It was a very strange story, but almost stranger than the story itself, with its two fantastical blue-veined balls following Blumfeld around his apartment, was the fact that, contrary to what I had told Bruno, I evidently had read it. And not only read it, but taught it too, as it was all marked up in little underlinings and scribbles in my handwriting. Even so, not one word of it seemed familiar to me now. Nothing!
It’s not quite pointless after all to live in secret as an unnoticed bachelor, I read, now that someone, no matter who, has penetrated this secret and sent him these two strange balls… How could I have forgotten something so strikingly bizarre? A complete mental evacuation must have taken place. I simply didn’t recognise a word of it. To get rid of the balls, Blumfeld plays a trick on them – climbing backwards into the wardrobe so that they have to bounce in there too: And when Blumfeld, having by now pulled the door almost to, jumps out of it with an enormous leap such as he has not made for years, slams the door, and turns the key, the balls are imprisoned. Relieved, wiping the sweat from his brow, Blumfeld leaves the apartment. It is remarkable how little he worries about the balls now that he is separated from them…
Abruptly, before I had finished the story, a small, pulsating silver spot appeared in the corner of my field of vision.
I hadn’t experienced this phenomenon since I was twelve or thirteen, but I recognised it immediately, and put the book down with a feeling of alarm.
The spot began to grow, as I had feared it would, flickering and pulsating across my vision like a swarm of angry insects. I stood in the middle of my living room, looking helplessly through the window as this apparition gradually blocked out the ailanthus tree in the courtyard and the lit windows of the apartments opposite. After a while all I could see were a few peripheral slivers of the ceiling and walls surrounding me. And then for a minute or two I became completely blind.
I stood, trying to remain calm, listening to the suddenly pronounced sounds of the night – monkey-yelping police sirens, the ventilator humming on the roof of the pizza kitchen across the courtyard. Above me my upstairs neighbor, Mr Kurwen, turned on a TV, then walked heavily across his apartment to turn on a second TV. A toilet flushed next door. Then, as rapidly as it had come, the occlusion faded. And right on cue, as the last traces vanished, my head began to throb with an ache so intense I cried aloud with pain.
I had had these migraines for a period as a boy: the same silvery swarm spreading until it blinded me, then vanishing, leaving behind a headache of excruciating ferocity that continued unabated for five or six hours. After all other medications failed, my mother had taken me to a homeopathic doctor, an old Finn in a peculiar-smelling room, surrounded by dishes of felspar and a sticky substance he told me was crushed red ants. He gave me five tiny pills, instructing me to take one a night, five nights in a row. I hadn’t had a migraine since then – not until now.
I went into the bedroom and lay down on the bed in darkness. The pain concentrated itself in the center of my forehead. It felt as though something were in there trying to get out – using now a hammer, now a pick-axe, now an electric drill. Above me Mr Kurwen’s two TVs came booming down through the flimsy sheetrock walls. This had been going on since his wife had died a few months earlier. I’d gone up there to complain once, at midnight. Mr Kurwen had opened the door, glaring impenitently. His round, white-stubbled moon of a face had something odd about it – a glass eye, I’d realised after a moment; brighter and bluer than its brother. Several lapdogs yapped in the dark behind him, where the two TVs threw lurid bouquets of color on opposing walls. ‘My wife just died of cancer and you’re telling me to turn down the TV?’ was all he had said.
Between the cacophony up there and the pounding under my forehead, I felt as if I were being slowly compressed in a room with contracting walls. What had been in the Finn’s little pills? I wondered. With the confused logic of the afflicted, I tried to think what substance might have a homeopathic relationship with this particular form of pain. Caffeine, I decided: too much coffee sometimes gave me a headache. I got up, grabbed my coat, and went out. Soft, wet grains of sleet were falling thickly, clinging like icy burrs. I’d intended to go to the Polish coffee shop two blocks away, but under the circumstances I went straight into the cybercafe´ instead – my first visit – and ordered a triple espresso.
The place was full of well-heeled-looking kids in neat black sweaters and slacks. Of the two or three definable new generations that had come up since my own, this one made me the most anxious. In their presence I felt for the first time the obscure sense of disgrace that comes with age. Their smooth, pin-pupilled faces were splashed blue-gray from the screens; their slim, angular limbs moving elegantly between keyboard, mouse, beverage, palm-pilot; clicking away as if they and these appurtenances had coevolved over many millennia. Some of them wore discreet brushed-steel headsets, adding to the general entomological appearance. As I drank my coffee, watching a group of them mill out through the door like a detachment of plutocratic ants, something caught my eye. Among the mosaic of flyers pinned to a bulletin board in the corner was a poster for a play. Blumfeld, an Elderly Bachelor, it read, by Franz Kafka.
In smaller print, under the bleary image of a man inside a closet, were the words: adapted for the stage by Bogomil Trumilcik.
Trumilcik! Seeing the name again I felt a faint inward shift or lurch, as of a distant gear engaging. The fleeting unease I had felt at the train station returned to me, and this time – taking it, as it were, by surprise – I saw what should have been obvious to me in the first place: that the disappearance of the coin from the bronze bowl could only mean that my recent awakening to the fact of Trumilcik had prompted a reciprocal awakening in him to the fact of me. Furthermore, I couldn’t help feeling that his removal of the coin (assuming I was right in attributing that action to him) had something aggressive about it, or at least aggressively defensive, as though he either wished to threaten me or else perceived me as a threat. At any rate, this unexpected reappearance of his name before me seemed, in my inflamed state, like a summons to action of my own.
I stood up and paid. The coffee was flittering and sparking in my head, adding an effect of lightning to the dry thunder already pounding there. Outside, I headed north and east, away from the gentrified blocks, to the Alphabet City I knew of old, with its charred tenements and smouldering graffiti. Even here, though, you felt the touch of the new order prevailing in City Hall. Women used to stand on the corners where the cross-streets met Avenue C: junkies with micro-skirts over their skeletal thighs; crack-addicted mothers from the East River projects, tottering around on high heels, eyes aglitter. Gone now, like the bawds in Vienna after Angelo’s proclamation against vice. The only things glittering there these days were the freshly refurbished payphones, tricked out in their new Bell Atlantic decals, silver coils and bellies gleaming in the streetlights. I gave them a wide berth, plunging on through the thick sleet still splashing down like icy paint, till I came to the theater, a modest-looking establishment in the basement of what appeared to be a derelict synagogue.
Down the stairs, through a bruised-looking metal door, was a neon-lit lobby with an empty chair at a table bearing programs and a roll of tickets. Off this was a self-closing double-door. I put my ear to it, but it had been soundproofed and I could hear only muffled, incomprehensible voices. I would have opened it, but I didn’t want to risk being seen by Bruno and his friends, and having to explain myself later on.