Jake reached her in half a second. She felt one warm hand under her arm, the comforting muscular bulk of him beside her. She felt herself lifted and propped. She gripped the edge of the bar with one hand, put her head down and breathed deeply.
“Okay?”
He was better looking than she remembered, his eyes darker, his hair longer. Bella looked up at him, trying to control her breathing. His eyes were red-rimmed. His face is clean though, she thought confusedly and then she slipped off the stool and they fell into each other’s arms, quite naturally. She kept her face against his chest. His arms were tight around her and she felt the tension and sickness she’d carried around with her for the last three weeks fall away.
They held each other for a long moment and then, simultaneously, released their grip. Bella realised she was dangerously near to crying and tried to stretch her eyes wide to stop the drops from falling.
“Are you okay?”
Her ‘yes’ squeaked out and he reached out and put a steadying hand on her arm.
“You’re not okay, you look like you’re about to drop. Here – “
Bella was tucked back onto the bar stool; lifted and set down before she realised what was happening. She gripped the cool edge of the bar, steadying herself. She was too churned up to blush properly but she could feel the heat struggling to surface in her face.
“I’m okay.” She said it again to convince Jake, and herself. “I’m okay. Really, I am. I just had – had a – “
“A wobbly moment?”
She looked quickly at him to see if he was laughing at her. He had a smile on his face but his eyes were kind.
“Don’t worry, Bella.”
She liked the way he said her name. Jake, she thought. His name is Jake.
“We’re both having wobbly moments lately. Believe me, the whole of London is having a two week long, wobbly moment. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
She smiled weakly, feeling a little better.
“Now, can I get you a drink?”
Bella nodded fervently.
“Gin and tonic, please.”
He turned away from her slightly as he gave the order and she studied his profile, covertly. His nose was prominent but matched by a masculine jaw, now faintly smudged with shadow. His hair was thick and fell in a heedless black tangle over his eyes. He was obviously older than her. How much older? The height of him, the breadth of his shoulders, his stubble, the almost invisible creases at the edge of his eyes… Not a smooth-faced boy, after all. She felt breathless again but this time it was nothing to do with fear.
Jake paid for the drinks and folded his battered leather wallet back into his pocket. Bella took the one that he offered her, feeling the cold slippery glass against her fingertips.
“Tell you what, let’s move somewhere more comfortable. You look as if you’re about to fall off that stool.”
Bella laughed but felt embarrassed. She was over the first shaky hurdle but she couldn’t relax, not yet. The ice cubes in her drink chinked against each other as she followed Jake through to the back of the pub. There was a tiny, walled garden at the back, and miraculously, an empty table by the far wall. They sat down opposite each other, smiling across the unsteady table.
“Is the sun in your eyes?”
“No – well, a bit, but –“
“Here, let’s move round a bit – “
“I’ve got some shades – “
They talked over one another, realised simultaneously what they were doing and both laughed. Bella felt a little easier now, her legs steadier beneath her. She looked at him, squinting a little in the bright sunlight and realised again how good looking he was. She lifted the glass to her mouth to cover her sudden intake of breath.
When they were finally settled, there was a moment of silence that threatened to become awkward. Bella cast around frantically for something to say. She was just about to come up with something fatuous about the weather when Jake spoke.
“How are you sleeping?”
The question was so unexpected that for a moment she just gaped at him. Then she tried to answer.
“Well, I – not very well – I mean, it’s not always easy –“
He interrupted her.
“I can’t sleep. I don’t think I’ve been able to sleep properly since it happened.”
For a moment, his face darkened. He looked suddenly forbidding, his dark brows lowered, his shadowed jaw suddenly set. Bella swallowed and tried to think of an answer but he went on.
“I have terrible dreams. They’re the worst – they’re the worst dreams I think I’ve ever had. Or if not ever, then certainly since – “
He stopped talking and lifted his glass to his mouth abruptly.
Bella licked her lips to try and get them to part.
“I have bad dreams too. I don’t dream about the explosion but I dream about the tunnels. I constantly dream that I’m back in the tunnels, walking through the dark.”
He looked at her intently. It was almost as if he was seeing her, really seeing her, for the first time.
“I thought it was just me. Those endless black tunnels, and the dust and the heat and smoke, stumbling over everything, waiting for the next explosion…”
“Yes.”
They looked at each sombrely and then Jake smiled.
“I’m glad to see you. I feel better talking to you, I feel better already.”
“Me too.”
There was another moment of silence but this time, Bella felt no awkwardness. The gin and the sun began to spread a delicious warmth through her body and she relaxed back into the hard slats of the chair. She could hear a pigeon cooing faintly over the noise of the traffic beyond the garden wall.
“Want another drink?”
Jake tipped his glass at her in enquiry. She smiled and reached for her bag.
“Let me get this one.”
He nodded, seemingly pleased. Walking away from him and the bright, sunlight garden, back into the dimness of the pub, she was momentarily blinded. Bella slowed her walk, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness. As she stood at the bar, she was very aware of her legs, trembling slightly beneath her. The alcohol and the heat, the fear and the anticipation were making her giddy. She lifted the fresh, cold glasses and made her way back outside, running through the conversation that they’d just had, thinking back on what she’d said.
“So what do you do?”
She snorted at the question, it sounded so grown-up; as if they were at a dinner party. It was about three drinks later, and they’d moved their seats twice, keeping out of the sun. Bella’s face felt flushed but whether that was the heat, the gin or Jake’s presence across the table she was yet to ascertain.
“What do I do?”
“Yeah.” He was grinning. “What do you do?”
Bella giggled. “Well, nothing really, at the moment. I’m a lily of the field. Or is a rose? Anyway, I neither toil nor spin – or whatever it is that lilies do. Or don’t do.”
“What?”
She paused, momentarily embarrassed.
“I’m looking for work, actually. I just finished uni this summer.” She hesitated at the student slang but Jake seemed not to notice. He was looking at her again with focused intensity, black brows drawn down in a frown of concentration. Nervousness made her stutter.
“That’s what – I mean, that’s why I was in London. On the seventh. I had an interview in the West End, an admin role at a big media company. Oh, I’ve already told you that. But that’s why I was in London, that’s why I was on the tube in the first place. I mean, I never should have been there in any case but I’d just got a call from the agency the day before and I thought, great, finally, something I might actually be able to do, you know, with a useless arts degree, and I was so fed up of being back home again, having no freedom after having so much, so I just said yes and the next day I took the train up to London and I got on the tube, I was running late so I ran for it and I didn’t think I would make it, but I did…”