“Disgusting,” Ineb Cough murmured, “but lovely.”
“Shall we proceed?” Bauchelain asked Necrotus, who twitched in answer, then nodded.
Storkul Purge staggered off, presumably towards her old brothel.
King Necrotus made a brief, spasmodic effort to comb down his overlong, snarled and bird-dropping-gummed hair, then set out in a lilting half-step, feet kicking out. “Oh, I’m going to dance! All the way to the palace! Oh! How mortifying!”
The necromancer glanced over at Ineb Cough, brows lifting.
The demon nodded. “Absolutely. I’m with you two. Wouldn’t miss it, no sir, not a chance.”
“Actually,” Bauchelain said, “I would you do something else for me.”
“Is it sordid?”
“Why, yes, I suppose it is.”
“All right, I’ll do it.”
Imid Factallo, the baby and Elas Sil came to within sight of the Grand Temple of the Lady’s sprawling front entrance, and all three stared owlishly at the scores of bodies lying on the broad steps leading up to the dais and its altar.
“There’s been a slaughter,” Imid said in a quavering voice.
Elas grunted, then shook her head. “Not necessarily. See any blood? I don’t see any blood.”
“Well, it is rather dark-”
“No, even beneath those torch-stands.”
“No one’s moving.”
“I’ll grant you that-it’s damned odd, is what it is. Come on, Imid, let’s get closer.”
The two set out across the concourse. A tenement building two streets behind the temple was burning, showering sparks into the sky, making the Temple of the Lady a backlit silhouette that seemed sealed tight as a tomb, since no light was visible.
Snorting, Elas Sil said, “Typical. Drawn up as if under siege, which, I suppose, they are. Guess we won’t be hearing any eerie proclamations from the altar any time in the near future, eh? The goddess is likely cowering in some hole.”
“Shhh! By the Abyss, Elas, are you mad?”
“Mad? Yes, I am. Exceedingly mad.”
They approached the steps and the scatter of bodies, bodies that then began to stir at the sound of their voices. Heads lifting, bleary eyes fixing upon them. Imid and Elas halted, fell silent.
“She won’t save us!” one woman gasped. “Unhealthy people… everywhere! Drink… and smoke-everywhere! Ah, I feel sick. Just seeing them! Sick, nauseated, ill, unwell!”
“Sick, nauseated, ill, unwell!” a few others chanted.
Then they were all moaning the refrain. “Sick, nauseated, ill, unwell!”
“Lady below,” Imid whispered, “Do-gooders! And look, they’re withering before our eyes!”
“Remember our schooling as saints,” Elas said. “Licentiousness, when all about, is a plague. A deathly, devouring host of demons, corrupting minds, bodies, souls. Licentiousness is the lurid escape from natural misery, when natural misery is the proper path to walk. Why? Because it is the only honest path.”
Imid stared at her. “You didn’t believe all that rubbish, did you?”
“Of course not, but these people do.”
“And their convictions are killing them?”
“Precisely.”
“But that’s insane!” Baby mewling in his arms, Imid Factallo stepped forward. “Hear me! I am a Saint! Listen to me, all of you!”
The moaners fell silent, hopeful eyes gleaming in the firelight.
“Can’t you see?” Imid demanded. “Sobriety means clear-eyed, and clear-eyed means you see the truth! You see just how unjust, cruel, indifferent and ugly your life really is! You see how other people are controlling you, every aspect of your miserable existence, and not just controlling you-they’re screwing you over!”
Gasps and a single muted shriek answered Imid’s careless curse.
“You can’t say that!” “Foul, foul!” “No no no, I don’t want to listen, no!”
The baby wailed.
“It’s all lip-service!” Imid shouted. “Nobody in charge really gives a flying-”
“Silence!”
This last command was stentorian, ringing clear and loud from the temple’s entrance. The do-gooders on the steps twisted round with cries of relief. Imid and Elas stared, as a grey-swathed nun marched up to stand to the right of the altar.
“It’s the Stentorian Nun!” someone shouted.
The baby wailed again.
Imid’s knees quivered as the grey woman stabbed an accusing finger at him. “You!” she hissed.
“Me!” Imid answered instinctively.
“Decrier of false truths!”
Elas Sil said, “What?”
“Blasphemer! Proclaimer of all that is Not to Be Known!”
“Well!” Imid shouted, suddenly, inexplicably emboldened, “Too late for that, isn’t it?”
More gasps. Worse, a crowd was gathering in the concourse behind them. Dead and living both.
“Oh,” Elas said behind Imid, “you’re in for it, now.”
The nun lifted her arms out to the sides. “Adjudication is demanded!” she cried out. “The Lady of Beneficence shall speak! From her most Holy Altar, she shall speak!”
A strange, grinding noise came from the blockish stone beside the woman, then, a quavering voice. “Do I smell baby?”
One slap against the massive, flabby cheek, then another, and another and another and “Stop! Please! Don’t hurt me!”
“Nauseo? You awake?”
Bleary, sated eyes blinked up, the woeful expression dwindling away, to be replaced by a scowl. “Ineb Cough. What are you trying to do, kill me?”
“I was trying to wake you!”
“Was I asleep? Not surprising, you know. I’m filled to bursting-what a night! So unexpected!”
Ineb Cough was standing on the Demon of Corpulence’s chest, or he thought he was-might have been just the left breast, since Nauseo Sloven had burgeoned to fill the entire alley, flesh piled up against either wall, more flesh sprawling and tumbled down to just short of the alley-mouth. “Even so,” Ineb said, loosing a beery belch, “I need you up and around. We’ve a journey to make.”
“A journey? Where?”
“Not far, I promise.”
“I can’t. It’ll be too hard. I’m ready to explode-gods, where did all that greed come from?”
Ineb squatted down and scratched his pocked jaw. “All pent up, I suppose. Hiding, lurking. As for the food, well, seen any dogs in the streets? Cats? Horses? Me neither. The night’s been a blood-bath, and it’s not even half done. Who could have imagined all this?”
“What’s happened, then?” Nauseo asked.
“Someone in the city’s gone and hired two necromancers, Nauseo, to bring down this reign of terror.” He pulled at his nose, which was itchy and runny with all the powder stuffed into it. “Seems they’ve made quite a start.”
“Necromancers?”
“Yes. One of them’s a conjurer and binder of demons, too, which makes me very nervous. Nervous, Nauseo, oh yes. Even so, he’s yet to try for me, which I take as a good sign, weak as I was back then.”
“No worries now, though, is there?” Nauseo shifted slightly and mounds of flesh rumbled and rolled beneath Ineb. “We’re too strong, now. There’s not a binder alive who could take us, emboldened as we now are.”
“I expect you’re right. So, it does seem as if these necromancers are staying true to their word. Pluck Macrotus from his throne, prop someone less horrible in his place, and Quaint returns to its normal, sane, decrepit state. Might even be Necrotus himself-the other one raised him, you know.”
“Oh, joy!”
“Anyway, we’ve got to go. Have you seen Sloth lately?”
“Why, she was here earlier-”
From somewhere below came a faint moan.
Those among the denizens still capable of motion had moved on by the time Emancipor Reese spied Bauchelain, his master slowly walking with hands clasped behind his back, pausing every now and then for a word or two with various crippled dead and undead citizens, as he made his casual way towards the palace steps where sat the manservant.
Bauchelain peered up at Emancipor. “Is King Macrotus within?”