Mari breathed deeply, then wrapped her arms about him, her face against his shoulder. “My brave, wonderful Mage. How many men would have turned down that chance? Can we go to sleep now? Just sleep?”
The student bed was narrow, but there was enough room for them both as long as they held each other. Alain could feel the tension in Mari after she blew out the candle, but it did not seem to be tension born of physical strain. Plainly exhausted, Mari fell asleep fairly quickly, her body relaxing in his arms, but her breathing occasionally ragged. Concerned, Alain took longer to sleep, but finally drifted off as well.
He woke in the stillness of very late night, feeling Mari thrashing in his arms. Alain focused on her face, dimly visible in the weak moonlight filtering through the room’s window. Mari’s eyes were closed in sleep, but her mouth was open, distended, her expression that of someone screaming. Yet no sound emerged. There were only the jerky movements of her body and the silent scream caught in Mari’s throat.
Alain had never felt so frightened as he did then. “Mari! Mari!” He shook her as he called her name and Mari’s eyes flew open, looking about wildly before they finally met his. “What is wrong?”
She started crying, then buried her face in his chest, her voice muffled. “Alain…Alain…don’t let go. I keep seeing them. I keep seeing them.”
He knew, then. “Those we had to kill. Mari, they gave us no choice. If we had not fought, they would have killed us, and I am certain our deaths would have been much slower and much more painful than the deaths we gave them.”
“It doesn’t matter, Alain! Will I forget them? Tell me I won’t always see them!”
He felt a certainty that Mari, who had never wanted falsehood, now wanted a lie. “You will not always see them.”
“You’re lying,” she sobbed. “I can tell you’re lying. Tell me again.”
“You will not always see them.” Alain had never felt so helpless as he held her, Mari’s tears wetting his chest. “Mari, the memories do fade some. They are not easy to live with, but you can. That is so.”
She shuddered but didn’t say anything else, her grief pressed against Alain as she cried silently. He kept his arms around her, trying to offer what comfort he could, wishing that General Flyn had been wrong or given greater reassurance rather than a harsh truth. It is a hard thing. And now Mari bore that burden as well.
He could not recall falling asleep again, but Alain finally woke to morning light and the occasional soft click of metal against metal. Mari sat at the desk once more, her hands much steadier as she worked methodically with her weapon. She did not seem to take any pleasure in the task, but continued as if it were something that must be done.
Alain watched silently until Mari had finished and put away the small bag of tools. She held the weapon in her hand, looking at it, then after a long time Mari holstered the weapon under her jacket.
Mari had not looked at him, but now she spoke. “Good morning.”
“Is it?” Alain asked.
“I…have to deal with it, Alain. Thank you for being there. Thank you…for being you.”
“I can only be me. I wish I could be more when you need it.”
She turned to look at him, smiling sadly. “I couldn’t ask for more. I meant my offer last night, Alain.”
“You did not.”
“All right, I’ll admit I was a bit overstressed and I’d probably be regretting it this morning. But I wouldn’t have blamed you, and I really do want to be with you.”
“I know that. The right time will come.” Alain sat up, watching her. “You can talk with me. I know the feelings you have.”
Mari grimaced. “You’ve lived with them since that ambush on the way to Ringhmon, haven’t you? And I didn’t have any idea. I’m so sorry. Maybe I could handle this better if I knew what to do next. How can it end here, Alain? Trapped inside Marandur because there’s nowhere else to go and nothing else we can do? What I had to do yesterday…if the world falls into chaos, how many more people will die like that or have to kill like that to survive? It can’t end here. I don’t care whether the prophecy or your vision about me is true or not. I have to change things. I have to stop…that storm.” She shivered, wrapping her arms about herself.
Alain, experienced in ignoring physical discomfort, finally realized how cold it was in the room. He stood up and draped the blanket about Mari’s shoulders. “There is something I did not have the chance to speak with you about last night. When we dealt with the masters of this university, I saw some deception in them.”
“Deception?” Mari whispered the word, her eyes going to the door. “Danger?”
“I do not believe so. Each time you spoke of why we had come to Marandur, of the texts from your Guild, I saw deception in the faces of the masters of the university. They know something of these texts, something important which they did not reveal.”
“Really?” Mari pulled the blanket tighter about her, eyes intent with thought. “Why didn’t they say anything? Any guesses?”
“There was fear and worry in them along with the deception.”
“Guilt?”
“I do not think so.”
She shut her eyes tightly. “How do we convince them to tell us whatever they are withholding? It’d be easier to figure out if we know why they’re withholding it.”
“Is this a trust thing?” Alain asked.
“It might be.” Mari gave him a questioning look. “How do we get them to trust us? What can we do?”
Alain shook his head. “I do not think my Mage skills can offer much for the people here.”
“I can tinker with a few things, but these people don’t have lots of Mechanic equipment.” Mari shivered again. “It’s already cold and it’s just going to get colder as Winter hits. I hope you don’t mind if I keep sharing your bed.”
“I have never objected to that.”
Her smile seemed more natural now. “No, you haven’t, and you also haven’t taken advantage of it.” Mari’s gaze went to a metal object under the window. “I’m glad you can keep me warm. These buildings were designed to use steam heat, and that steam plant must not have worked since the last Mechanic left.”
“These buildings are warmed by Mechanic devices?” Alain asked, surprised.
“Yeah. They’re not being heated that way now. We didn’t see it last night, but there’s a steam boiler somewhere that heats water and sends the steam to all the buildings. Or it would if it was working.”
“Could you make that Mechanic thing work? That might cause the masters of the university to trust us more.”
Mari’s eyes widened, then she actually grinned. “My wonderful, wonderful Mage. What a great idea.” She jumped up and came over to hug him tightly. “Thank you.”
He knew she meant much more than the idea he had just given her, and that made Alain feel much better than he had since last night.
Hope was a strange thing. He could give it to Mari even while wondering if it still existed. Perhaps that hope was false like everything else, a mere illusion, or perhaps it was as real as he was now certain Mari was as well.
Chapter Seventeen
It wasn’t until Mari left the room that she realized the inhabitants of the university probably knew that she had spent the night with Alain. Her pack had been left resting next to his in the room. She felt a surge of embarrassment, then defiance. Let them think what they will. I’m not going to explain or justify myself to anyone, not when I’ve done nothing wrong. I’m tired of people who think the worst of me.
As they walked toward Professor Wren’s office, she felt the silence more strongly than usual. Normally it felt right just to be with Alain, not necessarily saying anything. But now the lack of words weighed on her. “You know, Alain, I can’t operate a boiler all by myself.”