Was the house really telling me this, or was it my ridiculous imagination at work again? And if I was threatened, who was threatening me?
“Go to a doctor,” said Toby, his kind eyes full of concern for me.
I thought how easy it would be to tell him all that I feared. He would listen gravely. Strange that I should feel it might be easier to tell him than to tell Joliffe.
With Joliffe away it was easier to think. I tried to look at my situation dispassionately.
Words Adam had once used came floating back to me: “Do you realize the extent of your affairs? Do you understand all that Sylvester has left to you?”
I knew it was a great deal. I knew I had to hold it in trust for Jason, for that was what Sylvester had intended. Adam would have been his guardian and I had had that altered so that Joliffe should be.
And since I had made that change…?
What is happening to me? I asked myself. Why should I feel ill? It is almost as though a curse has been laid on me. What have I done to deserve the wrath of Lottie’s gods?
Or was it not the wrath of the gods I had to fear but the greed of men?
How long the days seemed without Joliffe. He was so vital that when he was with me my fears receded. I felt alive as I never could without him.
Even on this day when the terrible listlessness was upon me and if I sat down for a minute I found myself going off into sleep, I missed him terribly. How dull life would be without him!
Jason was restless too.
“How long is my father going to be away?”
“Only for a day or so,” I told him.
“I wish he’d take me. He will one day. He said so.”
“Yes,” I said. “He’s going to teach you about Chinese Art so that you’ll be able to do what he does when you’re grown up.”
Jason sighed. “It takes such a long time to grow up,” he complained.
He had gone to bed and I retired early. I was very tired and I took a cup of tea before I went to bed.
I had it in my room as I did very often on the days when I was not feeling well. I think some of the servants thought I was in the first stages of pregnancy. I myself had thought the strange sensations I was feeling might be due to this, but it was not the case.
It was something else.
Some strange malady. Toby had said that Europeans were often attacked by unidentifiable ailments when they lived for any length of time in the East. Our bodies would not always adjust themselves to the change. It was as simple as that.
As simple as that! I was just feeling an Eastern malaise and building up an atmosphere of tension and suspicion because of it.
But try as I might I could not shut out of my mind the thought of Bella. If ever anyone was haunted, I was by Bella. She was constantly in my thoughts. What agonies of mind must lead to suicide. It is the finality of life. Behind it is the decision that what lies beyond the grave is more bearable than one’s lot in life. How desperate would one have to be to reach that conclusion?
I drank my tea and soon dropped into a sleep, from which I hoped there would be no dream.
But I dreamed vividly. When only half asleep I seemed to be plunged into some fantastic world.
Bella was there. She was saying: “It’s easy. You let yourself fall… fall…”
“What happened, Bella?” I asked. “Were you alone when you stood by the window?”
“Come and see… Come and see…”
I dreamed that I rose from my bed. She turned and looked at me and her face was horrible… like the face I had seen in that other dream. I knew then what it was that looked at me. It was Death. Bella was going to her death. The face changed and it was Bella as she had been in the park. She said: “I have something to tell you. You won’t like it, but you ought to know.”
“I’m coming… I’m coming,” I cried.
She held out her hand and I took it. She led me along the corridor and up the stairs. Her voice lingered in my ears: “You won’t like it… but you ought to know. Come on,” she whispered. “It’s easy.”
I felt the cold wind on my face. I felt myself gripped firmly. I was leaning out of a window.
I screamed: “Where am I?”
I was wide awake. I turned and saw Joliffe. He was holding me in his arms and Lottie was there.
This was no dream. I was in the topmost room. The window was wide open. I was vaguely aware of a crescent moon shining on the pagoda.
“My God, Jane!” cried Joliffe. “It’s all right, I’m here.”
“What happened?”
“We’ll get you back to bed quickly,” said Joliffe.
He shut the window firmly keeping one arm round me.
I saw Lottie, face pale in the moonlight. She was trembling.
Joliffe picked me up and carried me down to my room. There I sat on my bed and looked at him wonderingly.
“I’ll get you some brandy,” he said. “It’ll do you good.”
“I thought you were away,” I murmured.
Lottie stood by watching with wide eyes.
“I came back an hour ago,” said Joliffe. “I didn’t want to disturb you so I slept in the dressing room.” He was referring to the room which used to be Jason’s, for since Joliffe’s return Jason had moved to a room close by. “I was asleep, and something awakened me. It must have been when you walked out of the room. I was horrified to find your bed empty. I followed you. Thank God I did.”
I glanced at Lottie. She looked like a marionette nodding there.
“I hear too,” she said. “I come too.”
I felt desperately weary. “What time is it?” I asked.
“Nearly one o’clock,” said Joliffe. “Go to bed, Lottie. Everything will be all right now.”
Lottie bowed her head and hurried out.
Joliffe sat on the bed and put his arm about me.
“You walked in your sleep,” he said. “It’s the first time you’ve done that, isn’t it?”
“It’s the first I’ve heard of it.”
He took my hands and looked at me and I could have sworn that was real and fearful anxiety I saw there.
“I had a vivid dream,” I said.
“You were at the window.”
“I dreamed that Bella had taken me there.”
“Oh God, no!”
“Yes, I did.”
“It was a nightmare. You’ve been brooding on all that. It’s over, Jane. It’s done with. Put it behind you. You’re letting it disturb you so that… this could happen to you. It’s finished I tell you.”
I looked up at the money sword hanging over the bed.
“Drink this now,” he said, putting the brandy into my hand.
I obeyed.
“You feel better now,” he said as though willing me.
“I’m tired,” I said. “So tired.”
“You’ll sleep and in the morning you’ll feel better.”
It was true that I was exhausted. There was one thing I wanted and that was to sleep. Everything else could wait for that.
I was aware of Joliffe, bending over me, tucking in the sheets, tenderly kissing my forehead.
I did not awake until late next morning. Lottie told me that Joliffe had given instructions that I was to sleep on.
As soon as I awakened memories of the previous night came rushing back. I had walked in my sleep. It was something I had never done before. I remembered that night when I had awakened to find Sylvester in my room. I had led him back to his room and sat there watching him. “I walked in my sleep,” he had said. “It is something I never did before in the whole of my life as far as I know.”
I felt suddenly horrified. Sylvester had seen the Death figure. He had believed that it was a sign.
A cold shiver ran through my body.
What had happened to Sylvester was happening to me!