“What are we in such a hurry to get?” Jared asked me.
I took a deep breath before I answered him. “Cryotanks.”
The south tunnel was black. I could not see his face. His footsteps did not falter beside me, and he didn’t say anything for several minutes. When he spoke again, I could hear that he was focusing on the raid-single-minded, setting aside whatever curiosity he felt until after the mission was planned to his satisfaction.
“Where do we get them?”
“Empty cryotanks are stored outside Healing facilities until they’re needed. With more souls coming in than leaving, there will be a surplus. No one will guard them; no one will notice if some go missing.”
“Are you sure? Where did you get this information?”
“I saw them in Chicago, piles and piles of them. Even the little facility we went to in Tucson had a small store of them, crated outside the delivery bay.”
“If they were crated, then how can you be sure -”
“Haven’t you noticed our fondness for labels?”
“I’m not doubting you,” he said. “I just want to make sure that you’ve thought this through.”
I heard the double meaning in his words.
“I have.”
“Let’s get it done, then.”
Doc was already gone-already with Jeb, as we hadn’t passed him on the way. He must have left right behind me. I wondered how his news was being taken. I hoped they weren’t stupid enough to discuss it in front of the Seeker. Would she shred her human host’s brain if she guessed what I was doing? Would she assume I’d turned traitor entirely? That I would give the humans what they needed with no restrictions?
Wasn’t that what I was about to do, though? When I was gone, would Doc bother to keep his word?
Yes, he would try. I believed that. I had to believe that. But he couldn’t do it alone. And who would help him?
We scrambled up the tight black vent that opened onto the southern face of the rocky hill, about halfway up the low peak. The eastern edge of the horizon was turning gray, with just a hint of pink bleeding into the line between sky and rock.
My eyes were locked on my feet as I climbed down. It was necessary; there was no path, and the loose rocks made for treacherous footing. But even if the way had been paved and smooth, I doubted I would have been able to lift my eyes. My shoulders, too, seemed trapped in a slump.
Traitor. Not a misfit, not a wanderer. Just a traitor. I was putting my gentle brothers’ and sisters’ lives into the angry and motivated hands of my adopted human family.
My humans had every right to hate the souls. This was a war, and I was giving them a weapon. A way to kill with impunity.
I considered this as we ran through the desert in the growing light of dawn-ran because, with the Seekers looking, we shouldn’t be out in the daylight.
Focusing on this angle-viewing my choice not as a sacrifice but rather as arming the humans in exchange for the Seeker’s life-I knew that it was wrong. And if I was trying to save only the Seeker, this would be the moment when I would change my mind and turn around. She wasn’t worth selling out the others. Even she would agree with that.
Or would she? I suddenly wondered. The Seeker didn’t seem to be as… what was the word Jared had used? Altruistic. As altruistic as the rest of us. Maybe she would count her own life dearer than the lives of many.
But it was too late to change my mind. I’d already thought far beyond just saving the Seeker. For one thing, this would happen again. The humans would kill any souls they came across unless I gave them another option. More than that, I was going to save Melanie, and that was worth the sacrifice. I was going to save Jared and Jamie, too. Might as well save the repugnant Seeker while I was at it.
The souls were wrong to be here. My humans deserved their world. I could not give it back to them, but I could give them this. If only I could be sure that they would not be cruel.
I would just have to trust Doc, and hope.
And maybe wring the promise from a few more of my friends, just in case.
I wondered how many human lives I would save. How many souls’ lives I might save. The only one I couldn’t save now was myself.
I sighed heavily. Even over the sound of our exerted breathing, Jared heard that. In my peripheral vision, I saw his face turn, felt his eyes boring into me, but I did not look over to meet his gaze. I stared at the ground.
We got to the jeep’s hiding place before the sun had climbed over the eastern peaks, though the sky was already light blue. We ducked into the shallow cave just as the first rays painted the desert sand gold.
Jared grabbed two bottles of water out of the backseat, tossed one to me, and then lounged against the wall. He gulped down half a bottle and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before he spoke.
“I could tell you were in a hurry to get out of there, but we need to wait until dark if you’re planning a smash and grab.”
I swallowed my mouthful of water. “That’s fine. I’m sure they’ll wait for us now.”
His eyes searched my face.
“I saw your Seeker,” he told me, watching my reaction. “She’s… energetic.”
I nodded. “And vocal.”
He smiled and rolled his eyes. “She doesn’t seem to enjoy the accommodations we provided.”
My gaze dropped to the floor. “Could be worse,” I mumbled. The strangely jealous hurt I’d been feeling leaked, uninvited, into my voice.
“That’s true,” he agreed, his voice subdued.
“Why are they so kind to her?” I whispered. “She killed Wes.”
“Well, that’s your fault.”
I stared up at him, surprised to see the slight curve of his mouth; he was teasing me.
“Mine?”
His small smile wavered. “They didn’t want to feel like monsters. Not again. They’re trying to make up for before, only a little too late-and with the wrong soul. I didn’t realize that would… hurt your feelings. I would have thought you’d like it better that way.”
“I do.” I didn’t want them to hurt anyone. “It’s always better to be kind. I just…” I took a deep breath. “I’m glad I know why.”
Their kindess was for me, not for her. My shoulders felt lighter.
“It’s not a good feeling-knowing that you profoundly deserve the title of monster. It’s better to be kind than to feel guilty.” He smiled again and then yawned. That made me yawn.
“Long night,” he commented. “And we’ve got another one coming. We should sleep.”
I was glad for his suggestion. I knew he had many questions about exactly what this raid meant. I also knew he would have already put several things together. And I didn’t want to discuss any of it.
I stretched out on the smooth patch of sand beside the jeep. To my shock, Jared came to lie beside me, right beside me. He curled around the curve of my back.
“Here,” he said, and he reached around to slide his fingers under my face. He pulled my head up from the ground and then moved his arm under it, making a pillow for me. He let his other arm drape over my waist.
It took a few seconds before I was able to respond. “Thanks.”
He yawned. I felt his breath warm the back of my neck. “Get some rest, Wanda.”
Holding me in what could only be considered an embrace, Jared fell asleep quickly, as he had always been able to do. I tried to relax with his arm warm around me, but it took a long time.
This embrace made me wonder how much he had already guessed.
My weary thoughts tangled and twisted. Jared was right-it had been a very long night. Though not half long enough. The rest of my days and nights were going to fly by as if they were only minutes.
The next thing I knew, Jared was shaking me awake. The light in the little cavern was dim and orangey. Sunset.
Jared pulled me to my feet and handed me a hiker’s meal bar-this was the kind of rations they kept with the jeep. We ate, and drank the rest of our water, in silence. Jared’s face was serious and focused.