It occurred to me that the great lack in the lives of both Polly and Eff was a baby of their own. Babies seemed to be very desirable creatures—even Fabian had wanted one.
I remember very well an occasion two days after the funeral. Polly and I were going back to the rectory the next day. Polly had been making the most of our last day and she had taken me "up West," which meant the west end of London.
We were in the kitchen. I was seated by the fire and I was so sleepy that I dozed off.
Vaguely I heard Polly say, "Look at Drusilla. She's half asleep already. Well, we did a bit of traipsing about, I can tell you." Then I really did doze.
I awoke suddenly. Eff and Polly were at the table, a big brown earthenware teapot between them.
Eff was saying, "I reckon I could take two more people in here."
"I don't know what Father would have said, you taking in lodgers."
"They call them paying guests ... in the sort of place I'll have. Did you know, Poll, the Martins next door are going and I reckon I could take on that place."
"Whatever for?"
"More paying guests, of course. I reckon I could make a real business out of this, Poll."
"I reckon you could."
"Mind you—I'd need help."
"What'll you do ... get someone to come in with you?"
"I'd want somebody I know. Somebody I could trust."
"Nice business."
"What about you, Poll?"
There was a long silence. I was quite wide awake now.
"The two of us would make a regular go of this," said Eff. "It would be a nice little venture. You in service ... well, you know Father would never have liked that."
"I wouldn't leave Drusilla. She means a lot to me, that child."
"Nice little thing. No beauty ... but she's sharp and I reckon she's got a way with her."
"Sh!" said Polly.
She looked in my direction and I immediately closed my eyes.
"Well, that won't go on forever, Poll. I reckon sisters ought to stick together."
"Well, if it wasn't for her I'd be with you like a shot, Eff."
"You like the sound of it, do you?"
"I'd like to be here. The country's dead dull. I like a bit of life."
"Don't I know that. Always did, always will. That's you, Poll."
"While she wants me I'll be there."
"You think about it, that's all. You don't want to be at the beck and call of others all your life. You was never one for that."
"Oh, there's not much of the beck and call there, Eff. He's soft ... and she's like my own."
"Well, it would be a good life. The two of us working together."
"It's nice to know you're there, Eff."
So a new fear had come into my life. There would come a day when I would lose Polly.
"Polly," I said to her that night when we had retired. "You won't go away from me, will you?"
"What you talking about?"
"You might go in with Eff."
"Here! Who's been listening to what she wasn't meant to? Pretending to be asleep. I know. I rumbled you."
"But you won't, will you, Polly?"
"No. I'll be there as long as I'm wanted."
I hugged her, holding her tightly for fear she would escape from me.
It would be a long time before I forgot Eff's holding out the bait of freedom to Polly.
The French Affair
The years passed and I was fourteen years old, doing much the same as I had always done. Miss York was still with me and Polly was my guide, comforter and mentor. I still paid my periodic visits to the House, but I was no longer so subservient to Lavinia. I only had to hint that I would refuse to come and she changed her hectoring ways. She had a faint respect for me—though she would never admit it. I had helped her through one or two scrapes and that gave me an advantage.
Polly and I were closer together. We had paid several visits to Eff, who now had the house next door and was doing well with her paying guests. She seemed to have grown in importance and presided over her two houses in a very gracious and genteel manner. Polly had to admit that Father would have had very little to complain of. The Branleys had gone and been replaced by the Paxtons. "Much better," commented Eff. "Mrs. Paxton always wraps her rubbish before putting it in the dustbin. Mrs. Branley never did. Though I must say I miss the nipper." So, apart from the loss of the baby, the change really was for the better.
"Eff'll do well," said Polly. "All this is right up her street."
I knew that, but for me, Polly would have been with Eff, keeping all those paying guests in order and secretly laughing with Eff over their little foibles. But Polly had sworn never to leave me while I wanted her, and I trusted Polly.
Then life started to change. An architect came to the House because there was something wrong with the structure of the east wing and it had to be put right by an expert who would know how to restore it in a suitable manner. This was Mr. Rimmel, and he and Miss Etherton became very friendly. Lady Harriet was unaware of this until it had gone too far and Miss Etherton announced her engagement to Mr. Rimmel and gave notice to Lady Harriet that she would be leaving in a month to prepare for her wedding.
Lady Harriet was incensed. Apparently there had been a succession of governesses before Miss Etherton's arrival and she had been the only one who had stayed. "People are so inconsiderate," said Lady Harriet. "Where is their gratitude? All these years she has had a good home here."
But Miss Etherton, secure in the love of Mr. Rimmel, was by no means dismayed. She was beyond Lady Harriet's disapproval now.
In due course she went. Two governesses came, but neither of them stayed more than two months.
Lady Harriet then declared that it was rather absurd to employ two governesses when there were two girls virtually of the same age living so close. She had been impressed by Miss York's efficiency and she saw no reason why the young woman should not teach Lavinia and me at the same time.
My father hesitated and said he would have to consult Miss York, which in due course he did. Miss York, like the two governesses whose stay at the House was brief, was not eager to undertake the education of Lavinia; but in due course, attracted by the offer of a larger salary and no doubt overwhelmed by the dominating personality of Lady Harriet, she agreed; and as a result Lavinia sometimes came to the rectory and I sometimes went to the House, where we took lessons together. Miss York, buoyed up by the knowledge that she could to some extent make her own terms, refused to take up residence at the House and insisted on regarding the rector as her employer.
So Lavinia and I did our lessons together.
I was not displeased, for the schoolroom was the scene of my triumphs. Miss York was constantly shocked by Lavinia's ignorance, and though Lavinia often copied my work, and I helped her on many occasions, she was very much my inferior in the schoolroom.
I was at heart quite fond of Lavinia, though I could not understand why. Perhaps it was a feeling of familiarity, for we had known each other for so many years. She was arrogant, selfish and domineering; but I took that as a sort of challenge. I was rather flattered to find that she secretly relied on me. I think I knew her better than anyone else did; thus I became aware of a trait in her character which, without doubt, was the reason why certain things happened to her.
She was governed by a deep sensuality and she had matured early. She was a woman at fifteen, whereas I, in spite of my superior knowledge, was physically a child. She had a small waist and was always at great pains to accentuate her figure, which was showing signs of nubility. She had always been excessively proud of her gorgeous hair. She had perfect white teeth and was fond of displaying them; she would bestow her smiles right and left so that people might see and admire them, which gave a false impression of affability.