Audrey found an off-white satin cocktail dress with crystal beads on the hem, cuffs, and neck. It had long sleeves and looked demure. She found perfect white satin shoes with rhinestone buckles to go with it, and a matching handbag. Tom had just given her a spectacular pair of diamond earrings as a wedding present, and the engagement ring he had given her was a ten-carat cushion cut diamond that knocked Sarah's eyes out when she saw it. Audrey had already decided that she would be carrying a small bouquet of white orchids. She was going to be elegance incarnate.
By five o'clock on their shopping day, Sarah still hadn't found a dress, and was beginning to panic. Her mother insisted she couldn't wear an old black cocktail dress she'd worn to her office Christmas party for the past two years. As the maid of honor, she had to buy something new, and then finally her mother spotted an exceptionally pretty Valentino dress. It was the same brilliant blue as Sarah's eyes. It was satin, strapless, and had a little jacket she could take off after the wedding. Her mother suggested she wear it with high-heeled silver sandals, which looked just right. Her mother was going to have her carry a smaller bouquet of the same white orchids, and she had ordered one for Mimi as well, just so she didn't feel left out. She had boutonnieres for Tom and his sons, and a corsage of gardenias for his daughter. And Audrey had hired a photographer to record it all, in stills and on video. However small the wedding party, she had thought of every detail. And Sarah was relieved to have found a dress she liked. She didn't want to wear something she thought was ugly and would never wear again. The blue dress they'd chosen was the perfect color for her eyes, skin, and hair. It was sexy, as it molded her figure, but at the same time demure, with the jacket, and it had a very low back, which Audrey said looked sensational on her.
“What's with you and Jeff, by the way?” her mother asked casually as they left Neiman's. “Every time I go by the house to drop something off at night or on weekends, he's there. That can't just be about work. What does his girlfriend think of all that devotion to your restoration project?”
“She doesn't,” Sarah said cryptically, juggling her packages as they headed toward the Union Square garage, where they had left their cars.
“What does that mean?” Audrey didn't want her getting into another situation where she'd get hurt, although she liked Jeff a lot.
“They broke up,” Sarah said coolly. She still liked keeping her business to herself, even though she was closer to her mother these days, especially with the wedding approaching. Knowing her mother was moving away soon, Sarah was spending more time with her, and for the first time in years, enjoying it a lot.
“That's interesting. Did they break up because of you?” Audrey considered that a hopeful sign.
“No. Before us.”
“Before ‘us’?” Audrey raised an eyebrow. “Are you and Jeff an ‘us’ these days?” That was news. She had begun to suspect it, but wasn't sure. And Sarah had said nothing. He was just there and always very helpful, courteous, and friendly whenever Audrey dropped by.
“Maybe. We don't talk about it.” That much was true. They just enjoyed each other, without discussing it or putting labels on it. They were both recently out of long-term relationships that hadn't worked, which made them both slightly gun-shy, although they were happy with each other. Happier than she had ever been with Phil, or he with Marie-Louise.
“Why don't you talk about it?” Audrey inquired.
“We don't need to know.”
“Why not?” Audrey persisted. “Sarah, you're thirty-nine years old. You don't have a lot of years to waste on relationships that go nowhere.” She didn't say it, but they both knew Phil had been a dead end for four years.
“There's nowhere I want to go, Mom. I like where I am. So does he. We're not planning to get married.” She always said that, but Audrey had always believed that if she found the right man, she'd change her mind. And maybe this time she had. Jeff appeared to be nice, competent, intelligent, successful, and solid. What more did she want? Sometimes she worried Audrey. She thought Sarah was much too independent for her own good.
“What do you have against marriage?” Audrey asked her as they found their cars and fumbled for their keys in their handbags.
Sarah hesitated for a moment and then decided to be honest. “You and Dad. I don't ever want to be where you were with him. I couldn't do it.” She still had nightmares about it.
Audrey looked worried and lowered her voice conspiratorially. “Does Jeff drink?” Sarah laughed and shook her head.
“No, Mom, he doesn't. Or at least no more than he should. I probably drink more than he does, and I don't drink too much, either. Marriage just looks too complicated to me. All you hear about are people who hate each other, get divorced, pay spousal support, and then hate each other more. Who needs it? I don't. I'm happier like this. As soon as you add marriage to the mix, as far as I can see, you're screwed.” And then she realized what she had said to her mother, on the day they'd bought the dress she was going to wear to her next wedding. “I'm sorry, Mom. Tom is a wonderful guy. So is Jeff. It's just not for me. And I don't think Jeff is so keen on the idea, either. He lived with his last partner for fourteen years, and they never got married.”
“Maybe she was like you. You young women are strange creatures these days. None of you wants to get married. Just us old folks do.”
“You're not an ‘old folk,’ Mom, and you look gorgeous in that dress. Tom is going to faint when he sees you. I don't know, maybe I'm just chicken.” Audrey had tears in her eyes as she listened.
“I'm sorry if your father and I did that to you. Most marriages aren't like that.” With an alcoholic husband who had left her a widow at thirty-nine, the same age Sarah was now.
“No, but too many are. I don't like the odds.”
“Neither did I. But look at me now. I can't wait to do it.” She looked ecstatic, and Sarah was equally so for her.
“Maybe I'll do it when I'm your age, Mom. I'm in no rush in the meantime.”
It made Audrey sad for her, and even more so to think that Sarah might never have children. But she had always said she didn't want any, and even now, with her biological clock ticking, presumably, she was sticking to her guns. No kids. No husband. So far all she had ever desperately wanted was her house. It was her only passion. That and her work, although Audrey suspected she was in love with Jeff and didn't want to admit it. And no matter what she told her mother, Sarah knew she loved him. Which made it all the more terrifying to think about commitment. She wasn't ready. And maybe never would be. For now, it was working for both of them. Jeff wasn't putting any pressure on her. Only Audrey. She wanted everyone to be happy, and in the excitement of her upcoming big moment, she thought everyone should be married, like her and Tom. “Why don't you work on Mimi and George?” Sarah teased her.
“They don't need to get married at their age,” Audrey said, smiling, although they were sweet together and inseparable now.
“Maybe they don't agree. I think you should throw her the bouquet at the wedding. If you throw it at me, I'm throwing it right back at you.”
“I get the message,” Audrey said with a sigh. Sarah knew what she wanted and what she didn't. She was a very stubborn woman.
They each got into their cars then and drove home, relieved that they had found dresses for the wedding. Jeff was talking to the painters when she got home. They were almost finished. So far the renovation had taken six months, and it looked gorgeous. There were still details to attend to, and there would be for a long time. But the house looked beautiful and was very much in order and, thanks to Jeff, had come in way under budget. She had even finished the bookcase she made and it was now full of law books in her study. There was even room for more. Everything about the house was perfect. She had currently been thinking about starting to order curtains, at least for some of the rooms. She was finishing the house bit by bit. And getting it where she wanted. In the fall, she wanted to start looking for furniture at antique auctions. She and Jeff thought it would be fun to go together. He was very knowledgeable about antiques and was teaching her a lot.