Portia struggled to free herself. Her own anger was still riding high. She was weeping with rage and remembered frustration and the sheer joy of knowing that Rufus loved her. She felt it in his hands even through their roughness, and she heard it in his voice despite the savagery of his tone. But she couldn’t distinguish her emotions, and her anger at what had brought them to this place still ruled.
“How could you do this?” she exclaimed, finally wrenching herself from Rufus’s grasp. “Both of you? Hasn’t there been enough killing for one day?” She turned on the stunned Cato with an all-encompassing wave of her hand. “What does it matter if your fathers hated each other? What can that possibly weigh in the scale against your own lives? The lives of your children?”
“Just a minute…” Cato held up a hand in an imperative gesture for silence, but Portia was unstoppable.
“What will happen to Olivia?” she demanded. “If you die in this pointless feud with Rufus, what will happen to your children? Do you think it matters a whore’s curse to them what occurred nearly thirty years ago? They want their father, they need-”
“Hold your tongue!” Cato had recovered his senses and now interrupted her tirade with such force that despite the energy of conviction, Portia stopped midsentence. “I’ll not be spoken to in such fashion by a mere chit of a girl!” he exclaimed. “Where in the devil’s name did you spring from?”
“How could that matter?” Portia waved the question away as she turned on Rufus. Her eyes were green fire; her hair blazed with an energy all its own; her entire body thrummed with the power of her need to stop this madness.
“What of the boys, Rufus?” she demanded. “Are you prepared to leave them orphaned, as you were? Exiled without place or family? Who will they be? What will they have when you’ve given your life for some futile vengeance?”
She saw his eyes, saw the demons spring to life, but she ignored them, stepping close to him, raising her face so that she looked him in the eye and faced down the demons.
“And what of this child, Rufus?” Her right hand rested on her belly. “I am not prepared for my child to come fatherless into this world.”
The flat statement lay between them. Cato took a step back as if standing aside from something that now excluded him.
Rufus heard Portia’s words. He saw her hand resting on her belly. He remembered his mother standing in just that way, protecting the fatherless child she carried. He remembered the infant, his sister, blue, waxen, blood streaked.
“My child?” There was a strange distance to his voice as if he couldn’t quite take it in.
Portia heard only a question mark. “Whose else would it be?” she snapped, aware of a thickness in her throat. “Or did you imagine I’d been consorting with the entire Decatur village?”
There was a moment of silence, when it seemed as if all three of them held their breath in the encroaching darkness.
Then Rufus said quietly, “I deserve much, gosling, but not that.”
Portia turned away with an inarticulate little gesture.
“How long have you known?” Rufus asked, laying a hand gently on her shoulder, asking, not compelling, her to turn back to him.
“Since the siege… just before, I think. But I don’t know much about these matters, so I wasn’t sure.” She half turned toward him again, but her voice still had an edge.
“Why didn’t you tell me, love?”
“First I wasn’t sure… and then when I was, you weren’t exactly receptive,” she returned, wondering why she couldn’t quell this bitterness; why, now that everything was going to be right between them, all the pain of the last two weeks came up to overwhelm her with hurt so that she felt it afresh and she needed to give it back. “You wouldn’t have listened to me that night. Would you?”
“No.” The single word carried a lifetime of remorse. He wanted so badly to hold her, to smooth the hurt from her brow, to wipe the bitterness from her eyes, to beg her forgiveness, but she was holding herself away from him, sharp spurs of pain and anger like a protective fence around her.
“I went into the castle because I wanted… needed… to talk to…” Portia stopped, ran her hands through her hair, pushing it off her forehead. She had run out of anger, and the protective walls tumbled down in shards at her feet.
“Olivia?”
Portia nodded.
Rufus had no words to express his sorrow, but he knew that now he could hold her. He drew her against him, his hand once more clasping her neck in the way that she knew, that brought her so much peace and contentment. “Forgive me,” he said, his voice hoarse with guilt for what he had done to her in his blindness and his bitterness. “I did not know what it was to love until I met you.”
Cato had been standing silently to one side, motionless as he listened. There was much he didn’t understand about the way things had happened between these two, but the power of emotion that connected his brother’s daughter and Rufus Decatur was almost palpable. He sheathed his sword, breaking the intensity with a calm question. “Am I to understand that my niece is carrying your child, Decatur?”
“So it would seem, Granville.” The vivid blue Decatur eyes were slightly mocking as they regarded the marquis of Granville over the bright orange halo surrounding Portia’s head. “It would appear that more than spilled blood will join us.”
“Portia is her father’s child.” Cato’s own smile, slightly sardonic, met the earl of Rothbury’s. “And, like her father, seems to have carved her own destiny without regard for the usual forms and customs. I would like to wish you both joy of each other, Decatur, but I doubt you’d accept the sentiment…” He shrugged and now felt for words.
“My father was not a pleasant man. He believed in doing his duty without consideration for emotion or the ties of sentiment. Your father took a stance against the king… my father accepted the king’s commission to visit justice upon your father.”
Cato gave a short laugh. “It seems ironical in our present circumstances. My father would have had no compunction in delivering me to the headsman for the stand I now take against the king.
“But I do know that every sovereign of revenue from the Rothbury estates is accounted for, from the moment of your father’s death. I ask you to believe that. I cannot undo whatever wrong my father did your father, whether it was real or perceived. But I can forget their feud in the name of this coming child, if you can do so.”
His tone was blunt, the sentiment generous. Rufus felt Portia move against him. He felt the ripples of her skin, the quick little breaths she took. And finally he understood that the demons who had ruled him were not his, they belonged to his father… a man of rash and hasty temper, quick to see insult where none was intended, and as quick to suspect treachery.
Two inflexible temperaments had collided close to thirty years ago, but the detritus of their collision no longer needed to litter the lives of their children and their grandchildren. It would be hard to cut out of himself those aspects of his father that had contributed to the tragedy of so many lost and wasted lives. But he would do it.
Rufus took Portia’s hand. “Will you give your niece in marriage to the earl of Rothbury, Granville?”
“I’m not sure it’s my place to do so.” Cato smiled and his face was transformed, giving him an almost mischievous expression. He reached for Portia’s free hand. “The lady has a mind of her own. Do you wish for this union, Portia?”
“Yes.” The one word seemed quite sufficient.
Rufus felt as if this was the moment toward which all the previous moments of his life had been leading. He felt as light as air. “Then we’ll do it now,” he said decisively. “Granville, will you fetch a chaplain?”
“A drumhead wedding,” Cato mused with that same puckish grin. “Seems appropriate enough for a bride in britches.” He strode toward his horse. “I’ll be back within the half hour.”