“The rest of you will each be assigned a floor. Bill, Graye, and Banner, you three will cover the grounds around the hospital. Anyone leaves, you tail them. Call for back up if they spread more than the three of you can keep an eye on.”
“Dr. Beeson will be bringing hand-held radios any moment for each of you. You’re to check in on an hourly basis. They will report directly back to myself and Royce. I don’t have to say that if you see something suspicious, you report it immediately.”
“I really don’t like this,” I said once again under my breath.
“Yeah,” Avian said back. “I think everyone has a bad feeling about this.”
I was torn between duty and curiosity.
Avian and I were in charge of watching the first floor, from the time we woke, until the time the newcomers were herded back to the fourth floor at night.
My assignment was to watch. To make sure nothing happened, that no one got out of line.
But I wanted to know what was going on.
Margaret and Royce spent most of their time on the sixth floor, in his office. Elijah stood constant guard alone just outside Royce’s door.
I wanted to know what they were talking about. I wanted to make sure Royce didn’t spill our secrets, even though I trusted him not to. I wanted to hear what was happening to the world outside of New Eden.
But I wouldn’t abandon my duties.
I finally had a job.
I hung back in the lobby, watching. We’d moved the elementary and other school classes to the empty third floor. While Lin and the other teachers conducted class an armed guard stood watch over them. The dozen people who were employed in the operation of New Eden worked as usual in the lobby, but these outsiders slowly wandered, watching, asking questions.
I was proud of those around me. They were careful. They watched what they said.
But I had a bad feeling that eventually someone was going to slip up.
I looked up when West stepped into the lobby. West met my gaze for a moment when he spotted me. He shook his head nearly imperceptibly before his attention turned to the outsider who approached him.
I watched very carefully as West talked.
I’d had trust issues with West ever since the day I caught him stealing food from Eden. But back then those trust issues had only been important between the two of us.
Could I still trust him to keep our people and our secrets safe?
By the fifth day, I was so agitated I could hardly stand it. I felt cooped up and blind. I felt in the dark and out of the loop.
“You okay?” Avian asked as we switched places. We took shifts, either at the front of the hospital, with the lobby and restrooms, or the back, with the kitchens and medical wing.
“I just want them to leave,” I said, my eyes sweeping the hallway.
“Two more days,” he said quietly. He placed his hand on the back of my head and pressed a kiss to my brow.
“I can’t stand this,” I said, shaking my head. “I need out. I need trees and mountains. I need—”
“Hey,” Avian cut me off, pulling me into his arms. “It’s okay.”
“No,” I said. It felt like something wild and dangerous was in my throat, quickly rising up, choking me. “It’s not. I need out. I can’t breathe.”
“Whoa,” Avian said, stepping back just a bit so he could look down into my face. “Eve, if you need a break, I’m sure we could tell Elijah. He’ll find someone to fill in.”
“I don’t need a break,” I said, my voice sounding disgusted. I instantly felt ashamed at myself. “Forget what I said. I’m…fine.”
“Eve, you’re obviously not fine,” he said, concern flooding his face. “You’ve been on the verge of a lash-out for the last week. It’s understandable that moving into the city and having all these adjustments would be hard on you.”
I shook my head, the back of my eyes stinging. My line of sight rose to the ceiling and I couldn’t look back at Avian because I felt so disgusted with myself. “I am not that weak. I am not that human.”
“Eve,” Avian said, his voice hard and stern. It took me off guard enough to meet his eyes again. “You are human. And it is okay.”
“I’m going to talk to Dr. Beeson,” I said, taking a step away from him, my eyes falling to the floor this time. “This last adjustment was too much. You two were right. I can’t handle any more of these.”
Avian stopped short. Everything in his posture and stance said that he didn’t know what to say.
Gathering myself, I turned and headed back toward the kitchen.
An hour after the outsiders went to bed, I lied down, staring up at the dark ceiling. I was working very hard to not think or feel anything.
My door opened but I didn’t bother turning to see who it was. A warm body slipped into the bed next to me, strong arms circling my waist. I numbly turned on my side and rested my head on Avian’s chest.
“I understand how hard you are trying to be empathetic with West,” he said in a low voice. “And how you’re trying your best to be like the rest of us. I know you’re trying to understand the crazy emotions we all have to deal with.”
He pressed his lips into my hair, gathering me tighter against his body. He took several deep breaths and I realized the way I had been behaving the last week had not been hard on me alone.
“But you seem to think that you need to rediscover who you are now that you know the truth about your origins.”
He pulled away from me slightly so he could meet my eyes. His own burned with intensity. “Eve, there is nothing wrong with who you are. With the way you are. You are you, Eve, and not anyone else. You’re tough and you’re stubborn, and you don’t always understand emotions and what you or everyone else is feeling, but that is part of who you are.
“I fell in love with a girl who was okay with not fully understanding her past. I fell in love with a girl who stood on her own and owned her present and future. That is who you are, Eve. You don’t need to be anyone else, for anyone else.”
For the second time in my life, I felt a bead of moisture rolling down my cheek.
Not because Avian had made me sad or hurt my feelings.
But because I had never had that much acceptance of myself. I had never thought someone could fully love me the way I was—twisted, manipulated, and engineered.
He was right. I didn’t need to rediscover who I was. I didn’t need to change into someone different. That was betraying myself. That was the worst kind of self-loathing I could imagine.
I pressed my forehead to Avian’s and breathed for a moment, emotions swelling in my chest. This time, I didn’t mind them.
“I am not me without you,” I said. “Thank you for always standing by my side.”
Avian brushed his lips against mine. His hand pressed into the back of my neck, his fingers tangling in my hair.
It took a man capable of an immeasurable amount of understanding to strip away the insecurities I’d felt after learning what I was. It took a man capable of loving me until the end of the world to make me accept myself.
And I would move heaven and hell to keep him.
Always.
I breathed a little easier the next morning. I just had to survive today and tomorrow and then these outsiders would leave.
And then Dr. Beeson would have time to fix me. To make me me again. And maybe I wouldn’t have a nuclear meltdown.