Teddy stood there, swallowed two or three times, and at last drew a long breath. “Mrs. Garrett,” she half-whispered, “how’d you like to go to hell?”
“Teddy!” I said. “What about those wild horses!”
“Very well, I’ll forget the check.”
Hortense dropped it back in her bag. “Goddamn it,” I roared at Teddy, “take it back, apologize! So she tried to pee on you. So you knew she was going to, but for one million bucks you can buy enough Listerine to deodorize all the pee ever peed, and if you’ve got any brains, you’ll apologize. Now!”
“Then, Mrs. Garrett, I take it back; I’m sorry.”
“Very well. This exhibition can proceed.”
“It began with a walkover. It’s kind of like a bow.”
“A very nice start, I would say.”
Teddy took off her coat and pitched it on a chair. Then she put her hands on the floor, lifted one leg behind her, let it drop over her head, lifted the other leg, let the first leg touch in front, and while the other leg was flipping down, pushed up with her hands to come standing again. “Very nicely done,” said Hortense. “I applaud.”
She patted her fingertips together, and Teddy went on: “Next off, for the reporters, I did a handstand facing them, on account of one dame said that a earth-shaking thing had not been invented yet, to get my front end where my face was and my hind end where my patches were, in the same shot at the same time. This way—”
She repeated that handstand she had done that other time, and Hortense gravely told her: “Beautifully done. I applaud one more time.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Garrett.”
She stood there a moment, then went on: “Then, of course, there were the handstands I did for your husband.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Oh, I knew him quite well, Mrs. Garrett.”
“I didn’t realize you did handstands for him.”
“All the time. The idea was that he get inspired to do unto me that which I hoped for always. It didn’t work out that way, as he was under a thrall, he called it. I still don’t quite know what a thrall is. I think it’s some kind of hex that a woman had on him. At the time I suspected that the Swede was the one who plugged him. I must have been right. Mrs. Garrett, I hope I didn’t upset you?”
“It’s quite all right. Go on.”
“If I did get out of line, I’m sorry—”
“She said go on,” I told her.
“Yeah, I’d do handstands for him and then walk on my hands, past him — always without any clothes on. And as I went by, I’d drop one leg forward and the other leg behind, for the upside-down split, which he liked. This way — but first I’ve got to take off some clothes.”
She started to unbutton her blouse, but Hortense beat her to it. “No!” she exclaimed, in a half-hysterical voice. “I get the idea.”
“Well, I don’t mind, Mrs. Garrett.”
“I do.”
“So,” I said, taking my position in front of Hortense, “you thought it was going to be fun, peeing on Teddy Rodriguez, and then she peed on you—”
“What do you mean, using such language to me?”
“If my language offends you, I apologize. I withdraw pee. She pissed on you, I should say, and that takes care of her. It doesn’t take care of me. I have things to say—”
“You have nothing to say. You may go.”
“I’m going — don’t worry, I’m not enjoying myself any more than you are. But there’s somebody here who concerns me — a beautiful little boy who’s as much mine as yours. That boy I mean to have, and if you don’t surrender him now, I mean to claim him in court. I’m going to have you declared an unfit mother—”
“Dr. Palmer, are you insane?”
“Not that I know of. You don’t want this child. You don’t care about him. You’ve had him a month now, and haven’t even given him a name. That makes you unfit, as I’ll damned convince the court. But to take custody of a child, I have to have a wife who can act as a mother to him. As my wife, I mean to take Teddy—”
“Hey, hey, not so fast!”
That was Teddy who jumped up and said: “I’ve got something to say about that. Nobody’s marrying me as a way of getting a child. I have to be loved for myself alone—”
“You’ll be loved enough; don’t worry.”
“On that basis, I accept.”
“Dr. Palmer,” Hortense said, a vicious look in her eye, “I hope you take me to court. To prove you’re the father of this boy, you’ll have to admit that you blackmailed a woman, that you touched her husband for money, that you seduced his wife, that you lied to him. And just how fit the court will think you, to take custody of a child, even with Teddy’s help, I wouldn’t like to say. Please feel free to sue, if that’s what it’s called. It’ll be your word against mine, and if I deny — as I will — that you are the child’s father, I doubt very much that the court will believe you. A man may think he knows who the child’s father is, but a woman knows she knows.”
“Sometime, if you give your sworn word to the court about something that’s not true, you’ll do a stretch for perjury. That’s one thing a court won’t accept. When I point out that this boy has the same double mole on his throat as I have on mine, any judge on earth will know who’s telling the truth.”
“Get out of here! All of you!”
Everyone shuffled their feet. Nobody moved.
For some time the air was thick. All you could hear was Hortense’s sobs. Then the baby got into the act, with a sudden, furious squall that was tiny and at the same time so piercing it stabbed at your ears. The nurse took a bottle from the table, tried the nipple with her finger, and put it down in the crib against the baby’s mouth. “He’s not hungry,” Teddy said.
“You know if he’s hungry or not?” snarled Hortense.
“Yes, I know. Why don’t you?”
She was very cold. The nurse kept pushing the nipple at the baby’s mouth, but the squawling kept right on. Then she began shaking the crib. Teddy went over, took her by the wrist exactly as she’d taken Hortense the day of the press conference, and began backing her up, just as she’d backed Hortense. Then she flung her into a chair and turned to the baby who was still hooking it, sucking in deep breaths, then stiffening with a jerk and letting go. She picked him up, carried him back to her chair, and sat down — but holding his head with one hand in such way as to support it, and bending her face toward his.
“Little sweetheart,” she crooned at him, “has a mother that’s hipped on dough, the millions she has in the bank, grandmother hipped on booze, and a nurse that thinks he’s a butter churn — when all he wanted was love!” She breathed this in his face, and suddenly the squawling dropped off, to surprised little gasps, one after the other. Then he laughed. If there’s anything so beautiful as the sudden, gurgling laugh of a little child, I wouldn’t know what it is. I sat there with my throat playing me tricks, gulping and gagging and swallowing. I wasn’t looking at Hortense, and didn’t until I heard something, but then I did look and saw she was doing what I was trying not to do — sobbing, her chin on her chest, the tears pouring down her cheeks. Suddenly she waved her hand in a way that meant only one thing: leave me alone, go. Mrs. Mendenhall tiptoed out, followed by Sam, the nurse, and Winifred. But when Teddy got up, Hortense made opposite motions, beckoning her over, holding out her arms for the boy. Teddy, first kneeling beside her, gave him to her, carefully cuddling his head on Hortense’s shoulder. It left Hortense with one free hand, and she grabbed Teddy’s hand, raising it to her lips and kissing it.