His arms stiffened, then constricted tighter around me, and I could feel the anger in them again. It was hard to breathe.
“You’re not wandering off anywhere. You’re staying here.”
“Ian -”
But his voice was brusque now-angry, but also businesslike. “This isn’t just for me. You’re a part of this community, and you aren’t getting kicked out without discussion. You are far too important to us all-even to the ones who would never admit it. We need you.”
“No one’s kicking me out, Ian.”
“No. Not even you yourself, Wanderer.”
He kissed me again, his mouth rougher with the return of the anger. His hand curled into a fist around my hair, and he pulled my face an inch away from his.
“Good or bad?” he demanded.
“Good.”
“That’s what I thought.” And his voice was a growl.
He kissed me again. His arms were so tight around my ribs, his mouth so fierce against mine, that I was soon dizzy and gasping for air. He loosened his arms a little then and let his lips slide to my ear.
“Let’s go.”
“Where? Where are we going?” I wasn’t going anywhere, I knew that. And yet how my heart pounded when I thought of going away, somewhere, anywhere, with Ian. My Ian. He was mine, the way Jared never would be. The way this body could never be his.
“Don’t give me any trouble about this, Wanderer. I’m half out of my mind.” He pulled us both to our feet.
“Where?” I insisted.
“You’re going down the eastern tunnel, past the field, to the end.”
“The game room?”
“Yes. And then you are going to wait there until I get the rest of them.”
“Why?” His words sounded crazy to me. Did he want to play a game? To ease the tension again?
“Because this will be discussed. I’m calling a tribunal, Wanderer, and you are going to abide by our decision.”
CHAPTER 57.Completed
It was a small tribunal this time, not like the trial for Kyle’s life. Ian brought only Jeb, Doc, and Jared. He knew without having to be told that Jamie must not be allowed anywhere near these proceedings.
Melanie would have to give that goodbye for me. I couldn’t face that, not with Jamie. I didn’t care if it was cowardly of me. I wouldn’t do it.
Just one blue lamp, one dim circle of light on the stone floor. We sat on the edge of the ring of light; I was alone, the four men facing me. Jeb had even brought his gun-as if it were a gavel and would make this more official.
The smell of sulfur brought back the painful days of my mourning; there were some memories that I would not regret losing when I was gone.
“How is she?” I asked Doc urgently as they settled in, before they could get started. This tribunal was a waste of my small store of time. I was worried about more important things.
“Which one?” he responded in a weary voice.
I stared at him for a few seconds, and then my eyes grew wide. “Sunny’s gone? Already?”
“Kyle thought it was cruel to make her suffer longer. She was… unhappy.”
“I wish I could have said goodbye,” I murmured to myself. “And good luck. How is Jodi?”
“No response yet.”
“The Healer’s body?”
“Trudy took her away. I think they went to get her something to eat. They’re working on finding a temporary name she likes, so we can call her something besides the body.” He smiled wryly.
“She’ll be fine. I’m sure she will,” I said, trying to believe the words. “And Jodi, too. It will all work out.”
No one called me on my lies. They knew I was saying this for myself.
Doc sighed. “I don’t want to be away from Jodi long. She might need something.”
“Right,” I agreed. “Let’s get this over with.” The quicker the better. Because it didn’t matter what was said here; Doc had agreed to my terms. And yet there was some stupid part of me that hoped… hoped that there was a solution that would make everything perfect and let me stay with Ian and Mel with Jared in a way that absolutely no one would suffer for. Best to crush that impossible hope quickly.
“Okay,” Jeb said. “Wanda, what’s your side?”
“I’m giving Melanie back.” Firm, short-no reasons to argue against.
“Ian, what’s yours?”
“We need Wanda here.”
Firm, short-he was copying me.
Jeb nodded to himself. “That’s a tricky one. Wanda, why should I agree with you?”
“If it were you, you’d want your body back. You can’t deny Melanie that.”
“Ian?” Jeb asked.
“We have to look at the greater good, Jeb. Wanda’s already brought us more health and security than we’ve ever had. She’s vital to the survival of our community-of the entire human race. One person can’t stand in the way of that.”
He’s right.
Nobody asked you.
Jared spoke up. “Wanda, what does Mel say?”
Ha, Mel said.
I stared into Jared’s eyes, and the strangest thing happened. All the melting and melding I had just been through was shoved aside, into the smallest part of my body, the little corner that I took up physically. The rest of me yearned toward Jared with the same desperate, half-crazed hunger I’d felt since the first time I’d seen him here. This body barely belonged to me or to Melanie-it belonged to him.
There really wasn’t room enough for the two of us in here.
“Melanie wants her body back. She wants her life back.”
Liar. Tell them the truth.
No.
“Liar,” Ian said. “I can see you arguing with her. I’ll bet she agrees with me. She’s a good person. She knows how much we need you.”
“Mel knows everything I know. She’ll be able to help you. And the Healer’s host. She knows more than I ever did. You’ll be fine. You were fine before I was here. You’ll survive, just like before.”
Jeb blew out a puff of air, frowning. “I don’t know, Wanda. Ian’s got a point.”
I glared at the old man and saw that Jared was doing the same. I looked away from that standoff to level a grim glance at Doc.
Doc met my eyes, and his face clenched with pain. He understood the reminder I was giving him. He’d promised. This tribunal didn’t overrule that.
Ian was watching Jared-he didn’t see our silent exchange.
“Jeb,” Jared protested. “There’s only one decision here. You know that.”
“Is there, kid? Seems to me there’s a whole barrel of ’em.”
“That’s Melanie’s body!”
“And Wanda’s, too.”
Jared choked on his response and had to start over. “You can’t leave Mel trapped in there-it’s like murder, Jeb.”
Ian leaned forward into the light, his face suddenly furious again. “And what is it that you’re doing to Wanda, Jared? And the rest of us, if you take her away?”
“You don’t care about the rest of anybody! You just want to keep Wanda at Melanie’s expense-nothing else matters to you.”
“And you want to have Melanie at Wanda’s expense-nothing else matters to you! So, with those things being equal, it comes down to what’s best for everyone else.”
“No! It comes down to what Melanie wants! That’s her body!”
They were both crouched halfway between sitting and standing now, their fists clenched and their faces twisted with rage.
“Cool it, boys! Cool it right now,” Jeb ordered. “This is a tribunal, and we’re going to stay calm and keep our heads. We’ve got to think about every side.”
“Jeb -” Jared began.
“Shut up.” Jeb chewed on his lip for a while. “Okay, here’s how I see it. Wanda’s right -”