"So it is. Take it or leave it. After all, a proud, fierce adventurer like yourself shouldn't mind a few small stinks, now should he?"
Eudoric sighed. "Well, I shall imagine myself back in that prison cell in Pathenia. It stank even worse. I'll get word to Ulfred and his lass."
Dawn, a fortnight later, saw Eudoric riding with Jillo's younger brother, a simple farm hand named Theovic Godmarson, to the home of Ulfred the Unwashed. Since Ulfred had been told by a fortuneteller that he would die of a tisic caught while bathing, the goodman had forsworn all external contact with water. His only child had adopted the paternal habit.
Yet Bertrud Ulfredsdaughter would, if cleaned up, have been a handsome girl. As Eudoric noted when he swung her up to ride pillion on Theovic's mount, some would even deem her beautiful.
Eudoric and his helper took a roundabout path from Arduen to the wilderness of Bricken, in order to avoid the demesne of his old foe Baron Rainmar. Eventually they overtook Jillo, driving an Oversized farm wagon to which was affixed a monstrous cage.
At the edge of Bricken Forest, Eudoric left Jillo and the vehicle, for beyond this point there were no passable roads. Loading the tackle and supplies on his horse's back, Eudoric led his mount into the leafy gloom, while Theovic and Bertrud trailed behind.
After an hour of searching among the trees, watching cautiously to avoid the nearly-invisible webs of the giant spiders, Eudoric chose a spot near an effluent of the Lupa. Here grew a grand old beech, with boughs near the ground for easy climbing. Here they pitched their camp.
Rigging the net took the rest of the day. Eudoric and Theovic, with Bertrud's help, attached the net by slip knots to the higher branches of the beech and to two other trees, so that one pull on the release lanyard would bring the whole thing down. Leaden weights along the edges of the net assured that, when it fell, it would envelop the prey.
The net was heavy and the day, hot. By the time they had completed their task, Eudoric and Theovic were soaked in sweat. They threw themselves down on the soft leaf mold and lay for a time listening to the buzz and chirp of insects.
"I'm for a bath," said Eudoric. "You, too, Theovic? Bertrud, if you go round yonder bend in the stream, you'll find a pool where the stream is gentle and you can wash in privacy. 'Twould do you no scathe."
"Me, wash?" said the girl. " 'Tis an unwholesome habit. An ye'd risk your death of cold, 'tis your affair."
During the night, Eudoric heard the snort of a unicorn. The next morning, therefore, he caused Bertrud to sit at the base of the beech, while he and Theovic climbed the tree and waited. Peering through the bronze-green leaves, Eudoric held the lanyard that would release the net. Betrud languidly waved away the cloud of flies that seemed to be her permanent escort.
When it arrived, in the afternoon, the unicorn did not look much like the dainty creatures, half horse and half gazelle, shown on tapestries in the Emperor's palace. Its body and limbs were like those of a buffalo, six feet tall at the shoulder hump, while its huge, warty head bore some resemblance to that of a gigantic boar. The twisted horn arose from its forehead above the eyes.
The unicorn approached the massive beech, beneath which Bertrud sat. The beast moved cautiously, or 3 step at a time. When it was almost under the net, it halted, sniffing with flaring nostrils and baring huge canines more suitable to a beast of prey than a hoofed plant-eater.
The unicorn sniffed some more. Then it threw up its head and uttered a colossal grunt, as loud as a lion's roar but more guttural. It rolled its eyes and pawed the earth with cloven hooves.
"Bertrud!" Eudoric called. "It's going to charge! Climb the tree, quickly!"
As the unicorn bounded forward, the girl, who had watched it with growing dismay on her soil-caked face, scrambled to her feet and swarmed up into the low branches. The beast skidded to a halt, glaring about with bloodshot eyes.
Eudoric pulled the lanyard; but as the net began to fall, the unicorn sprang forward again, swerved to miss the tree, and continued on. One of the leaden weights struck the unicorn's rump as the net descended.
With a frightful bellow, the unicorn whirled, champing its tusks. Seeing no foe, it galloped off into the forest. The crashing and the drumming died away.
When the unicorn-hunters were back on the ground, Eudoric said: "That settles it! Baldonius said these creatures be sensitive to odors. You, my dear Bertrud, have odor for six. Theovic, you shall go to Hessel manor to buy a cake of soap and a large sponge. Here's money."
"Wouldn't ye rather go and leave me to guard the lass, me lord?" said Theovic with a cunning gleam in his pale-blue eyes.
"Nay. Were I recognized, Rainmar would have his bully-boys after us; so keep a close mouth whilst there. Go, and with luck you'll be back for dinner."
Sighing, Theovic saddled his horse and trotted off. With a trembling lip, Bertrud asked: "What—what will ye do to me, sir? Am I to be beaten or raped?"
"Nonsense, wench! I won't hurt a hair of your head. Think not that, because I have a 'Sir' before my name, I go about bullying my lather's people."
"What will ye do, then?"
"You shall see."
"Ye mean to wash me, that's what! I'll not endure it! I'll run away into the wildwood—"
"With unicorns and other uncanny beasts lurking about? Methinks not."
"I'll show thee! I go—"
She started off at random. When Eudoric imitated the grunt of the unicorn, Bertrud shrieked, ran back, and threw her arms around Eudoric's neck. Eudoric firmly unpeeled her, saying:
"When you're nice and clean and the unicorn's caught, then, if you're fain to play such games, we shall see."
Theovic returned at sunset with a bundle. "Here's your soap and all, me lord. Jillo asked after you, and I told him things were going well."
Since Bertrud was busy cooking their supper, Eudoric let the bath go until morning. Then, stripped to his breech clout and with gleeful help from Theovic, he pushed and hauled Bertrud, struggling and weeping, down to the stream. They pulled off her skirt and blouse and forced her, shrieking, into the water.
"Gods, that's cold!" she cried. " 'Twill spell the death of me!"
" 'Tis the best we have, my lady," said Eudoric, scrubbing vigorously. "By the Divine Pair, you have layers of dirt over layers of dirt! Hold still, damn your arse! ... Hand me the comb, Theovic. I'd get some tangles out of this hair ere washing it ... All right, I can manage the rest. It's time you fed the horses."
Looking disappointed, Theovic started back towards the camp. Eudoric continued soaping, scrubbing, and ducking his victim, who by now was too cowed to complain.
"Now," he said, "does that feel so dreadful?"
"I—I know not, sir. 'Tis a feeling I never have had before. But I'm cold; let me warm myself against you. My, bean't ye the strong fellow, though?"
"You're no weakling yourself," said Eudoric, "after the struggle we had to get you into the water."
" I work hard. There's none to do the chores but me, since me mother ran away with that pedlar. What thews!"
She felt his biceps, inching closer until their bodies touched. Eudoric felt his blood stir.
"Now, now, my dear," he said, "after the brute's captured, not before." When she continued her explorations, he barked: "I said nay!" and pushed her away.
He pushed harder than he intended, so that she fell backwards and got another ducking. When she scrambled up, her expression had changed.
"So!" she said. "The high and mighty knight won't look at a poor peasant lass! Too grand for aught but them perfumed, painted whores of the courts! Ye may take them all to Hell with you, for all of me!"