“Perhaps you are. A little.”
“It’s an awful thing, Plarr, but there’s no one else I can leave them with. I can’t trust Humphries…”
“I’ll give you a jab of morphine if you want to sleep.”
“I’d rather stay awake. I’ve the hell of a lot of things to think about and not much time. I want to be left alone, Plarr. Alone. I have to get used to that, haven’t I?”
4
It seemed to Doctor Plarr that they had all been left completely alone. Their enemies had abandoned them: the loudspeaker had fallen silent, the rain had stopped, and in spite of his thoughts Doctor Plarr slept, though fitfully. The first time he opened his eyes it was the voice of Father Rivas that woke him. The priest was kneeling by the door with his lips pressed to a crack in the wood. He seemed to be speaking to the dead or dying man outside. Words of comfort, a prayer, the formula of conditional absolution? Doctor Plarr turned on his other side and slept again. When he woke a second time, Charley Fortnum was snoring in the other room-a dry-throated grating whisky snore. Perhaps he was dreaming of security in the big bed at home after he had finished the bottle on the dumbwaiter. Was Clara patient with him when he snored like that? When she was forced to lie awake beside him what had her thoughts been? Had she regretted her cell at Mother Sanchez’? There, with the dawn, she could sleep peacefully alone. Did she regret the simplicity of her life there? He had no idea. He could no more imagine her thoughts than he could imagine the thoughts of a strange animal.
The light from the projectors shining under the door lost brilliance. The last day had begun. He remembered an occasion years ago when he sat with his mother at a son-et-lumiere performance outside Buenos Aires. The searchlights came and went like a professor’s white chalk, picking out a tree, under which someone-San Martin was it?—had sat-an old stable where another figure of history had tethered his horse, the windows of a room where a treaty or a constitution-he couldn’t remember what-had been signed. A voice explained the story in a prose touched with the dignity of the un-recallable past. He was tired from his medical studies and he fell asleep. When he woke for the third time it was to see Marta busy at the table laying a cloth, while daylight seeped through the interstices of window and door. There were two unlit candles on the table stuck in saucers. “They are all we have left, Father,” Marta said.
Father Rivas was still asleep, curled up like an embryo.
Marta repeated, “Father.”
One by one, as she spoke, the others began to wake to the new day, Leon, Pablo, Aquino.
“What time is it?”
“What?”
“What did you say?”
“There are not enough candles, Father.”
“The candles do not matter, Marta. You fuss too much.”
“Your shirt is still wet. You will catch your death from cold.”
“I doubt that,” Father Rivas said.
She grumbled her disappointments as she laid out on the table in turn a medicine bottle full of wine, a mate gourd which had to serve as a chalice, a torn dishcloth for a napkin. “It is not how I wanted it to be,” she complained. “It is not how I dreamed of it.” She put a pocket missal which had lost half its binding open on the table. “What Sunday is it, Father?” she asked, as she fumbled with the leaves. “Is it the twenty-fifth Sunday after Pentecost or the twenty-sixth? Or can it be Advent, Father?”
“I have no idea,” Father Rivas said.
“Then how can I find you the right Gospel and the right Epistle?”
“I will take what comes. Pot luck,” he said.
Pablo said, “It would be a good thing to release Fortnum now. It must be nearly six, and in two hours…”
“No,” Aquino said, “we have voted to wait.”
“He hasn’t voted,” Pablo said, indicating Doctor Plarr.
“He has no vote. He is not one of us.”
“He will die with us.”
Father Rivas took his wet shirt from Marta. He said, “We have no time to argue now. I am going to say Mass. Help Seńor Fortnum in if he wants to hear it. I shall be saying Mass for Diego, for Miguel, for all of us who may be going to die today.”
“Not for me,” Aquino said.
“You cannot dictate to me whom I pray for. I know well enough you believe in nothing. All right. Believe in nothing. Stay In the corner there and believe in nothing. Who cares whether you believe or not? Even Marx cannot guarantee what is true or false any more than I can.”
“I hate to see time wasted. We have not so much of it left.”
“What would you prefer to do with your time?”
Aquino laughed. “Oh, of course, I would waste it like you. ‘When death is on the tongue, the live man speaks.’ If I still had a wish to write I would make that verse a little clearer-I almost begin to understand it myself.”
“Will you hear my confession, Father?” the Negro asked.
“Of course. In a moment. If you come into the yard. And you, Marta?”
“How can I confess, Father?”
“Why not? You are near enough to death to promise anything. Even to leave me.”
“I will never…”
“The parachutists will see to that.”
“But you, Father?”
“Oh, I will have to take my chance. There are not many people lucky enough to die with a priest handy. I am glad to be one of the majority. I have been one of the privileged too long.”
Doctor Plarr left them and went in to the inner room. He said, “Leon’s going to say Mass. Do you want to be there?”
“What time is it?”
“I don’t know. Some time after six, I think. The sun has risen.”
“What will they do now?”
“Perez has given them till eight to release you.”
“They are not going to?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Then they’ll kill me and Perez will kill them. You’ve got the best chance, haven’t you?”
“Perhaps. It’s not a big chance.”
“My letter to Clara… you’d better keep it for me all the same.”
“If you want me to.”
Charley Fortnum took a wad of papers from his pocket. “Most of these are bills. Unpaid. The tradesmen all cheat except Gruber. Where in hell did I put it?” At last he found the letter in another pocket. “No,” he said, “there’s not much point in sending it to her now. Why should she care to hear a lot of loving words from me if she has you?” He tore the letter into small pieces. “Anyway I wouldn’t want the police to read it. There’s a photo too,” he said, searching in his wallet. “The only one I’ve got of Fortnum’s Pride, but she’s in it as well.” He took a quick look and then he tore it also into minute pieces.
“Promise you won’t tell her that I knew about you. I wouldn’t want her to feel any guilt. If she’s capable of it.”
“I promise,” Doctor Plarr said.
“These bills-you’d better look after them,” Charley Fortnum said. He handed them to Doctor Plarr. “There may be enough in my current account to meet them. If not-the buggers have swindled me enough. I’m clearing the decks,” he added, “but I don’t want the crew to suffer.”
“Father Rivas will be starting Mass by now. If you want to hear it, I’ll give you an arm in there.”
“No, I’ve never been what you’d call a religious man. I think I’ll stay out here with the whisky.” He carefully measured what was left in the bottle. “Perhaps one small one now-that leaves a real measure at the last. Bigger than a shipmaster’s.”
A low voice was speaking in the other room. Charley Fortnum said, “I know people are supposed to get a bit of comfort at the end-by believing in all that. Do you believe in anything at all?”
“No.”
Now that the personal truth was out between them Doctor Plarr felt a curious need to speak with complete accuracy. He added, “I don’t think so.”
“Nor do I-except… It’s a damn silly thing to feel, but when I’m with that fellow out there, I mean the priest… the one who’s going to murder me… I feel… Do you know there was even a moment when I thought he was going to confess to me. To me, Charley Fortnum? Can you beat that? And by God I’d have given him absolution. When are they going to kill me, Plarr?”