a great night. If I could've chosen a last night with my parents, that night would've been it." She smiled for a small moment before continuing, "I remember hearing a strange noise coming from inside the house, but I didn't think much of it. My dad was the first one inside, my mom followed after him, and then me." She closed her eyes tight and swallowed hard.
"Everything after that… I only remember certain things. I remember hearing glass breaking. I remember seeing three men, all dressed in black. I remember gunshots, one after the other, loud popping noises that wouldn't stop, no matter how much I wanted them to. I remember my mother's screams, my screams. And I remember more gunshots. They seemed never ending." She opened her eyes and stared down at the floor, squeezing the pillow even harder against her chest, like her life depended on it.
"The craziest thing is I don't remember the pain, but I knew I’d been shot. I knew because I could see the blood on my clothes. I never saw my father, but my mother was beside me, facing me. Her eyes were frozen open, staring at me. I still can't get that image of her out of my head. I hate them for doing that to her, for ruining the last image of my mother."
My heart was pounding. I took in a large breath, not realizing I’d been holding it the last minute or so. I could see that Lexi was trembling. Moving to the couch to sit beside her, I put my arm around her until she stopped shaking. Even though, deep down, I wanted her to stop telling me, not knowing if I could hear anymore, I just couldn't. For some reason, she trusted me enough to tell me all of this, so I would do my best to sit here, comfort her, and listen.
"The smell of gasoline was so strong." She continued. "All I remember thinking was how bad I wanted to get up, get my parents, and get out of the house. I wanted to scream at my parents and tell them that we needed to run or we were going to die. I wanted to yell that these horrible men were going to kill us if we didn't do something. But I never said a word because I knew the men were still in the house. I could still hear their footsteps walking around us and then I could feel the liquid being poured on me. The smell of gasoline became overwhelming and I'm not sure how I kept myself from vomiting from the stench. I think I knew that my parents were dead and that if the men realized I was still alive, then they would make sure to kill me, too. Then I heard the sirens. I thought we were all going to be okay. I thought that me and my parents may actually get out of this alive." Her eyes closed again and her right hand held the right side of her face, the one that was covered in scars.
"Before I even smelled the smoke, I felt the burning on my skin and in my throat. I could see the flames all around me. That glimmer of hope I had only a few seconds before was gone. There wasn't a doubt in mind that I was about to die. But even in that darkest moment, I was still so thankful. I was thankful that Reed hadn't come home with us. I had actually begged him to come back with us and was actually mad when he said he couldn't because he had too much work to do at the office. God, I'm so thankful he didn't come with us," she choked out and then took in a gasping breath. "He's all I have left. If he had been there…" Her voice trailed off.
I sat there, completely broken, completely stunned, completely drained of any and all emotion. What she had just told me… I couldn't find the words. It was like I had lost my voice, lost all feeling in every part of my body, except my heart. My chest ached so bad that I could barely sit there for another second. I think I would've gotten up and ran out of the room if Lexi hadn't started talking again.
"I took my mom’s maiden name after it all happened. I just wanted to disappear and try to forget, but I couldn't. After taking off a semester of school so the wounds from the fire could heal, I tried to go back, but I only lasted five minutes on campus. The scars on the inside were still there, and the stares and whispers from other people were just too much. I don’t even know why I came back to New York, but I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. This is where I grew up. This is all I know.
“Reed asked me to come to London with him, but I knew he didn't want me to. I knew it was hard for him to see me. He felt guilty for not being there… for not saving me or our parents. It was hard for me to go on living until I knew the monsters who did this to me and who killed my parents were locked up, and even then, I struggled. I wasn’t sure how to go back to normal. Then I realized that life would never be normal again. I just had to find a new normal."
Feelings rushed through me like a raging river. I don't think I've ever felt so much anger, sadness, and complete and utter shock all at once.
"Lexi…" My voice was low, cautious. "That is—I'm—I'm so sorry that happened to you and your family." I wasn't sure what else to say to her.
She sniffed, blinked hard, and then looked at me. "I'm doing better now. I just wanted you to know. This charity event is something my mother and I worked on together every year. My mother was an orphan and this charity was a way for her to raise money and give back to make sure no kid went without." She swallowed hard. "I'm not ready to help in the planning part of it, but it's important that it continues." She exhaled and then took in a long, deep, steady breath. "Wow, that felt really good." Her lips stretched out into a thin line, almost as if she were trying to smile, yet couldn't.
The pain in my chest grew. "I know that must have been hard to talk about," I said finally.
"It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be, and talking about it feels even better than I thought it would." She smiled softly.
The front door of her condo opened then. Reed and Brandon were laughing as they walked in. Any sadness that was left on Lexi's face was erased when she saw Brandon. I now understood why it was so difficult for her to trust again, to love again, to feel like she deserved to be loved.
She stood up and I quickly stood beside her. It wasn't easy for me to snap out of the sad fog I was in. What she had told me shook me to the core. As Lexi made her way across the room to Brandon, Reed’s eyes scanned my face; it was as if he knew something was wrong. As if he knew that she had told me everything.
"Are you guys up for a movie?" Lexi asked. "I've got popcorn."
"Um, I should be getting home," I said. "I have work tomorrow, but you guys have fun. I'll just catch a cab." I tried my best to attempt a smile.
"Actually, I should be going, too." Reed echoed my thoughts. My eyes cut to his.
Reed and Brandon shook hands while I walked over to Lexi and wrapped my arms around her for a hug. I squeezed harder than I probably should have; I just wanted to hold her and never let go. She hugged me back, and it took everything inside me to hold in a sob. I would have to save that for later when I was alone. The second I let her go, Reed moved in and wrapped his arms around her.
"I would like it if you kept Peters and Warren close the next few days. With the news of the charity event coming out tomorrow, I'm not certain how crazy things are going to get," Reed said in a low voice.
I assumed those were the names of The Hulk and Hercules—the two men who drove Lexi to and from our self-defense class.