Everyone found this so hilarious, nobody could speak for a full thirty seconds.
"Oooh honey, you took the words right out of my mouth," said David.
"And the food too, the lyin' little cheat!" said one of his loyal homo-patrons.
Hazily, Valerie reviewed all her squat and subjugated positions in the bedroom, and glanced at the mirror again, then back to the jeering faces. Then she went very white and let out a long, bloodcurdling scream that was rather like the mating call of the caribou, following this up with a series of hoarse groans and convulsive fits and starts of growling humiliation. "Oh you… you lousy fuckin' sonofabitch…!" She was so beside herself she forgot to lisp… "You won't get away with this! My God, after what I did for you… I took you in and… and I… "
"… And you sold my ass down the drain, is that what you're trying to say?" said David. "Why you stinkin' little crook, you robbed me blind… and this seven-fifty of what you earned for me today is probably-just a fourth of what you've been piling up, you pig!.. What the hell ever happened to the whores with a heart of gold?"
Valerie went even more panicky as she saw her tittering audience leave one by one. The mention of cash had struck a nerve, driving her slightly off-center. "Ooh, you bastard, give me that money… it's mine!" She dashed across the room and sprang at David, just as he slipped the last of the checks and bills into his pocket. She began fighting him like a wildcat. No passion, no lusty ambivalence. Nothing but hatred, and pure unadulterated greed. Nor did David derive any excitement from another wrestling-match with her. Brute force was now in order, and for no other reason except to enforce all the laws of his decision. He pinned her arms behind her back and carried her squealing and kicking into the bedroom, where he hurled her onto the bed and momentarily incapacitated her by burying her under a mountain of bedding. Then, after picking up his clothes, he grabbed the key out of the door and slammed it shut, locking her inside.
Valerie pounded and kicked at the door, screaming out curses as he hurriedly got into his clothes… "Any show put on in my house I get paid for!.. do you hear me… I'm the boss here! Oh you motherfuckin' cock-suckin' thief!.. I hustled up every single one of those Johns… they were my customers… so every cent of that money's mine!.. aw, I'm gonna ruin you for this!.. Wait till the Montclairs hear about you, baby!.. Wait till I put the squeeze on your wife and your whole fuckin' family!"
"Try it, sweetie, and I'll send this tape of our performance to the Vice Squad!"
"What tape?"
"Look under your bed and see the empty recorder."
There was silence for a moment and he knew she was searching under the bed, after which ensued another series of sputtering screams and violent new kicks at the door.
"I'll also send the Police your address," he said, "and briefly mention your line of work, which they can easily verify when they see the stag-film you just made, with my face carefully edited out of the whole picture, naturally…"
David went out and slammed the door. But could still hear her agonizing wails as he walked down the hall…
"That's my Goddamned money!.. oh help me, someone…! Help me… I've been robbed! Sonsa-bitchin' thieves… Come back here with… my… money!"
That Valerie! She sure was a sore loser.
David Fortune drove home slowly, thoughtfully, beginning to wonder which had come first, his thorough disenchantment with the life of a stud-hustler, or his growing failure to cope with the pressures it brought to his bodily fluids. It was no work for a man, despite the fast monetary rewards. Luckily, it had all happened before his ninety days of grace ran out, so Montclair hadn't yet set the wheels of his destruction in motion.
He didn't suppose he'd ever go back to All-Planet Insurance after all he'd said to the old guy, but perhaps he could let Montclair know he was eager for another similar position, even making use of those references he'd offered when applying for a new job. What else could he do?
Pensively, David supposed his dull little world and sweet mediocre wife were still intact after all. Nothing had really changed in that bulwark of domesticity he called home, so he'd lost nothing-except his pride, his virility-at least temporarily-and his peace of mind. But would he ever be able to block out all that feverish imagery that was now locked so indelibly in his mind? Ever forget that exquisite insidious dragon-lady who showed him the ropes? Bye-bye, Valerie, and bang-bang, Valerie… Because I'll be wagging myself to the horny tune of you for the rest of my life…
When he got home he was relieved to see that Linda was away for the afternoon so he could nap and recover. Then at dinner that night David was confronted with a brand new shock: he really saw his wife for the first time in months. She'd been wearing her clothes quite loose for several weeks, so as not to show, wanting to put off that eventual sticky discussion with her husband. But with one gaping glance, David suddenly knew.
Now the dregs of remorse truly flooded in on this boy as he wracked himself over the coals of guilt, wondering how he'd ever be worthy of the bravest, noblest little woman of them all! Good God!.. All these weeks while he was becoming a whore, she was becoming a mother! How could he ever face her and make himself forget all he'd done to destroy their future, while she was giving her life's blood to build up their little family and enrich all their horizons? He thought of all the dirt he'd just stepped out of coupled with the sweet path of diapers and baby-talcum that stretched ahead for her, and he felt he could die with his shame.
Later, when the children were asleep, he went quietly to her side and gave her cheek a kiss. "Oh honey, I'm on to your little secret now… why didn't you tell me? Did you think I'd be angry?"
"Hmmm?… What, what… who… how?" Linda went so alert for danger that she twitched a little. He knows, she thought-this is it! I'll leave town… Change my name…!
"I mean, accidents will happen," he said, grinning down at her.
Linda sighed and wanted to cross herself. "Oh… yes, David… yes, that's exactly how it happened. Even modern contraception can slip out… up!.. I mean slip up now and then, and I know we agreed not to have any more children…"
"Now Linda, stop apologizing!" he said, comrade-fingers at her cheek and chucking. "I'm glad, and I want you to know that. You don't know how proud you've made me, and how… Well, how exhilarated and happy I feel. Gosh, I can't wait to hold the little fella in my arms!"
The next day David went into San Francisco and had a brief interview with his father-in-law, who seemed happy-as-a-bride to see him. The old man wouldn't hear of his working for another insurance firm, now that he was so willing to return to the fold. "With your tail between your legs, my boy?" Wilbur inquired with a gloating eagerness.
"With my tail right where it fits the most, Sir," David replied. "At home."
"Splendid, then we'll see to it that you get a new and exalted post, not to mention a raise, which, of course, I've just mentioned, haven't I?"
David waited while Montclair made out a generous check for him, a salary-advance. Then this jubilant gentleman almost danced as he escorted his resurrected son-in-law to the door. "Glad to have you back with your nose to the grindstone, my boy, right where it belongs!" And David winced a little as Wilbur slapped him a squeezing hard thump on his used-up posterior. "Naughty boy! Been dipping down into the fleshpots, eh? Oh David, how often I thought of you during the Christmas party! Missed you, you scallawag!"
"Well, I missed you too, Mr. Montclair… I just wasn't myself…"