“Shit!”
“You don’t need to do that anymore! It’s like breathing. So don’t do it!” Tizzy retorted.
Tom looked at Tizzy, who just shrugged and took off back towards the cave.
“What exactly is his problem?” Reggie asked.
“Aside from being insane, I don’t know. I don’t think he likes you for some reason.”
Reggie shrugged. “So I don’t have to shit? What about eat?”
“Not unless you want to.” Tom said. “The plumbing seems to work okay, but it’s not required, and we don’t get hungry.” Tom pointed to the mountaintop with the cave. “We’re just heading over now. You can sleep safely there. I’ll make sure Talarius doesn’t try to kill you in your sleep.”
“Great!” Reggie said sourly.
“Actually, that’s another thing we usually don’t have to do: sleep. We only sleep after expending a lot of energy, or getting hurt badly, while we regenerate.”
“We regenerate?” Reggie asked in surprise.
“We are remarkably hard to kill. In fact, if we are on some plane other than the Abyss and we get killed, we just end up here and regenerate.”
“Like in a video game?”
Tom had not thought of it that way. “Yeah, like in a video game.”
Talarius noted some motion in the sky to his left. He tapped his helm to adjust the long-range focus on his visor, zooming in on the flying objects. There were three demons approaching: his captor, that annoying octopod thing, and what appeared to be a humanoid with four arms flying rather drunkenly. They had probably gone to celebrate his capture and gotten inebriated. It was well known that demons had no self-control when it came to overindulgence.
“Your friends are returning, apparently with another demon in tow,” Talarius told Rupert, Boggy and Estrebrius. He pointed to the approaching demons.
Boggy looked, blinked and then turned towards Talarius. “You have uncommonly good eyesight for a human.”
Talarius shrugged, giving no response. The squat demon, Estrebrius, seemed to be hyperventilating or something; Talarius noticed he was making some rather odd huffing noises.
“What’s wrong with you?” Talarius asked, forgetting for the moment that he had no interest in the odd behavior of demons.
“Nothing,” Estrebrius huffed. Talarius squinted; if he did not know better, he would have said the demon was nervous. Perhaps having an anxiety attack? He had to talk many a man down from such feelings before a battle. Interesting; he would never have thought demons to have such issues.
Talarius backed up closer to the cave’s entrance so the three demons could land. There was plenty of room, but no reason to get too close. Estrebrius slid back to join him in the entrance. Talarius frowned, hoping his own motion had not implied any fear or anxiety on his part. It had simply been pragmatism, nothing more.
His captor landed and quickly stepped forward as the drunk demon came in a bit fast and somewhat clumsily behind him. Talarius’s captor had to reach out and steady the drunk demon before it fell over the precipice.
The octopod thing just sort of hovered over the ledge. It seemed to do that a lot, Talarius noted. Perhaps it felt too ungainly on the ground. It was certainly an awkward demon. It was equipped for twice as much sinning as any normal being. Thinking of which, and he should not be, he could not help but notice that the new demon began to fondle itself once it was steady. It seemed to be slightly aroused.
“Boggy!” His captor thundered. Did demons ever speak in a normal tone of voice? “Good to see you!” The Boggy demon stepped forward and gave his captor a hug.
“Good to see you, lad! To think, I knew you before you were famous!”
His captor laughed. “Famous?”
“Oh, yeah, you’re the talk of the town. Several hundred demons saw you kick this bloke’s arse!” Boggy pointed to Talarius. Talarius frowned inside his helmet; he would need to get used to this sort of shame. Boggy pulled back. “So! You and Tizzy went out to collect a neophyte?”
His captor laughed again. “You will not believe this. You remember my friend Reggie, the one who gave me the joint?”
“Uhm, yeah?”
“This is him!” His captor pointed at the new demon. “This is my buddy, Reggie! Turns out he had an extra joint and tried it himself and got bound as an incubus!” Talarius frowned. An incubus? He turned his gaze back on the demon that was fondling itself. Well, that at least explained its perverted nature. However, the rest of this discussion was lost on him. Apparently, after ripping limbs from their victims, they liked to pass around the joints to eat and this made them susceptible to binding spells? It made no sense, but that was what it sounded like his captor was saying.
“Holy smokes!” Boggy stared at the new demon.
“You mean unholy smokes, don’t you?” His captor laughed uproariously. Boggy laughed along while the new demon frowned, looking back and forth between Boggy and Talarius’s captor. Rupert seemed about as puzzled as Talarius was, Estrebrius was looking nervous, and the octopod was looking very peeved for some reason. It probably did not like the attention that the new demon was getting. That thing seemed to like to be the center of attention.
His captor suddenly noticed Estrebrius. “Who’s your friend?” The short demon visibly swallowed.
Boggy lightly smacked his forehead, avoiding his horns. “Dearie me, where are my manners? This is my longtime chum, Estrebrius!”
His captor stuck out a giant claw towards the little demon, who cautiously shook it.
“Uhm, pleasure to meet you, Your Lordship!” the little demon piped up, sounding a bit more high-pitched than it had earlier.
His captor laughed. “Just call me Tom.”
Talarius shook his head slightly inside his helmet. His captor’s behavior was quite bizarre. He did not act like a demon should. Talarius wished he could figure out the demon’s ruse. For one thing, what sort of name was “Tom” for a demon? It was excessively informal. He had heard his captor referred to by that name but had been ignoring it. The ignobility of being captured by a demon named simply “Tom” was rather galling. It sounded like some sort of peasant demon, not an archfiend capable of defeating a Knight Rampant of Tiernon!
Talarius gritted his teeth; he needed to get his pride in check. A failed Knight Rampant of Tiernon, he corrected himself. Clearly, his defeat was a sign of his own moral failings. If he had only been more virtuous, more devoted, he would surely have prevailed. His downfall was of his own doing. Perhaps it was his hubris? That was often the downfall of a knight. Hubris, vanity, greed, lust, any of the cardinal sins could have been responsible. He needed to take inventory of his failings and determine which had caused his defeat. He shook his head. Now was not the time for this; the demons were discussing their plans and he was not paying attention. Perhaps inattentiveness had been his failing?
“So let me get this straight,” Tom asked Estrebrius, “your accursed master wants to meet me? He says he has something of value to offer me? And you are tasked with arranging a meeting?”
“Yes, My Lord.” The small chubby demon bowed.
“Again, just Tom. I’m no lord of anything or anyone.” Tom shook his head. “So is this some sort of weird trap or is your master simply insane?”
Estrebrius shook violently and fell down on his knees. “I swear it is no trap, My Lord. He is a good, honest accursed master, as they go. He is also nowhere near skilled enough to trap someone of your power. He just wants to make a deal with you. I have no idea what it is, or why. I really do think he may have taken leave of his senses, but this is what he’s commanded me.”