We eat in silence as he sits in front of us, reading to himself. Nothing is heard except for the faint whisper of his recitation. He looks up every now and then, as if trying to ensure that we’re eating the food wholeheartedly.
I devour the lentils using the bread and my hands. It doesn’t take long for me to wolf it all down. I’m eating so fast that I start sweating a bit, but I can’t stop myself and am nearly tempted to lick the bowl clean.
“You’re not hungry?” Fatima asks, noticing that Jari doesn’t have a bowl for himself. “You can have some of mine.”
He looks away from his reading and at her. “I’m fine. I’m sorry that’s all I have for right now.”
“Thank you,” Salman says as he puts his bowl down. He glances down at it for a quick second. “What happened out there?”
Jari closes the holy book and sets it on his lap. “People thought the rebels would hit Ballermoun first, but they’ve invaded the city through Salaheddine. Where were you three headed?”
“To Salaheddine,” Salman answers. “Zaid’s uncle lives there.”
“I pray that he’s safe.”
A silence falls over us, but it’s short-lived before Salman breaks it. “Thank you for helping us.”
Jari faintly nods.
“Why did you do it?”
“Why would I not?” Something about him reminds me of my father. He looks and sounds nothing like him, but he emits the same presence. After a long moment, he continues. “Do you three go to school?”
We all nod. Is he trying to change the subject?
“You seem like bright children.” His looks over at Salman. “You look like an athletic boy. What sports do you enjoy?”
“Football and wrestling.”
“Is that what you want to do when you grow up?”
“I…” Salman hesitates. “I want to play on the national team.”
Jari smiles and nods before turning towards Fatima. “And what about you, young lady?”
“A nurse.”
“You must be a smart girl.”
“I’m at the top of my class.” Unlike she normally does, Fatima utters those words bleakly.
“Well done.” His gaze finally sets on me. He pauses as he stares into my eyes. “…and what about you?”
“I want to be a doctor—a surgeon.”
“Really? And where do you plan to study?”
“Here at the University of Aleppo.”
“A very wise choice, Zaid. I don’t doubt you will make it.” Jari takes a deep breath, his eyes not leaving me. An abrupt growl consumes the room. Is… is that Jari’s stomach? He must be starving. Did he really give us all the food he has? Jari goes on, acting like he didn’t hear it. “Hold fast to your dreams, young man. Hold on to the hope of a better tomorrow. Protect it with your life.”
There is another awkward silence, but I soon break it. “Were you a police officer?”
“Why do you say that?”
“The way you knew how to shoot.”
He lightly folds his arms. “I was in the army up until a few years ago.”
“The army? My brother is a captain.”
“What’s his name?”
“Nabeel Kadir.”
Jari nods. “A brave man no doubt. I’m sure you are no different, Zaid.”
“I—I’m not the brave one.” I’m almost afraid to say the next thing. “I’m scared.”
“All brave men are.”
“Are you?”
His eyes grow more focused. “I will never show it if I am. Not when there are people depending on me to be brave.”
I mill over his words as another stillness washes over us. This time, Salman is the one to end it. “Will the army come?”
“I’m sure security forces are already engaging the rebels. By tomorrow, the army will begin their offensive. But the fighting will likely…” Jari stops himself. “Get some sleep you three. Tomorrow will be a long day. If we can’t reach anyone by phone, we’ll have to make our way out of here at dusk.”
“Why?”
“The fighting in this neighborhood will likely become heavy.”
“Won’t the army protect us?”
Jari looks distant for a moment. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep watch over you three.” Rising to his feet, he picks off four small prayer rugs from the top of the shelf. “But before you sleep, it is time for the late night prayers. I think we should do them all together.”
I forgot all about that. This is usually the time Abbi and I would do our late night prayers whenever we did them together. But tonight, for the first time in my life, I don’t hear the call to prayer echo through the city.
Outside of the air conditioning’s low rattling, the room is silent. But my thoughts are far from peaceful. The quieter the room, the more chaotic my mind grows. With my eyes shut, I keep reliving all the chaos. I see the car exploding over and over again. It’s just as hot as it was then. The bullet barely misses me. I hear its rush before it plunges into the seat with a loud thump. A few more inches and I would have been the boy in the next room. The visions and the sounds won’t stop. They won’t leave me in peace, no matter how hard I try.
And I keep seeing Bilal.
He’s gone. He’s really gone. It feels so surreal, as if it’s a dream. How can he be dead when he was just speaking to me? Maybe, at any moment, he’ll come knocking on the door. Jari will open it, and we’ll see his smiling face.
But I know that’s nothing more than a false hope. Just like everyone else on that street—everyone else who was around me—he’s gone and he’s never coming back. The more I think about him, the more I see his face, the more I begin to accept the reality. This is no dream. The people out on that road are gone… forever.
Now I’m lying here on a cold floor in this strange place. And my thoughts keep revolving around my home and the people there: Abbi, Ummi, and Aisha. Bilal is gone. What about them? If Bilal could disappear in the blink of an eye, then couldn’t—
I shiver at the very thought.
They would know what to do, wouldn’t they? They would be able to keep themselves safe from everything. I know Abbi owns a few guns. He would protect Ummi and Aisha like Jari protected us.
But maybe—maybe they are looking for me. I truly hope not. If something happens to them because of me, if they get hurt or… I don’t know what I would do. I don’t know how I could live.
Just the thought of it nearly drives me mad.
“Are you having trouble sleeping?”
Lying atop the prayer rug, I slowly roll over to come face-to-face with Jari. A few feet from me, he’s sitting with his back against the wall. He’s writing something down on a piece of paper. Fatima and Salman are a little ways away from me. They seem to be heavy in slumber. Only one of the storage closet’s lights is still dimly illuminated.
I look back at Jari. I’ve only known him for a couple of hours, but his presence gives off a sense of protection. It’s as if I’m safe as long as he’s around me. “Aren’t you going to sleep?” I ask.
Jari shakes his head. “Not tonight.”
“Every time I close my eyes, I keep seeing it.” My voice starts shaking. “I keep see—seeing… all the…”
“It’s okay.” His tone is reassuring. “It’ll all be fine.”
“How long do you think this will last?”
“The fighting?”
I nod.
“Longer than any fight should. But Allah knows best.” He pauses. “Do you live with your parents?”
“My father owns a rug store.”
“Does he now? Maybe I can pay it a visit when all this is over.”
I slightly smile.