The Heart of the mirage

T believe so.'

I felt his nausea, but he didn't say anything," and he still had his back to me.

I went on, 'I've had my eyes opened, finally. I can see their evil now. More than that, I can see the truth about Tyrans now that I've been able to compare it to something else. There are many wonderful things about Tyranian culture and civilisation, but they don't make up for the Exaltarchy's lack of humanity. Garis, there's no way I would ever serve Tyrans again. If I had the chance, I would see Rathrox and the Exaltarch dead by my hand.' It was only once I'd said the words that the truth of them gripped me, tearing my breath away until I had to drag in air. They were true. I wanted to kill the two men who had – with Gayed – made a mockery of my life, who had tried to pattern me to their damnable mould. The desire for revenge – no, not just for revenge: for justice – was a hard ball in my stomach.

I had finished, but Garis, still rigidly turned away and skeining out a whole tangle of emotions, didn't move or speak. I had no idea whether he believed me or not.

When Garis entered my room for the second time that day, after he had spoken to Brand and Aemid, it was almost dark outside. The flamingos and the pond had gone; all that remained were some forlorn-looking lily pads draped over the cobblestones.

'Well?' I asked.

'Well, I'm willing to concede Pinar misled us about the first murder attempt, and that she tried to poison you. As for the rest, I can see Brand believes in your innocence, but I've always known that anyway. He's told me often enough. And then, it's just as clear Aemid doesn't.'

'Aemid is shot through with guilt; she had the care of one of the Magor and instead of bringing me up with a knowledge of my country and my heritage, she told me nothing. She has to believe I am still Tyranian at heart. Otherwise she would not be able to live with what she has done to me.'

'Shirin – I want to believe in your change of heart. But I can't accept it merely because you and Brand say it happened. I'm sorry. What if you actually do have the ability to hide your lies?'

Exasperated, I asked, 'Tell me, Garis, after you ride off and leave me to the tender care of my dear cousin, do you really expect to see me alive again?'

He looked uncomfortable and painfully out of his depth. T know what she did was awful, but she's not usually like that. I can hardly believe it – Mirage damn it, I wish Temellin was here! I suppose I can lend you your sword for a while so you can ward Pinar out -'

'Pinar has fitted her cabochon to my sword hilt.'

Oh? His discomfort deepened. Well, he suggested at last, not sounding very hopeful, 'I can try a warding spell against her with my sword -'

'How long would that last once you left? Can't you free me instead?'

'No.'

I cursed silently. 'I hoped it wouldn't come to this, but if there's no other way -' I rose from my chair and went to take a book from the bookcase. 'Have you asked yourself why the Mirage Makers have given me so much help?'

'Well, yes. Temellin also wondered and he didn't know about the books. Shirin, we thought so many of these volumes were lost to us. Do you know what a treasure you have here? Any one of us would have sold our swords for them!'

'Perhaps the Mirage Makers would have produced them for you if they had known you wanted them. Garis, I don't think they understand us easily, at least not unless they use the medium of the song of the Shiver Barrens. There's something strange about that song… but that's another matter for another time. I have the feeling the Mirage Makers do their best to oblige; it's just that they're not human and don't know what humans want. They like quite different things from us, and the things that are of use to them, we don't know how to use. I had eight or so fish in water just hanging in the centre of the room; possibly they would have solved all my problems if I'd known what to do with them. I asked for books, but even then they didn't know which books I'd want, so they gave me everything they could, from a treatise on how to cure diarrhoea in shleths to navigational maps of the Kardi coast. As soon as they found something I could use, like the bathroom or the books, they left them. The

other things all disappeared in time, to be replaced by something else.

'As for why they take such special care with me, well, I think they know I am important to their own future. They do not approve of my imprisonment, Garis. They may have deliberately made your shleth throw you in the hope you'd be hurt enough to have to stay behind, just so I wouldn't be left alone here with the likes of Pinar and Reftim.'

He was horrified. 'They wouldn't have done that, would they? Shiverdamn, I wish Temelhn were here. Perhaps I should ride after him. I don't know what to do, Shirin. I can't take all you say on trust.'

'No. Never mind.' I held up the book I had taken from the shelf. 'This provides an answer to your problem of trust. Read the fourth chapter tonight, Garis, and come back tomorrow morning – and if you value my life at all, don't tell Pinar anything.'

When he returned in the morning, Garis looked unhappier than ever. In his good hand, he was holding the book out from him as if he would have liked to have thrown it away. He was also carrying my sword thrust through the loop of his sling. T can't,' he blurted out to me the moment I opened the door to him. 'You can't. What if-?'

I waved a hand in dismissal. 'Don't you trust the Magor who wrote the book?'

'How do we know this volume is actually what he wrote? There may be mistakes in the copying. Or the Mirage Makers may have changed it.'

'I've found no other mistakes in anything I've read or tried. Garis, this renewal of vows is for a Magor who is believed to have broken the Covenant. You all believe I have done just that. It is right, therefore, that

I should be tested in this way. If I am false, then it kills me. If I am true, I survive. I don't have a problem with that. Why should you? I do know the Stalwarts are coming, and soon – and that unless someone stops them, they will conquer the Mirage. Have you thought about what that means? All the Magoroth children, your future, are right here, in this city. Remembering the Shimmer Festival, what do you think the legionnaires' orders will be concerning children? And the Kardis who have escaped slavery will be faced with a Tyranian army. Who is there to protect them? Who did Temellin leave behind, anyway?'

Garis licked his lips uncertainly. 'Pinar, Gretha, me. A few of the older Theuros and Illusos, people like Illuser-reftim. That's all. Even Zerise went with them.'

'That's all? Dear Goddess! Garis, thinkl How do you imagine I feel being trapped in this room? I will do anything, anything, to be free, even risk death.'

'Shirin, if you are doing this because you think I will relent rather than let you undergo this trial by sword, you are mistaken. I will not stay your hand at the last minute.'

'Have faith, Garis. Haven't you always been told it is impossible for a Magor to be harmed by their own sword?'

'Yes, but no one has actually proved it impossible by driving the blade into their own heart,' he said miserably. 'At least, not as far as I know. There is a ritual that involves driving your blade into the palm of your hand, but the heart7. We also know that if someone else turns your sword against you, they die. Horribly. Your sword kills them… There could be a paradox here.'

'That's irrelevant,' I said. 'We are not talking about someone else doing diis to me. I'm going to do it to myself.' ¦

He still looked unhappy as he added, 'The sword may divert, just the way it did when Temellin flung his at you.'

He was so agitated he didn't even notice I had stripped to the waist. I said, 'I'm not going to give it that chance. My sword, Garis.'

'I – I should tell you, I fitted my cabochon to the hilt.'

I chuckled. 'Wise lad. But I wasn't thinking of turning it against you.'

'I can't risk anything,' he said wretchedly. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's perfectly all right.' I took up the sword and fitted it to my hand. It sprang into light joyously, as if recognising its owner; I welcomed the feel of it. Just to hold it made me feel younger, stronger, more powerful.