"You have been released from an enchantment," said Eudoric, "which my—which your wife, the Princess Yolanda, cast upon you."
"And who are ye?" said Gontran, glowering.
"Sir Eudoric Dambertson of Arduen. This is the room in Yolanda's palace where she keeps her magical equipment."
"And what do ye here?" persisted Sir Gontran.
"I've brought Yolanda back from captivity in Armoria."
"Where's the hussy now?"
"She's in Letitia but is expected home for dinner."
Gontran's forehead wrinkled in thought. "Count Sugerius! Methinks I know you from aforetime. What do ye here?"
"The same as ye, Sir Gontran. I was her third husband; and when she tired of me, she cast a spell of immobility upon me and set me up here with you and Master Landwin, the sweet singer ye see beside me."
"Sir Landwin, if you do not mind," said the troubadour.
"By the toenails of the Holy Trinity!" roared Gontran. "Meanst that ye twain enjoyed her after my ensorcellment?"
"If'enjoy' be the word precise," said Landwin. "I know not the full tale of your several tenures as Yolanda's husbands, but from mine own experience I'll warrant it was no bed of rose petals. You are Eudoric Dambertson, are you not?"
"Aye. Sir Eudoric, now."
" Tis an unanticipated pleasure to meet you again, if under such strange circumstances. How fare your family?"
"Alive and reasonably well," said Eudoric, "albeit my sire has given up the hunt."
The troubadour turned to the scholar. "Count Sugerius! Your servant, sir. What befell you in wedlock with Yolanda?"
Sugerius replied: "She found the role of a scholar's wife prolixious and took a lover. When I learned of this, in a rage I slapped her. 'Twas as ill-chosen an act as punching the nose of a tigress; she beat me to a jelly ere casting a spell upon me. How was't with vou?"
"Much the same," said Landwin, "but I never struck her. She caught me futtering a chambermaid and threw me out the window; she hath the thews of a blacksmith. I essayed to flee the grounds, but she sent marids after me. Being swifter than greyhounds afoot, they caught me and dragged me back. She threatened to cast upon me a spell of impotence. When I essayed a second time to flee, she did unto me the same as to you."
"I had strife with her, too," said Gontran. "She sought to confine me to this palace, save when we rode abroad together. When I defied her, she bloodied my nose with her fist; wherefore, being a hardened warrior, I knocked her down. Howsomever—Sir Eudoric, what do ye here, in Yolanda's absence? Are ye her hireling?"
"Nay," said Eudoric. "I should have departed for my home in Locania, but that she keeps me mewed up here, guarded by her demon servants."
"And why should she do that?" asked Sugerius. "Are ye her lover?"
"Nay, her current husband. Methinks that—
"By the gods of the Saracens!" cried Landwin. "Four husbands! Here's an intrinse knot to unravel! The Franconian laws permit but one spouse at a time, to my mind a foolish, archaic prejudice. The Saracens are wiser. Sir Eudoric, has it ever come to fisticuffs betwixt you twain?"
Eudoric shook his head. "I was brought up never to strike a woman, albeit at times with Yolanda the temptation has been strong. I daresay I could hold my own in a box match with her, for all that she has the advantage of height and reach, I've seen her knock down a man of my size."
Landwin leered. "Tell me, co-husbands, how found you Yolanda as a bedmate? Come, there's no need for reticence amongst us in the matter."
"I found it interesting," said Sugerius judiciously, "that a woman of so voluptuous a form should seem to have so little interest in the carnal act. She submitted with good grace, but methinks she gat no joy therefrom. I am writing a book on amorous passion in women. How with you, Sir Landwin?"
"I, too, found her cold," said the poet. If you'll pardon my boast, I count myself proficient beyond the moiety in the art of bringing a woman to the vertex of passion; but with Yolanda, I might as well have plied my skills on one of the statues in her gardens. Meseerned her thought was: Hurry up and get it over with, thou apish buffoon! Therefore I sought others who might, I hoped, display more ardor. I had minded less, save that she sought to mew me up here as she did Lord Gontran. Sir Gontran?"
"I pay no heed to such matters," grunted Gontran. "A warrior true hath no time for fancy courtship ere sheathing his blade. I leave such japes to counterfeit knights, who claim the dignity of 'sir' without a single manslaying to their credit."
Landwin's lips compressed and his nostrils quivered at the insult, but he turned to Eudoric. "And you, Sir Eudoric? How fares it with you?"
"It is my opinion," said Eudoric carefully, "that Yolanda's passion be not for the rites of love but for the aggrandizement of power. She submits to her husbands' desire, neither for love nor for lust, but to keep them where she can rule them best. She approved a proposal of the leader of the Jacks, to give equal rights to women."
Gontran snorted. "How utterly ridiculous!"
" 'Tis not at all ridiculous," said Sugerius. "I have deeply studied the female mind. Somewhat to my surprise, I found it, not the same as the male, but on balance quite as able."
With a disdainful sniff, Gontran turned to Eudoric. "Do ye adhere to such nonsense?"
Eudoric smiled. "In foreign lands, I dispute not matters of religion or politics. I fear, howsomever, that Yolanda gives the doctrine of women's equality a bad name."
"Exactly!" said Landwin. "She were never satisfied with mere equality; she'd reduce any man in her grip to total subservience." The poet paused, beating time with a finger, then burst into verse:
"What perplexes me," he continued, "is why, if she care so little for amorous congress, she's so furiously jealous if her man cast a friendly eye upon another. Hath she, think you, a passion to conceive?"
"I think not," said Sugerius. "If none of us four hath impregnated her despite our valiant efforts, either she's naturally barren or employs a spell against conception."
Eudoric: "Meseems 'tis but another aspect of Yolanda's drive for power. If her man fail to tup her often, or a fortiori if his roving eye alight on a rival, he is slipping out of her grasp. That she cannot endure."
"Howsomever," said Landwin, "entrancing though this discussion be, we must needs agree upon which of us shall be husband-in-fact, and that ere her return."
"We could play cards—you have playing cards, have you not?—or throw dice," said Eudoric. "But should the winner be high man or low?"
Sugerius fumbled in his robe and put on his spectacles. Gravely he said: "Ah, Sir Eudoric, I do perceive your import. Each of us might conclude that the pains of union with Yolanda exceed the pleasures. Twere like a foot race, wherein the prize doth go to the last to finish. Ye'd see all the runners hopping up and down on the starting line, each waiting for the others to outdistance him."
"Well," said Landwin, "we could take turns—be husband-of-the-day in rotation, like a relay race. Since she's more than a match for any one of us, belike by confronting her in succession we could wear her down."
"Ye jackanapes!" said the count. "Ye know the court would never permit such doings."
Gontran growled: "A manlier way were to fight it out. We'll choose two pairs by lot, who'll fight to the death. The two survivors shall then meet—"
"Ho!" said Landwin. "That were unfair! The count is well on in years, and I'm a poet, not a bully-rook. You'd cleave me in twain with that monstrous thing you bear!"