Sometimes!
One further development, regarding the suspected involvement of the Kosminsky brothers. It was two nights later. I was in the hotel lift, going up. I’d pressed 8, but the lift stopped on 2. Nobody got in. As I reached out to press 8 again, a door directly opposite the lift swung open. The sight of one of the brothers emerging from a room full of laughing, half-naked girls at three-fifteen in the morning confirmed all my previous suspicions.
I was late for the wedding. It wasn’t my fault. If they’d started at a sensible time, I would have been there — but one-thirty in the afternoon? The house was out in the suburbs, too, not far from the bleak square where the trams turn round. One dismal street after another, all of them identical. I don’t know how long it took me, but it was dark when I arrived. I would have been even later if an old woman hadn’t insisted on walking me right to the door.
It wasn’t unlike the place where my grandparents used to live: small and grey, with a patch of grass for a front garden, a glass-house at the side and a wrought-iron fence that had been painted pale-green. The latch clinked as I opened the gate. The front door was just a few steps along a concrete path. I could hear music coming from somewhere. So there was dancing. If the old woman hadn’t been watching me, I might have left there and then. Instead, I had to knock.
‘Blom!’ Gregory embraced me. Fish mingled uneasily with beer. ‘We thought you weren’t coming.’
He took me over to the bride and groom and introduced us. His daughter’s name was Petra. She looked like Gregory, only she had hair. Her husband’s name was Rolf. I offered them my congratulations.
‘We’re so glad you could come,’ Petra said. ‘We’ve heard all about you.’
How lonely I was, presumably. How terribly alone.
‘And look,’ Gregory said, ‘here’s Loots.’
I didn’t recognise him at first, without his glittering, star-encrusted jersey and his bicycle. I saw a thin young man with reddish hair, his shoulders high and stiff inside his shirt as he bounced across the room towards me. His heels hardly seemed to touch the ground.
‘I’ve seen you before.’ Loots mentioned a street that ran parallel to the Kosminsky.
‘I feel the same way,’ I said, and smiled mysteriously.
Gregory laughed and put an arm around my shoulders. ‘He’s quite a character, is Blom.’
We drank chilled vodka from thimble glasses. A toast to the newly-weds, then down in one. Another toast, to happiness this time. And then another. Friendship. I wanted to question Loots about his acrobatics, but he’d already moved across the room to where the music was. I watched him dancing with the bride. He had a rather formal style, very correct, almost quaint. Their arms — his left, her right — curved up into the air like handles on a jug, their joined hands floating high above their heads.
I met the bride’s mother, Gregory’s ex-wife. She was drinking cheap champagne.
‘No, I didn’t throw him out,’ she was telling me. ‘He left.’
She had a hoarse, serrated voice; it seemed to come from further back in her throat than most people’s. The skin beneath her eyes had broken up into a mass of tiny diamonds — the powdery, reptile skin that alcoholics sometimes have. Her name was Hedi.
‘You may think you’re blind,’ she said, pressing up against me, ‘but you’re not half as blind as Gregory …’
‘No?’
‘I was going with Harold for a year before Gregory suspected anything. Harold’s over there. We’re married now.’ She wrapped her hand around my wrist. ‘I hope I didn’t offend you.’
‘No, no,’ I said. ‘I’ve come across adultery before.’
‘I don’t mean that. I mean about you not being blind.’
‘You’re a very perceptive woman,’ I said, and winked at her.
I was smiling. I’d just remembered what I liked about weddings. It wasn’t the sight of ‘the happy couple’. It wasn’t meandering speeches. Or alcohol. Or cake. It wasn’t love. It was because there was always somebody who started dragging skeletons out of the cupboard. Clatter, clatter, clatter, right into the middle of the room. There was always somebody like Hedi.
It was the first social occasion of my new life and maybe that explains why I got drunk so fast. I kept bumping into people and having to apologise. At one point I was even seeing double (imagine Visser’s face if I told him that!). Then Gregory appeared beside me. He had someone with him.
‘This is Inge,’ he said, breathing loudly through his mouth. ‘Inge wants to dance with you.’
I looked at her. She was like one of those girls you see on the tram, her nose too long and not quite straight, her mouth too small, her eyes too mournful, one of those girls who sits down by the window and takes off her gloves, which are always pale-grey wool, and starts reading a textbook, mathematics, probably, or social science, one hand reaching up to fluff the hair above her forehead.
‘I told you, Gregory,’ I said. ‘I don’t dance.’
‘But it’s a special day. How can you say no?’
I sighed.
‘You don’t have to,’ the girl said in a quiet voice.
And so we danced. A slow number, mawkish, just guitars and an accordion. The natural scent that rose off her skin made me think of fruit, somehow — of apple blossom. My hand felt too large against the small of her back, too hot. My right knee was trembling. Loots swung past my shoulder, his eyebrows halfway between his hairline and the bridge of his nose, the smile on his lips serene, professional.
I spoke into the air beside Inge’s ear. ‘Did someone put you up to this?’
She laughed.
‘It was Gregory,’ I said, ‘wasn’t it.’
‘Nobody put me up to it. I wanted to.’
‘Dance?’ I said. ‘With a blind man?’
She shook her head. ‘The truth’s more embarrassing than that.’
‘Oh? And what is the truth?’
‘Can’t you guess?’
A feeling went through me, a feeling I’d forgotten. Like thick liquid being poured into a void. When the dance was over, I told her I needed a drink.
‘Me too,’ she said.
‘I’ll get you one.’
I made my way across the room to the trestle table in the corner, where I found Gregory easing the top off another bottle of beer.
‘Was that so bad?’ he said.
‘Not so bad, no.’
‘I think you’re in with a chance there.’ He gave my upper arm a squeeze.
I shook myself free.
‘You’re impossible, Blom.’ He was slurring now: impossible and Blom were one word. ‘You’re bloody impossible.’
Dawn could not be far away. These days I could feel it coming; that first streak of red or purple in the east, I’d know it was there even before I looked. And then an electric milk-float passing. Birds in the trees. My vision was beginning to weaken. Very gradual, it was, that fade to grey. Gradual, but determined. Irreversible.
The party was almost over. Most people had gone home. Loots and I were still up, though. We were sitting in the kitchen with a bottle of Gregory’s ex-wife’s home-made plum brandy. A sticky, sweet drink that had a kick to it. A foot inside a velvet boot.
I’d last seen Gregory sprawled on the stairs.
‘First I lose my wife,’ he said, ‘then I lose my daughter —’
‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘that’s true.’
‘You’re no help, Blom. You’re no bloody help.’
I’d left him there, his bald head propped against the banisters, his fingers fastened round a glass.
I’d already told Loots I was thinking of going home and he’d said so, too, more than once, but neither of us had moved. Loots was dreaming at the end of the table, his sharp chin plunged into his hand. A fading image. In daylight it would take me hours to get back to the hotel. Somehow I no longer cared. This was the moment I’d been waiting for.