He wished he could believe that.
He squeezed his eyes closed. Jack and Maggie-how could he ever forgive himself?
He found himself suddenly at the nursery door. He stood staring at it for a moment, at the gouge that traveled the length of the wall leading up, at the gash where the knife had pinned that infuriating note to the wooden panel. He reached out and touched the marks experimentally, as if by doing so he might discover the truth behind their origin.
Then he pushed the door open and stepped inside.
The room was as he had found it earlier, dark and empty and chill. The windows had been closed again, the rocking horse righted, the beds and their covers straightened. The night-lights were back on, their glow steady and certain once more against the shadows. Toys and books still lay scattered about. The children's luggage remained stacked by the bureau.
He stared vacantly at the room for a moment and then walked to the windows. He undid the latch and pulled them open to the night, feeling the breeze brush his face, watching the lace curtains dance. He stared up at the sky, the clouds broken and scattered now, the stars reappeared.
Peter found himself thinking suddenly of all the opportunities he had missed to be with Maggie and Jack, all the chances he had let slip through his fingers, all the times he had promised to do things with them and then failed to follow through. Jack's baseball game-he'd been too late, hadn't he? Maggie's play-he'd come, but how much attention had he paid to her? The times they'd wanted to roughhouse-hadn't he always been too busy?
If I could just have another chance, he thought dismally, if I could only have them back again…
Tears came to his eyes. He wiped at them futilely, then gave up trying and simply broke down and cried, his head lowered, his shoulders shaking, his hands gripping the window frames so hard they hurt.
Then the edge of the curtains grazed his face, teasing like a spider web. He brushed at them irritably, blinked back the tears, and lifted his head once more to stare out at the night.
That was when he saw the light.
The light was brilliant, a dancing brightness that hurtled out of the heavens toward earth. A shooting star, he thought-and then realized it was coming directly toward him. He stared in disbelief, then started to back away. It looked like a comet sweeping down from the Milky Way, white-hot head with a tail of fire. It kept coming, faster now, swifter than thought. Peter's eyes went wide.
Then abruptly the light exploded through the open windows, no comet this, too small by far to be anything so grand, but terrifying nevertheless, because it appeared to be alive. It caromed about the room wildly, knocking pictures from the wall, spinning this way and that, and then finally rocketed toward Peter. He saw it coming and backed away, brushing at it with his hands, crying "shoo, shoo," and searching at the same time for the door out. He caught sight of a stack of magazines and snatched one up, rolling it, then swatting at the light. Some sort of crazed firefly, he told himself, frantic now. Would it bite or sting? What else was going to happen to him before this night was over?
He was still retreating, the light dancing around now as if to taunt him, when he tripped over one of the fallen dolls and went down. He caught himself with his hands, losing his grip on the magazine as he did. Weaponless, he began skittering backward on all fours. The light darted and zipped away, back and forth, up and down, tireless in its pursuit.
Finally Peter backed himself into a corner, close by the rocking horse and the dollhouse, and there was nowhere else to go. He flattened himself against the wainscoting, gasping for breath.
The light darted in and away again, steadied, then settled slowly to the edge of the children's writing desk. As it did so it changed, gaining definition, taking shape. Peter found himself staring at a tiny creature no bigger than a minute. A woman, a girl, something of each? She wore clothes that might have been a mix of moonlight and morning dew and fall leaves. They glimmered as brightly as diamonds and clung to her like a glove to a hand. Her hair swept back from her pointed ears and was a mix of sunrise and sunset, both red and gold, and as bright as the summer sun at midday.
She straightened and began to walk about the desk, hopping over pencils and crayons, stepping lightly through an inkpad, then flitting down to land on Peter's knee. Peter stared, frozen as still as an ice statue. The little creature had wings! Tiny, gossamer wings! She walked down his leg, keeping perfect balance, and up the front of his rumpled white shirt, leaving tiny black footprints from the ink as she went. When she reached his chin, her wings fluttered and she rose in the air before him until they were nose to nose.
Bending delicately, she sniffed.
"Oh, it is you," she declared with some surprise. "It is. A big you. I wasn't at all sure. I guess it's not bad that you're big-you were always bigger than me anyway. Not this big, of course." She glanced down at his stomach. "Well, maybe this means you will be twice as much fun."
Peter's head was hunched down between his shoulders. He was trying both to breathe and not to breathe at the same time. His fear had paralyzed him.
"Moira?" he managed to whisper, hopeful that she would come.
The little creature was dancing about, not listening. "Oh, Peter, what fun we'll have-what times, what great games! Do you remember what it was like before?"
Peter made a supreme effort to collect himself. He took a deep, steadying breath and swallowed down his fear. "You're a… you're a fae… a fae…"
"A faerie, yes," she agreed, and brushed delightedly at her shimmering hair.
"A pix…"
"Pixie." She gave an impish grin. "And if less is more, there is no end to me, Peter Pan."
Peter paled. "Peter Banning," he corrected.
She squinched up her nose. "Pan."
"Banning."
"Pan."
"Banning."
She put her hands on her hips and stood there in midair, sizing him up. "A fat, old Pan."
"Uh… a fat, old Banning." He managed a nervous grin.
The faerie pursed her lips and thought the matter over. "Well, whoever you are, you're still you. Only one person has that smell."
Peter blinked indignantly. "What smell?"
The faerie's face went radiant with her smile. "The smell of someone who's ridden the back of the wind. The smell of a hundred summers of sleeping in trees, of adventures with Indians and pirates. Oh, remember, Peter? The world was ours and we could do whatever we chose. It was wonderful because whatever we did could be anything at all and still it was always us doing it!"
She darted forward to touch his face and flinched. "Ouch! Bristly, sharp things!"
"Whiskers," Peter said dully. He laid his head back against the wainscoting and closed his eyes. "It's finally happened-I'm having a nervous breakdown."
A tug at his bow tie brought his eyes open again. The faerie, possessing surprising strength for someone so tiny, brought him to his feet and dragged him toward the open windows.
"Follow me, Peter, and all will be well," she called back.
Peter wasn't listening. "Or I've had a massive heart attack and I'm dying. I'm having an out-of-body experience. I'm floating toward the white light of… whatever. Look, I've left my body completely." He caught sight of the dollhouse behind him. "You see-there's Granny Wendy's house, number fourteen Kensington, way down there, way down. But wait a minute, those are my feet, aren't they, right there on the floor. Oh, my. God. What's happening? Where are we going?"
The faerie laughed gaily. "To save your children, of course."
Peter's eyes snapped up. "Wait! How do you know about my kids?"
She laughed some more. "Everybody knows! Captain Hook has them, and now you've got to fight him to get them back. Let's fly, Peter Pan!"