'Oh Tom. I love you so much.'
'I love you too.'
They lit the candles she'd bought for the supper party and turned off the fluorescents so they could eat at the little table in the kitchen. The pasta was perfect. When they were through eating, he asked her if she'd figured out the string trick. She said according to Joe it wasn't a trick but in any case, no, she hadn't.
'Do you still have it?' 'What do you think?'
She pulled it from her pocket and gave it to him and he told her to hold up her finger and watch closely because he was only going to show her once. She did and followed every intricate maneuver of his hand until the loop circled and seemed trapped by their touching fingers. Then, as he slowly pulled the loop, the moment before it came free, she suddenly saw how it was done.
'Let me try,' she said. She found she could picture exactly the movements his hands had made and translate them in mirror image to her own. And sure enough, when she pulled, the cord came free.
He sat back in his chair and gave her a smile that was both loving and sad.
'There you are,' he said. 'Now you know.'
'Do I get to keep the cord?'
'You don't need it anymore.' And he took it and put it in his pocket.
Everyone was there and Grace wished they weren't. Such though had been the build-up to this moment, that a full turnout was only to be expected. She looked at the waiting faces along the rail of the big arena: her mom, Frank and Diane, Joe, the twins in their matching Universal Studios caps, even Smoky had come by. And what if it all went wrong? It wouldn't, she told herself firmly. She wasn't going to let it.
Pilgrim stood saddled in the middle of the arena while Tom adjusted the stirrups. The horse looked beautiful, though Grace still couldn't get used to the sight of him in a western saddle. Since riding Gonzo she'd come to prefer it to her old English one. It made her feel more secure, so that's what they were going to use today.
Earlier she and Tom had managed to weed out the last tangles from his mane and tail and they'd brushed him till he shone. Scars aside, she thought, he looked like a show horse. He'd always had a sense of occasion. It was almost a year to the day, she recalled, that she'd seen the first photograph of him, the one they'd sent up from Kentucky.
They had all just watched Tom ride him gently around the arena a few times. Grace had stood beside her mother and tried with deep breathing to subdue her fluttering stomach.
'What if it's only Tom he'll let ride him?' she hissed.
Annie gave her a hug. 'Honey, Tom wouldn't let you if it wasn't safe, you know that.'
It was true. But it didn't make her any less nervous.
Tom had left Pilgrim alone and was now heading over to them. She stepped forward. The new leg felt good.
'All set?' he said. She swallowed and nodded. She wasn't sure she could trust her voice. He saw the worry in her face and when he got to her he said, so no one else could hear, 'You know, Grace, we don't have to do this now. Tell you the truth, I didn't know there was going to be this kind of circus.'
'It's okay. I don't mind.'
'Sure?'
'Sure.'
He put his arm around her shoulders and they walked out to where Pilgrim stood waiting. She saw him prick up his ears as they came.
Annie's heart was thumping so loud she thought Diane, next to her, must be able to hear. It was hard to know how many of its beats were for Grace and how many for herself. For what was going on across the strip of red sand was too momentous. It was both a beginning and an end, though of what and for whom, Annie had no clear perception. It was as though everything were swirling in some vast, climactic centrifuge of emotion and only when it stopped would she see what it had done to them all and what was then to become of them.
'She's one brave kid, that daughter of yours,' Diane said.
'I know.'
Tom had Grace stop a short distance from where Pilgrim was standing, so as not to crowd him. He went the final few paces alone, stopped beside him then reached gently to take hold of him. He held him by the bridle and put his head beside Pilgrim's while he soothed the horse's neck with his flat of his other hand. Pilgrim never took his eyes off Grace.
Even from a distance, Annie could tell something was wrong.
When Tom tried to ease him forward, he resisted, lifting his head and looking down at Grace so that you could see white at the top of his eye. Tom turned him away and walked him in circles, as she'd seen him do on a halter, bending him, making him yield to pressure and roll his hindquarters across. This seemed to calm him. But as soon as Tom led him back toward Grace, he became edgy again.
Grace was facing the other way, so Annie couldn't see her face. But she didn't need to. She could feel from here the worry and hurt that had surely taken hold of the girl.
'I don't know if this is a good idea,' Diane said.
'He'll be alright.' Annie said it too quickly. It sounded harsh.
'I reckon,' said Smoky. But even he didn't seem too sure.
Tom took Pilgrim away and did some more circles and when that didn't work either he climbed up on him and took him a few times around the arena at a lope. Grace turned slowly, following them with her eyes. She looked briefly at Annie and they swapped a smile neither could make convincing.
Tom didn't speak or concern himself with anyone but Pilgrim. He was frowning and Annie couldn't tell if it was only in concentration or if there was worry there too, though he never showed worry, she knew, when he was with horses.
He dismounted and led Pilgrim again toward Grace. And again the horse balked. This time Grace turned on her heel and almost fell. As she walked back across the sand, her mouth quivered and Annie could see she was fighting tears.
'Smoke?' Tom called. Smoky climbed over the rail and went to him.
Frank said, 'He'll be okay, Grace. Just you hang on there a minute or two. Tom'll get him okay, you'll see.'
Grace nodded and tried to smile but couldn't look at him or anyone else, least of all Annie. Annie wanted to hug her but held off. She knew Grace wouldn't be able to take it and the tears would come and then she'd be embarrassed and angry at both of them. Instead, when the girl came near enough, Annie said quietly, 'Frank's right. It'll be okay.'
'He saw I was scared,' Grace said under her breath.
Out in the arena, Tom and Smoky were huddled, having some urgent, hushed discussion none but Pilgrim could hear. After a while Smoky turned and jogged over to the gate at the end of the arena. He climbed over it and disappeared into the barn. Tom left Pilgrim where he was and came over to where everyone was waiting.
'Okay Grace,' he said. 'We're going to do something now that I'd kind of hoped we wouldn't have to. But there's still something going on inside him that I can't reach in any other way. So me and Smoke here, we're going to try laying him down. Okay?'
Grace nodded. Annie could see the girl had no clearer idea of what this meant than she had herself.
'What does it involve?' Annie asked. He looked at her and she had a sudden vivid image of their joined bodies.
'Well, it's more or less how it sounds. Only I have to tell you that it's not always pretty to watch. Sometimes a horse'll fight it real hard. That's why I don't like doing it unless I have to. This fella's already shown us he likes a good fight. So if you'd sooner not watch, I suggest you go inside and we'll call you when we're done.'
Grace shook her head. 'No. I want to watch.'
Smoky came back into the ring with the things Tom had sent him to get. They'd had to do this a few months back at a clinic down in New Mexico, so Smoky pretty much knew the score. Quietly though, away from all those watching, Tom took him through the process again so there wouldn't be any mistakes and nobody would get hurt.