Eudoric smiled grimly. "You, Yolanda, would never let any man enslave you. If aught, you'd insist that the usual spousely roles be reversed."
"Fair enough, were't not?"
"Certes, if you could find a suitable man: some human rabbit who'd jump at your bidding."
"I could never be happy with such a witling."
"Then belike you'll never be happy, short of mating with some hero of legend like Sigvard Dragonslayer; and Sigvards are in short supply. Philosophically, as my old tutor Baldonius says, you may have right on your side but as a practical means of achieving your wishes—"
"Practical! There speaks the tradesman! No man of truly azure blood would trouble his head with thoughts of practicality!"
Eudoric shrugged. "Suit yourself, Your Royal Highness. I do but try to see beyond the end of my nose—as your sire did not. He hanged so many rebellious peasants that the next year famine swept Franconia, for want of hands to till the soil."
"I tire of this dispute," she said.
"So, my dear, do I." They rode in silence.
XV – Stultified Seduction
Where the road from Turonax to Carnutis crosses the river Ust by a rickety bridge, Yolanda said: "Eudoric, we haven't bathed since we left Ysness. Clothar has tried to persuade his courtiers to bathe at least once a fortnight, but so far with little success."
"A worthy idea!" said Eudoric. "If we lead the animals round yon river bend, we can unfoul ourselves out of sight of the bridge."
A quarter-hour later, they found a spot with space ashore to set down their apparel and a clean, sandy river bottom before them. As Eudoric and Forthred began to shed their jackets, Yolanda said:
"Ho there! I cannot expose myself before a person of Forthred's low degree!"
"Mean you that, were he a count or baron, 'twere all right? Where draw you the line? Would a mere knight—"
"Oh, cease your quibbling, Shorty! Forthred, lead the animals back around the bend and tether them out of sight of your master and me. If you are fain to wash whilst we do, that's your affair."
Eudoric resented Yolanda's issuing orders to Forth-red, as if he were her servant; but, not wishing to provoke another tirade, he said nothing. He liked clean-cut lines of authority.
Another quarter-hour, and he and Yolanda were standing waist-deep in the water, scrubbing themselves with handfuls of sand. Yolanda said: "You should have thought to get soap in Ysness."
"Aye, so I should. Failing that, I should have spent hours hunting for soapwort by the roadside. And I ought to be King of Locania, which indeed I might have been had the parents of a forebear of mine been legally wed."
"I'm sorry; I mean not to chide you."
Encouraged by her occasional efforts to be companionable, Eudoric remarked: "You're a fine figure of a woman, Yolanda."
"It rejoices me that you think so. When we reach lands where—"
"Ahoy there!" shouted a rough voice. Standing on the shore where they had left their clothes stood eight men-at-arms, five of them aiming cocked crossbows. The speaker, a burly, red-bearded fellow, shouted: "Come ashore instanter, ye twain!"
"What shall we do?" whispered Yolanda. "From their badges, those are Dorelia's men!"
"I fear we must obey," muttered Eudoric. "We're at their mercy. The range is too short to miss. If we run, we get bolts in the back, and the river's too shallow to escape by swimming under water."
"Well?" reared Redbeard. "Art coming? Or would ye fain be the butts at target practice?"
"Coming," said Eudoric. He and Yolanda dawdled towards the shore while one of the men consulted a piece of parchment, saying:
"Aye, these are the genuine twain whereof Bishop Grippo hath written our master: a vagabond from the Empire, hight Eudoric, and the King's sister, the witch Yolanda. These match the description, and those tethered beasts we passed must bear their baggage."
"Hold your aim steady!" said one of the cross-bowmen. "Shoot if the witch begin to utter a spell, lest we be turned to swine."
"That were small change," said Yolanda.
Redbeard laughed. "Fear nought; she cannot work magic, standing naked in running water without her potions and devices."
"Sirrah!" As she reached the shore, Yolanda addressed the redbeard. "It is not proper for persons of your rank to see a royal princess unclad. Pray turn your backs whilst I do clothe myself!"
Redbeard guffawed. "Since we've already seen all there is to see, what were the point? Methinks ye could give a lusty man a lively canter."
"You dare, you scum!" cried Yolanda, bringing her palm against Redbeard's cheek with force enough to stagger him.
"So!" he shouted, and slapped her back.
For a heartbeat, Yolanda's expression was of pure amazement; as if she had never before been struck in her life. Then she brought up a fist in a whistling arc against the soldier's jaw. Redbeard went sprawling.
"Seize her!" he shouted, scrambling up. "Hugo! Dagobert! Yare! For that, my lady fair, we'll have a tryout in the saddle. Toss the wench on her back and hold her down! Back off there, Master what's-your-name, or you'll get a bolt in the guts!"
Throwing Yolanda supine proved easier said than done. She gave Dagobert a punch in the solar plexus that sent him staggering off doubled over, and Hugo got a fist on the nose that started a runnel of blood.
But two of the arbalesters laid down their weapons and joined Hugo in seizing the woman.
As Yolanda struggled in the hands of the soldiers, and Redbeard fumbled with the fastenings of his breeks, Eudoric's mind raced. If he sprang upon Redbeard, his match in height and weight, could he swing the fellow around as a shield? Or could he dive for his scabbarded sword before the crossbows shot him?
A call in a foreign language wafted around the river bend. A swarm of formidable black-and-yellow hornets filled the air with their buzz and fell indiscriminately upon the eight soldiers and the two bathers. As the pair holding Yolanda released her to bat at the insects, Eudoric seized her wrist and dragged her back into the Ust.
"Take a deep breath and hold it!" he shouted, and threw himself backwards. As he submerged, the hornets that had alighted upon him flew away. When he brought his face out long enough for a quick breath, he saw that Yolanda had likewise gone under.
A glance to shoreward showed the eight soldiers, staggering back upstream towards the bridge, still slapping and yelling. As Eudoric watched, one of them fell, crawled a few paces, and then lay, rolling and thrashing. Presently his movements ceased.
Eudoric nudged Yolanda. When she raised her head, he whispered; "Methinks they're gone."
Again they waded ashore. Yolanda was hardly recognizable, with a face so red and swollen that her eyes were nearly shut, and her body marked with angry scarlet swellings. The knuckles of her right hand bled from the blow she had landed on Dagobert's metal-studded leather coat. Eudoric supposed that he looked much the same.
The fallen soldier lay still with eyes staring blankly, as Forthred approached from around the bend, saying:
"Are ye all right, Sir Eudoric and my lady? Oh, pox! They stung you also!"
Through swollen lips, Yolanda mumbled: "Forthred, didst unpack my magical gear and work the spell with the green vase?"
"Aye, Your Highness. I was out in the river, washing, when the soldiers came by. They'd seen our beasts; they tied their own near the end of the bridge and, leaving one man to watch the horses, came down the river path afoot. I crouched low in the water, so they saw me not. I'd watched Your Highness work your spell aforetime, with the ogre; so I got out the gear and did as nearly as I could remember."