'No,' begged Eddie. 'Tinto, please. We're old friends. Don't do this.'
'Desperate times,' said Tinto, turning his back once more. 'But it's all for the common good. The rest of you...' Tinto's arm extended and swung all around and about. 'The rest of you, prepare to leave. I have a truck outside. We will repair to a place of safety. I know somewhere sweet and secure.'
Tinto whispered certain words into the ear parts of Miss Muffett's spider. 'And sick up on their faces before you kill them,' he added loudly.
'Tinto, no, please.' Eddie waved frantic paws, but Miss Muffett's spider scooped him from his pads.
'Now just you see here.’ Jack raised a fist. But then he too was similarly scooped.
'We're done for,' said Eddie. 'We're sawdust.'
He and Jack were all in the dark. All in the dark iff the locked boot of a big, posh automobile: a mark 22 Hyper-glide limousine with pressed steel body panels finished in whey beige enamel; alloy-trim solid wheels with lithographed brass spoke motifs and moulded tyre assemblies; full pink plush tuffet seating throughout; sunroof fitted as standard; wind-up stereo sound system optional, but installed in this particular model.
This was being driven at speed through the night-time streets of Toy City by Miss Muffett's spider.
'Don't fret, Eddie,' said Jack. 'We'll be fine.'
'Fine?' Eddie's voice was hollow in the bumpy darkness. 'We're being driven to our place of execution. We will not be fine.'
'Of course we will. Trust me.'
Eddie growly-groaned.
'And please tell me,' said Jack, 'what is going on?'
The Mark 22 Hyperglide limousine sped on. The spider tinkered with the wind-up stereo system and behind him in the darkness of the boot Eddie, having nothing better to do, filled Jack in upon all of the details.
'Well,' said Jack, when Eddie had done with the filling of him in, 'I grudgingly have to admit that it does appear that your theory is correct. There really is an evil twin.'
'My pleasure in the knowledge that I was right is somewhat marred by our present circumstances,' said Eddie, shuddering away.
'But at least we now know who the murderer is. And why he's doing the murdering.'
'The evil twin,' Eddie shuddered on. 'But we don't know where he is and we're as doomed as.'
'Wake up, Eddie,' said Jack. 'You're missing the obvious.'
'I'm sure I'm not,' Eddie said.
'I'm sure you are. Remember what we were saying about behaving like proper detectives? Doing things the way Bill would have done them? How they would have been in one of his books?'
Eddie made noncommittal grunting sounds.
'Well, in the books, the detectives would have encountered the murderer by now, and we just did. That was the murderer, Eddie.'
'Tinto? You're saying that Tinto is the murderer?'
'It's not Tinto,' said Jack.
'It's not Tinto?' said Eddie.
'It's not Tinto,' said Jack. 'Don't you understand? Not Tinto.'
'It was Tinto,' said Eddie. 'We both saw him; we both know him.'
'Wasn't Tinto,' said Jack. 'That's what I'm trying to explain. That thing back there wasn't Tinto.'
'I give up,' said Eddie.
'Looked like Tinto,' said Jack. 'And sounded like Tinto. But wasn't Tinto. And do you know how I know?'
'Obviously not,' said Eddie.
'Because of his back. When he turned away from us, I saw it. Tinto is called Tinto because of the name on his back: Tintoy with the "y" scratched off. You showed me; you said that he thinks it makes him special. Our friend back there, at Miss Muffett's, the "y" wasn't scratched off his back. His back was perfect: it glittered in the candlelight'. It said Tintoy on his back. That wasn't Tinto, Eddie. That was the criminal mastermind impersonating Tinto! That was the evil twin himself!'
'You genius,' said Eddie. 'You complete and utter genius. You're as smart as.'
'I'm a detective,' said Jack. 'And that's what we detectives do. Observe. Theorise. Resolve. He lied to them, Eddie. You heard him lying that he'd been at 'the toymaker's house. We were there, he wasn't. And remember what Bellis said about how criminals never tell the truth? They just lie and lie. He went there and lied to them and gained their confidence, told them how he could save them all, told them that the toymaker had sent him. He was disguised as Tinto because he knew that they knew Tinto. And he" was disguised because they all know what he really looks like. They were there; they helped to throw him out of the city. And now he's got them all. All his old enemies. He'll kill them for certain.'
'So how can we stop him? He's the very Devil, Jack.'
'And a formidable adversary, if he can turn himself into weapons and stuff like that. But we'll find a way. Somehow.'
'Do you think he was the spider-woman too?' Eddie asked.
Jack shrugged in the darkness.
'Was that a yes or a no?'
'It was a shrug.'
'I'm very sad about all this,' said Eddie. 'I get it right and then we get captured and sent off to our deaths.'
'It will all be okay. Somehow. Trust me, Eddie.'
'I do,' said Eddie. 'But...'
'But what?'
'The car's just stopped,' said Eddie. 'And I think I need the toilet.'
There was a click of a key in. a lock and then the boot lid swung open. Some light fell upon Eddie and Jack. Not a lot of light, but enough: enough to illuminate the fearful face of Eddie.
'Out,' said Miss Muffett's spider.
'What did he say?’ Jack asked.
'He said "Out",' said Eddie.
'Oh,' said Jack. 'Right.'
Jack lifted Eddie from the boot and set him down upon the ground. And then Jack climbed out and stood before the spider.
The creature was little less than terrifying. In fact, it was a great deal more than more so: a towering black science fiction nasty. Its glistening mandibles clicked. Its complicated mouthparts moved in and out and its multifaceted eyes stared unblinkingly at Jack.
Jack stared back. 'You're one ugly mother...'
But the spider struck him from his feet.
Jack rolled over on the ground and glared up at the creature. 'Ask him where we are,’ Jack called out to Eddie.
Eddie cowered at the car boot.
'Ask him,' said Jack.
Eddie asked the spider.
Mouthparts moved and words were uttered.
'He says we're at the abandoned doll works on East 666,' said Eddie, in a trembly tone.
Jack climbed slowly to his feet. 'Do you know your way back to Miss Muffett's from here?' he asked Eddie.
'Yes, but...'
'Then get in the car; we're leaving.'
The spider spoke further words.
'It says...' said Eddie.
'I don't care what it says,' said Jack. 'Get in the car, Eddie.'
'But, Jack.'
The spider drew back and then suddenly rushed forward at Jack: a blur of terrible scrabbling legs and horrible horrible mouthparts.
Jack drew the 7.62 mm M134 General Clockwork Mini-gun from his trousers and coolly shot the spider's head right off the arachnid equivalent of its shoulders.
'Right,' said Jack, retrousering his weapon. 'Let's go.'
Eddie looked at the fallen spider and then he looked up at Jack.
'What?' said Jack.
Eddie shrugged.
'Well, what did you expect me to do, let it kill me?'
'Yes, well no, but.'
'I couldn't shoot it back at Miss Muffett's, too many big burly men with sunglasses and guns about. I had to wait until we got here.'
'But I've been all but pooing myself. I was as terrified as.'