«Do I send him away?» Graham asked, as if that was what he wanted to do.
I thought about it. It would be so easy to just refuse to see him. Then I could be ruthless and hard-hearted, and not have to look the man in the face who I was condemning to death. I might be able to keep Auggie's lions from slaughtering all the pride, but one death would be an absolute must—Joseph's.
«Send him in,» I said.
«You think that's a good idea?» Wicked asked. He managed to keep his voice neutral.
«It'd be easier not to see him,» I said.
«Then why see him?» Wicked said.
«Because it would be easier.»
«That makes no sense.»
«It makes sense to me,» Truth said.
I looked up at the other vampire. We exchanged a long look. He understood why I had to turn Joseph away in person: because if I couldn't look him in the eye and tell him the truth, then maybe it was the wrong thing to do. I had to see him, to know whether I could stand by and let nature take its course with the lions in our city. The lions weren't my problem, damn it. They had betrayed us. They would have let us all die. Their moral superiority had been worth more to them than the lives of our vampires. I wouldn't cause them harm, but I was done stepping in and saving them. Or that's what I told myself when I told Graham to open the door.
chapter thirty-seven
I WATCHED JOSEPH walk toward the bed. He was tall with dark blond hair cut short. He was dressed for a business meeting in a suit complete with tie. I was betting his wife, Julia, had picked the outfit. He started undoing the tie before he got to Wicked and Truth. They stopped him a little short of the bed. Normally, I might have thought they were being overly cautious, but my body agreed with them. I was healing, but only through a miracle of metaphysics; eventually you run out of miracles.
«Anita, how are you doing?» He tried for a neutral tone but it came out nervous.
«Ted Forrester has gone to find a doc. I may get out of bed today.»
«That's great,» and the relief chased over his face. His hands flexed and unflexed. «Julia said you'd be all right. She said that you'd find someone else to feed on. She said you would all be all right, and you are.» He was talking a little too fast, as if even he didn't believe it.
«Who are you trying to convince, Joseph, me or you?» My voice was flat and my eyes empty. I'd had dinner with him at my house. I'd thought he was a good man. But in the end, he'd let us die.
«Anita.» He tried to step closer to the bed, but the vampires stopped him.
«You're close enough,» Wicked said.
«I would never harm her.»
I raised the hospital gown, showed him the healing wounds that crossed my stomach and ribs. «The only thing that made me powerful enough to heal this was Donovan Reece's letting me feed on every swanmane in this country. He gave me the power to live through this.»
Joseph's face had paled. «I'm married, Anita. Julia and I take our vows very seriously.»
«If you were human that would be fine, Joseph, but you aren't human. You're a werelion. A werelion who owed allegiance to his allies. We needed you, and you failed us.»
He went to his knees. «Do you want me to beg? I'll beg.»
I shook my head. «My lioness has never wanted you, Joseph. Had you ever wondered why? Why wouldn't she want the strongest lion she could find? That's what she's programmed to do.» I felt the lioness stir down that long dark tunnel in my head, or in my gut. I thought calm thoughts at her, and she stilled. I was almost surprised that it worked. I said a little prayer of thanks, and went back to paying attention to the lion in front of me.
«I thought you left me alone out of respect for my wife.»
I looked at him. There was nothing wrong with him. He was good looking enough, if a little too masculine for my preferences, but he had never moved me. My lioness had never even tried for him.
«My lioness reacted to your lion the way she does to all the lions, but she was never drawn to you, the way she was drawn to some of the Chicago lions.»
«You react to the Chicago lions because you slept with them. And their master vampire.»
«Is that what everyone's saying?» I asked.
He looked puzzled. «It's the truth.»
«No, it's half the truth. Augustine, yes, but I was very careful with his lions. I was careful because I didn't want to fuck up your lions. I left his lions very alone, because I was worried about you and yours.»
«I knew you sent them back to Chicago, but I thought… I am grateful that you turned them down for us.»
In my head, I could admit that it hadn't been entirely for Joseph and his people. The lion that most attracted my lioness had sooo been bad news.
«I did it because you were my ally, and I thought it was somehow my fault that the other werelions were going to come and take over your pride. I've learned since then that Augustine has had your pride on his to-do list for a while now. Because you and your lions are too weak to defend yourselves, and all the other lions know it.»
«I kept my people safe,» he said.
«No, I kept them safe. Jean-Claude kept them safe. Richard kept them safe. The wererats have died keeping your city safe. The leopards nearly lost their queen. The swans risked everything. Where were the lions while the rest of us bled and died?»
«If you had asked we would have fought for you.»
«Why would we want the lions to fight for us, Joseph? You're too weak. You don't train in combat, or weapons. You are werelions, so fucking what? We're all wereanimals, but we offer more than just teeth and claws. What do the lions offer us, Joseph?» The anger stirred that place inside me, and I had to close my eyes and count, slowly, breathe, slowly. The stirring eased again. Two times in a row the beasts had quieted because I'd asked, or concentrated on being calm. Maybe I was finally getting the hang of this.
«We are lions,» he said, but his voice was soft.
«You are weak,» and my voice was soft, too. Soft because I couldn't afford the anger.
Joseph reached his hands out toward me, between Truth and Wicked's legs. «Do not let them kill us.»
«Am I your Rex? Am I your Regina?»
«No,» he said, and his hands began to lower.
«Then why do you turn to me for help?»
«Because I have nowhere else to turn.»
«Whose fault is that, Joseph? Whose fault is it that after this many years your pride is so weak that you have to turn to humans and vampires, and other animal groups for safety?»
His hands were on his thighs now. «Mine,» he said.
«No, not just yours. I'm betting your wife had something to do with it. Every time someone remotely stronger than you and your brother came along, she said no, didn't she? She said that you didn't need them, didn't she?»
«Yes,» he said.
«If you'd let some strength into your pride, you would have learned how to be a better king.»
«Or they would have killed me and taken the pride, taken…»
«Your wife,» I said.
He nodded.
«I heard that some of the lion takeovers work like that. I can see where she wouldn't want to take the chance.»
«Then you understand.»
I shook my head. «I can't afford to understand, Joseph. I can't afford to let you hide behind my skirts anymore. Micah kicked you out of our alliance.» I looked across the room to Graham by the door. «Graham, did the other animal groups vote with the leopards?»
«They said pretty much what you've said, that they have all lost people or had injuries and the lions just take resources and don't give anything back.»
«I gave Anita the choice of all our unattached young men. I paraded them out for her like some kind of slave auction.»
I'd been fighting off feeling bad about this decision, until that moment. «Slave auction, is that how you saw it?»
«You're picking men who will have to have sex with you. If you have no choice, then you're just a slave.»
«I haven't fucked any of your young lions.»
He looked at me like he didn't believe that at all.
«Didn't you ask them what they did for me?»
«We felt bad enough giving them to you. We didn't need to hear any details.»