The Governor and the rest rise in awe from their chairs.
Even my mail comes addressed "Your Excellency." And once I even had charge of a department. A strange thing happened. The head of the department went off, disappeared, no one knew where. Of course there was a lot of talk about how the place would be filled, who would fill it, and all that sort of thing. There were ever so many generals hungry for the position, and they tried, but they couldn't cope with it. It's too hard. Just on the surface it looks easy enough; but when you come to examine it closely, it's the devil of a job. When they saw they couldn't manage, they came to me. In an instant the streets were packed full with couriers, nothing but couriers and couriers—thirty-five thousand of them, imagine! Pray, picture the situation to yourself! "Ivan Aleksandrovich, do come and take the directorship of the department." I admit I was a little embarrassed. I came out in my dressing-gown. I wanted to decline, but I thought it might reach the Czar's ears, and, besides, my official record— "Very well, gentlemen," I said, "I'll accept the position, I'll accept. So be it. But mind," I said, "na-na-na, LOOK SHARP is the word with me, LOOK SHARP!" And so it was. When I went through the offices of my department, it was a regular earthquake, Everyone trembled and shook like a leaf.
The Governor and the rest tremble with fright. Khlestakov works himself up more and more as he speaks.
Oh, I don't like to joke. I got all of them thoroughly scared, I tell you. Even the Imperial Council is afraid of me. And really, that's the sort I am. I don't spare anybody. I tell them all, "I know myself, I know myself." I am everywhere, everywhere. I go to Court daily. Tomorrow they are going to make me a field-marsh—
He slips and almost falls, but is respectfully held up by the officials.
GOVERNOR (walks up to him trembling from top to toe and speaking with a great effort). Your Ex-ex-ex-
KHLESTAKOV (curtly). What is it?
GOVERNOR. Your ex-ex-ex-
KHLESTAKOV (as before). I can't make out a thing, it's all nonsense.
GOVERNOR. Your ex-ex—your 'lency— Your Excellency, wouldn't you like to rest a bit? Here's a room and everything you may need.
KHLESTAKOV. Nonsense—rest! However, i'm ready for a rest. Your lunch was fine, gentlemen. I am satisfied, I am satisfied. (Declaiming.) Labardan! Labardan!
He goes into the next room followed by the Governor.
SCENE VII
The same without Khlestakov and the Governor .
BOBCHINSKY (to Dobchinsky) . There's a man for you, Piotr Ivanovich. That's what I call a man. I've never in my life been in the presence of so important a personage. I almost died of fright. What do you think is his rank, Piotr Ivanovich?
DOBCHINSKY. I think he's almost a general.
BOBCHINSKY. And i think a general isn't worth the sole of his boots. But if he is a general, then he must be the generalissimo himself. Did you hear how he bullies the Imperial Council? Come, let's hurry off to Ammos Fiodorovich and Korobkin and tell them about it. Good-by, Anna Andreyevna.
DOBCHINSKY. Good afternoon, godmother.
Both go out.
ARTEMY. It makes your heart sink and you don't know why. We haven't even our uniforms on. Suppose after he wakes up from his nap he goes and sends a report about us to St. Petersburg. (He goes out sunk in thought, with the School Inspector, both saying.) Good-by, madam.
SCENE VIII
Anna Andreyevna and Marya Antonovna.
ANNA. Oh, how charming he is!
MARYA. A perfect dear!
ANNA. Such refined manners. You can recognize the big city article at once. How he carries himself, and all that sort of thing! Exquisite! I'm just crazy for young men like him. I am in ecstasies—beside myself. He liked me very much though. I noticed he kept looking at me all the time.
MARYA. Oh, mamma, he looked at me.
ANNA. No more nonsense please. It's out of place now.
MARYA. But really, mamma, he did look at me.
ANNA. There you go! For god's sake, don't argue. You mustn't. That's enough. What would he be looking at you for? Please tell me, why would he be looking at you?
MARYA. It's true, mamma. He kept looking at me. He looked at me when he began to speak about literature and he looked at me afterwards, when he told about how he played whist with the ambassadors.
ANNA. Well, maybe he looked at you once or twice and might have said to himself, "Oh, well, I'll give her a look."
SCENE IX
The same and the Governor.
GOVERNOR. Sh-sh!
ANNA. What is it?
GOVERNOR. I wish i hadn't given him so much to drink. Suppose even half of what he said is true? (Sunk in thought.) How can it not be true? A man in his cups is always on the surface. What's in his heart is on his tongue. Of course he fibbed a little. No talking is possible without some lying. He plays cards with the ministers and he visits the Court. Upon my word the more you think the less you know what's going on in your head. I'm as dizzy as if I were standing in a belfry, or if I were going to be hanged, the devil take it!
ANNA. And i didn't feel the least bit afraid. I simply saw a high-toned, cultured man of the world, and his rank and titles didn't make me feel a bit queer.
GOVERNOR. Oh, well, you women. To say women and enough's said. Everything is froth and bubble to you. All of a sudden you blab out words that don't make the least sense. The worst you'd get would be a flogging; but it means ruination to the husband.— Say, my dear, you are as familiar with him as if he were another Bobchinsky.
ANNA. Leave that to us. Don't bother about that. (Glancing at Marya.) We know a thing or two in that line.
GOVERNOR (to himself). Oh, what's the good of talking to you! Confound it all! I can't get over my fright yet. (Opens the door and calls.) Mishka, tell the sergeants, Svistunov and Derzhimorda, to come here. They are near the gate. (After a pause of silence.) The world has turned into a queer place. If at least the people were visible so you could see them; but they are such a skinny, thin race. How in the world could you tell what he is? After all you can tell a military man; but when he wears a frock-coat, it's like a fly with clipped wings. He kept it up a long time in the inn, got off a lot of allegories and ambiguities so that you couldn't make out head or tail. Now he's shown himself up at last.— Spouted even more than necessary. It's evident that he's a young man.
SCENE X